RESILIENCE

Being resilient is an important aspect of well-being.  Being resilient means being able to bounce back and be flexible after experiencing a set-back.  After two years of stepping back and retreating into our own homes more and more, is it time to step forward?  How do we reverse our lack of stepping out into the world?  The economist Markus Brunnermeier* suggests that central to being resilient are the qualities of being flexible and more risk tolerant.  

 Being resilient encourages us to be able to bend and adjust our actions, as we experience external pressures.  New circumstances often expect new responses and unique plans.  Covid certainly has tested our ability to adapt and flexibly respond.  Can we remember how much easier and natural it was to be sociable two years ago?  Our new more cautious ‘normal’ is becoming a habit.  Do we want to stay this way?

 The other part of Brunnermeier’s  remedy is not generally mentioned.  How are we adjusting our risk taking ability?  Have we become overly cautious and fearful?  Do situations which two years ago would have been mundane now seem frightening?  When we face an overwhelming challenge, it is reasonable to be cautious and dial-up our anxiousness; that is fight or flight in action.  But the rhythm  of cautiousness is to adjust our actions and return to a less stressful equilibrium quickly and flexibly.  We are now living in the second year of an induced state of anxiety  and cautiousness!!  We have sacrificed resilience for the sake of fearfulness.  Feeling at risk and fearful have become the recommended coping and solution strategy.  Is this really a good way forward?

 Taking on more risk is not the same as being careless or negligent.    Rather, as the challenges and risks we accept increase, we also reasonably should demand a significant improvement in our wellness.  As it is sometimes summarized: “No pain, no gain”.  Or we should “Step outside our comfort zone”, and at least re-size this comfort zone to nearer its earlier dimension and scope.

 Being more tolerant of risk has significant rewards as it empowers love, kindness, adventure and being the sociable creatures we were meant to be.  Please start to step forward in 2022 in taking an extra unit of risk and enjoy the well desired and deserved reward.

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*:  "The Resilient Society" by Markus Brunnermeier, 2021

FEAR

As I reminisce about 2021, the biggest challenge to my wellness was how to deal with fear.  Fear was everywhere, both within and outside of me. 

All around the world governments used different public policies to increase compliance with Covid restrictions. Many of these were based on inducing fear and anxiety in us to ensure our compliance. For example, by describing the idea of keeping distance between one another as ‘social’ distancing rather than ‘physical’ distancing implied that to be social was wrong. If repeated often enough, it did increase compliance, but it has re-wired our mindsets in the process. Result, less Covid, but also less human interaction. Loneliness and mental health issues now abound. When is the trade-off between the remedy and the condition going to change?  There is a fear tipping point!

Fear works, but it is not a good long term survival strategy.  Our fight or flight nature was designed millions of years ago to deal with significant dangers we faced in a few seconds, not almost two years.  So now as 2021 comes to an end, what are you going to do with your fears in 2022?  There are three fear strategies you can implement, being to remain as fearful as you are now, become more fearful or become less fearful.  Not addressing fearfulness suggests the current steady state; you cannot avoid this dilemma.

I am absolutely going to dial down anxiousness to below pre-2020 levels and use the last two years as a learning experience.  Let’s not waste this crisis; let’s see what can be learned from Covid.  First, I learned from personal experience and observation that being fearful, anxious and suspicious of others is enormously dysfunctional.  A society re-programmed to be fearful is hollow, judgmental and not a lot of fun.  Fear blocks out compassion; letting go of fear allows for empathy, compassion and love.  I quickly noticed that being less busy is rather calming.  Seeing fewer people but appreciating them more was an important lesson.  Not watching the late evening news does improve my sleep and dreams.  Being outside and going for walks is part of my new diet. Slowing down allows for time to focus on our inward spiritual journey, a source of awesome shalom.  I moved from a ‘live to work or work to live’ perspective to a ’live to live’ view; where I don’t define myself by what I do to the same extent as before.

Regardless of your learned outcomes for Covid, I suggest that looking at your fears as you enter 2022 is a good place to start.  Living without fearfulness, distrust and anxiety is much better for you and for others.  Looking for the silver lining of the Covid cloud can only make 2022 that much more exciting and hopeful.

May you be richly and gratefully blessed in 2022.

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YOUR SUB-CONCIOUS MIND

I am reading a wonderful book (The Power of Your Sub-Conscious Mind  by Joseph Murphy, 1963) about mindfulness and wellness, as described in early 1960’s terminology and thinking.   Nowhere is mindfulness or wellness mentioned, but they are forever just below the surface. The author’s  perspective is naively enlightening by today’s scientific standards.  Fifty plus years later we talk about fast and slow thinking, fixed and growth mindsets, positive psychology, the rationale and irrational mind, positive emotions and framing our intentions. Murphy was on to all this long ago, but in a more concise manner. 

 What is refreshing about the book is its proud, clear and simple instructions.  The author encourages us to challenge our sub-conscious mind’s tendency to undermine our success and wellbeing.  Our conscious mind can control and influence our sub-conscious mind if we accept the challenge.  Murphy suggested intentional thinking and affirmations, which are managed and promoted by our conscious mind, can positively transform our circumstances. He talks about faith and belief as part of our self-improvement strategy.  If you don’t have a sincere faith in your aspirations, then the improved state-of-being is not going to happen.  Additionally, adding a firm belief that it is possible and acting as though the change has occurred is essential.  Now we say,” Fake it until you make it”, isn’t that similar?  Sometimes we make things too complicated and over-think things.  Second guessing or not fully buying into your hopes and dreams can lead to disappointment.  Allowing for and feeding dis-appointment makes failure the most likely outcome, as our sub-conscious mind will default to this option.

 Murphy suggests that what is central to our wellness is that our conscious and sub-conscious minds collaborate, with the conscious mind setting and controlling the agenda.  Our rational, conscious mind is always involved in our wellbeing, either passively or actively engaged.  By default, if our aware self is not in charge, then our automatic subliminal self is running the show, which often has less constructive results.  As our sub-conscious mind is focused on immediate survival, pleasure, the easiest way out and fight or flight reactions, that is not the best auto-pilot to have.

 Research over the past fifty years  has increased our understanding of wellness and mindfulness.  However, we are at our peril if we dismiss the simplicity of Murphy’s suggestion of the role and importance of our sub-conscious mind,  faith and belief, in improving our wellbeing.  An interesting journey down memory lane if you have the time to read it. 

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PRAISING OTHERS

Praising others, and being praised by others, improves our well-being.  I was not aware until recently that there is hard science* confirming this. Research can now give advice on how to make praise more effective and reduce its potential unhelpful side effects. Many a primary school teacher likely knows this: 

It is more effective and constructive to praise a learner’s effort than the result of their effort.

But I’m not  primary teacher, so I found this suggestion profound, and certainly true for myself.  If someone praises my finished product, yes it does feel good, but the half-life of the compliment is short.  When the effort, skill, diligence, problem solving or determination is acknowledged, not only do I feel pleased, but a more subtle pride ensues which lingers for a long time.  The effort that created the successful outcome can be replicated in other circumstances and endeavors – it is the skill that is transferable, rather than the content. Effort based praise empowers transferable skills. Focusing too much on the result of the effort can undermine the willingness to try again, and too much praise can backfire if handed out too freely.

Praise works both ways, for the person being honored and the person doing the honoring to feel more joyful. Why, despite its wellness benefit, do we seem to largely reserve praise for the young and by adulthood, give it out only occasionally?  We seem to have replaced praise with criticism: being judgmental instead as if those concerned should know better.  Is it because it takes more to impress us? Are we reluctant to see excellence? Regardless, rationing praise and reserving it for the young isn’t helpful or useful.

If effort is the catalyst for successful outcomes, perhaps it is time to re-visit and acknowledge the successful actions of others, including our peers.  It might be helpful to get into the habit of lightening up our expectations and admiring other’s efforts more.
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*: “Self-discipline Outdoes IQ in Predicting Academic Performance of Adolescents” , Duckworth, A.L. and M. Seligman, Psychological Science 16 (2005): 939-44

“Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children’s Motivation and Performance”, Mueller, C.M. and C.S. Dweck, J Personal and Social Psychology, 75, no.1 (1998); 33-52

ENERGY ADDICTION

Humans are unique in that we are the only species that can harness and take advantage of energy. Other species only derive energy from the calories they digest.  It all started a few million years ago, when by a combination of luck and ingenuity, we figured out how to start and use fire to prepare food (cooked food acts as an external stomach and increases the number of calories we can extract from most otherwise raw food). Fire also provided security at night from predators, moved us away from tropical areas and protected us from the elements.  From this simple energy advantage, humans now utilize 26 times* our natural ability in terms of energy consumption. Most of this improvement has been in the last fifty years. Fire, wind, solar, nuclear, tidal and fossil fuel power have become sources of energy. We can do so much more as most of the “heavy lifting” is done using externalized energy sources. What a Pandora’s box of opportunity this has afforded.* 

 So, what does this have to do with well-stillness and wellness?  A little and a lot.  The little is to be in awe of how ingenious humans are and how far this energy advantage has benefited us.  The bigger issue is to note our energy addiction has become almost chronic and will be very harmful for the wellness of our descendants, especially those not yet born.  We are addicted to energy, using more and more and becoming lazier, heavier, greedier and generally not any more content.

 This reflection is not about being greener or making our energy footprint smaller, but rather looking within and pondering our energy craving.  What is driving this desire?  The solution is not improved energy efficiency, but rather better energy effectiveness.  What are these needs that are energy dependent? Energy consumption has become part of the solution to meeting our social needs.  Social media has indeed increased our connectivity but reduced the depth and sincerity of our engagements and interaction.  Things may be faster, bigger, easier and nearer because of energy improvements, but are we meeting or missing our wellness needs? 

 Being kind, thoughtful, patient, loving and tolerant requires little or no calories.  These emotions and actions will have enormous payback and incline us to be more mindful of climate change.  Put otherwise, solar and wind power without an improvement in overall wellness may win the battle, but not the war for well-stillness and serenity.

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*: Transcendence: How Humans Evolved through Fire, Language, Beauty, and Time by Gaia Vince

OTHERS ARE YOUR MIRROR*

Recently a colleague (Roger) explained and justified his positive disposition, even in challenging times.  He said quite simply,

Others are my mirror.

His perspective was that if he was down or anxious, those close to him might feel and respond to him with similar emotions, like for like. Similarly, if he was hopeful, positive and enthusiastic, then his excitement would spread.  Using the idea of a mirror, what he projected was likely to be what others felt and that would then be reflected back to him. 

 Our external disposition is contagious, both for good and for ill.  There is strong research  evidence** that emotions or actions are contagious.  How often have you yawned and then others near you have done the same? Taking mindful ownership of the attitudes you are expressing can improve the wellness of those around you.  Enthusiasm lifts the spirits of a room: once you decide to act with a positive attitude, it does not take much effort for those around you to follow your example. 

 Whereas our external or public self may be joyful, it is essential to ensure that your internal or private self  lines up with the image you are projecting.  It may take some internal combustion  and resilience; a ‘fake it till you make it’ to jump start the positive cycle, but it does work. Our private self is deeper and more complex than the public self, mirroring years of experience which our momentary external expressions cannot always capture. It may be less joyful, but that is replaced with being hopeful and patient.  Our past experiences and growth can make what others see more authentic if you are coming from the right place.

 As others are your mirror, consider carefully what image you project.  Is that the “you” you want others to see and remember you by? Make your reflection work to the advantage of others (and yourself).

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*: Thank you, Roger Lin, for this wonderful quote, idea, example and your positive attitude

**: Hatfield, Elaine; Cacioppo, John T.; Rapson, Richard L. (June 1993). "Emotional contagion". Current Directions in Psychological Science. 2 (3): 96–9

THE ORGANIZED MIND*

After reading  The Organized Mind,* what did I learn?  Not a lot, unfortunately, but can I share a few simple truths from this well-researched text on brain science? 

 Mental health and wellness all rely on a healthier and happier brain.  Ignoring brain wellness will impair your well-being.

 Not surprisingly, our brain is lazy and is looking for easy solutions and rules to make its job less stressful, yet successful.  Our successful brain is largely designed for the hunting and gathering activities of our primate fore-parents of 50,000 plus years ago. Three things mattered then: survival, using the least amount of calories possible and passing on the genes to the next generation.  Likely your goals are a little more aspirational, but our brain functions largely according to this simplistic set of guiding principles.

 Our brain really does not like stress: over-complexity seriously undermines its effectiveness and efficiency. Where possible outsource (externalize) memory or attention. We really do have a one track mind: multitasking and multi-attention is an impossibility.  Trying to do or remember several things simultaneously puts the brain into alarm mode.  The solution is simple.  Prioritized lists  solve most of these stresses to the brain.  By writing something down, the brain does not have to remember it, and by prioritizing the list the need to multi-task is materially reduced. The book and research suggest a simple prioritization scheme: Do it, Delegate it, Defer it, or Drop it It took over fifty pages to provide the science behind these essential and obvious observations!

 The most interesting conclusions in the book were about sleep.  A tired brain is problematic and often unhelpful.  Not getting your rapid eye movement (REM)  sleep can have serious negative consequences.  For best results you need 1.5 hours of REM per night.  What was interesting is that you cannot cram or double up on REM sleep.  If you don’t get your dose one night, you cannot make it up the next evening.  Sleeping in doesn’t recover the deficit or build a surplus.  The most important strategy was to get into a regular sleeping schedule of 8 hours (+/- 1 hour) a day: neither over nor under sleeping alters your underlying REM diet.  Alcohol and drugs interfere with REM: you may fall asleep quicker, but your REM could be on hold.

 A healthier brain does not guarantee wellbeing, but an ill brain certainly reduces it.

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*: The Organized Mind, Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload by Daniel Levitin

WELL-STILLNESS

Recently in a conversation with a native German speaker, she used the word WELL-STILLNESS to describe well-being.  What an awesome  paraphrasing of what is really at the core of wellness; to be still and at peace. 

Well-stillness: doesn’t that describe a sense of wellness, serenity and a harmonious balance of our various selves? 

During the earlier stage of the Covid crisis, there was a sense of stillness everywhere, because the frantic hurriedness of our lives was forced to stop. For many people, it was the first time in years that they had actually paused and been forced to slow down, and after the initial dread, many people appreciated the chance to hit the reset button. Now we are back to more normal circumstances, that stillness is slowly going away, replaced by the usual hurrying about. Besides getting my jabs, what have I done to not waste this crisis?  What have I constructively learned and plan to implement as part of my ‘new normal’ strategy? 

 Independent of Covid, consider your well-stillness.  When you are in a state of quietness, is there calm or anxiety?  What internal noises are distracting you?  Are you consciously at peace when you are still?  What is it you should do or stop doing?  Consider how can you couple excitement with stillness; these are not opposing emotions.  The trick is to merge them; things that truly speak to your stillness are inspiring, just consider your favourite artform and how an excellent example of it excites and stills you at the same time.

 We are human being, human doing and human stillness.  The state of nature that seems to get the least attention is our stillness.  Curiously, stillness is the easiest experience to have, but one that we appreciate or seek out the least.  Perhaps it is time to re-visit how we allocate our attention and engagement and bias it a bit more towards stillness.

 An interesting strategy to understand and improve your well-being is to explore and experiment with your well-stillness.  The more you are at peace and comfortable with your stillness,  the better your shalom will be.

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FAIRNESS?!?!

I have had the good fortune to travel to nine developed countries in two continents.  One thing profoundly impressed me; the post-Covid world seems to be fundamentally different from its earlier version.  What I observed was that the pandemic has sharply divided the world into those that are doing very well and those that seem left behind.  As I travelled, I saw many prosperous citizens in their newer cars and designer clothing,  and also many other citizens  that were on lower wages struggling to make ends meet.  The differences were so obvious: you could choose to look away or imagine the two opposites were not there, but they were.  I wondered whether there was an underlying sense of inequity felt by those doing less well.  Where was the fairness in all this? 

 Climate change makes the same point.  The prosperous developed world enjoys the successes and advantages of their industrial revolutions, and less developed nations deal with the legacies of the wasteful behaviours of others. The divide between the developed and the less developed nations is widening.

 Wellness is both a personal and shared blessing and obligation.  If I thrive and others struggle, then I have a duty of care to be part of the solution to this inequity and unfairness.  Our human nature naturally encourages and rewards us for being compassionate.  One of the better ways to improve your wellbeing is to be charitable and caring for others. In return,  our spirits seem to rapidly improve.

 The inequities we see around us should encourage us to move from empathy (I feel your pain) to compassion (let’s do something about your pain).  We should move from spectators of our relative prosperity to becoming part of the solution.  Some re-distribution of wealth from the fortunate to those that are truly challenged is inevitable and welcome.  

 Charity to others and gratitude for our bounty should encourage us to look at the growing social divide with a sense of compassion, not indifference. Imaging this unfairness is not present is wishful thinking and counter-productive in the longer run. 

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OVER-STIMULATED

About 10,000 years ago, scientists believe, humans began to farm.  For the previous hundreds of thousands of years, we were nomadic small clans that engaged in hunting and gathering activities.  This change in lifestyle had a remarkable impact on our brains. 

 Prior to this transition, the number of people we knew was limited to the size of our group, likely less than fifty.  Our possessions were few, at maximum a few dozen.  Our terrain was not larger than 5,000 square kilometres.  Our workday was only three or four hours. Our knowledge base was limited to what was necessary for survival and protection from illness and injury.  No clocks: only the sun and moon to determine our day and night.  Money had not been invented.  Life may have been short, but it was a lot less complicated.  Our brain was stimulated at the appropriate level, it was happy and fit for purpose.

 And then we started to farm!  Agriculture was a more efficient way of providing for our nutritional needs.  This change allowed communities to develop several hundreds of members and more possessions as we were now stationary.  Trade and specialization within and between communities developed.  Life got much more complicated and stressful.  Our brain was beginning to be taxed, but it was okay.

 Today, our brain is no longer fit for purpose.  Multi-tasking, social media, commerce, cities of tens of thousands or millions, materialism and the accumulation of possessions, and friends and acquaintances in the hundreds (through social media) can be overwhelming.  The sheer number of relationships, tasks, possessions, and data exceeds our minds capacity to cope with calmly.  By all measures our minds are over-stimulated and things are only getting worse.

 It is time to de-clutter and de-stress our lives: time to start reducing the number of stimuli we experience or things we do.  Fewer is much better, but what to leave in and what to leave out? Simpler is calmer; re-centring our wellbeing.  Restated, what do I have to start doing less of?  Less news?  Reduced social media? Stop pretending I can multi-task effectively? Less hurrying about and endlessly setting myself deadlines? What do I have to do more of?  More quiet time?  More reflective and meditative activities?  Deeper friendships? 

 As we cannot re-wire or increase our brain’s capacity, what should we do instead? The issue is not work-life balance but rather life-wellness balancing.  Start with setting priorities and mindfully leaving activities in or out of our daily routines.  Experiment with less and then add more of what really matters.

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DOUBT AND FEAR

Governments and the media, to manage Covid, have deliberately encouraged fearfulness and suspicion of others to reduce our social contact and thereby manage infection rates.  Not a bad short term public policy measure, but how do we now reverse this anxiousness?  Humans are social creatures: we require social engagement to maintain our wellness. Anxiety makes one less social and more isolated.

 Fear and doubt in the longer term poison the fabric of society, as they encourage intolerance and distrust of OTHERS.  Once fear and doubt guide our social behaviours, we start to question whether OTHERS will be harmful or unhelpful to us.  Before you know it, so many otherwise normal and kind people have become a threat, those OTHERS we should be cautious of.  Personal safety would suggest we should be suspicious of more and more people (OTHERS).  Where is this going?

 All sincere and helpful forms and expressions of love or inclusion start with trust and acceptance, while acknowledging the possibility of fear and doubt.  Adding an initial conditional requirement of overcoming doubt to allow for love and caring undermines the natural rhythms of affection and inclusion.  Once you open the doubt and fear emotion, it quickly runs wild and the possibly of love and kindness decreases materially.

 Doubt and fear also threaten our confidence and courage.  Opening ourselves to questioning our goals and beliefs swiftly shuts down ambition and sensible risk taking.  Unless directly and quickly addressed, fear and doubt succeed in convincing us that it is not worth the effort or engagement to attempt  challenging or aspirational ambitions.  Doubt and fear are bottomless pits: there is no limit to how deep and dysfunctional these feelings can go in polluting our wellness and sense of worth.

 I am not suggesting mindless and careless indifference to possible threats, but rather pondering whether we have the balance right between love and doubt; trust and fear.  I feel now is the time to start thinking and designing our post-Covid life and the ‘new normal’.  The more positive emotions like love, kindness, inclusion and tolerance are incorporated into this new, revised world, the more promising our tomorrows will be.  .

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CHORE OR BLESSING?

Recently I faced a rather challenging situation. I had to personally move 2 tons (1,800 K) of gravel from the top of my driveway to its final resting place about 100 m at the bottom of my garden.   The gravel had to be carried in a bucket as a wheelbarrow was not an option.  I faced a choice: was this undertaking going to become a miserable chore or a wonderful blessing?

 To me the answer was obvious, as these materials were not going to move themselves.  TOTAL BLESSING!!  Having decided I was fortunate, I needed to convince myself I was indeed lucky.  I had to adjust my mindset to make the feat seem inviting, promising and worthwhile. Being enthusiastic was possible: I just had to do mind games to convince myself real progress was happening. Over two days, the gravel made its journey to the pathway far below. Then, I had to stand back and savour the improvement, feeling great satisfaction at what I had accomplished.

 My point is that often we face distasteful but unavoidable assignments.  Given the tasks inevitable nature, we must decide whether it is an unpleasant chore or a blessing.  Unfortunately, our default setting seems to be less hopeful, and the project lives up to its disappointing conclusion.  The more we remind ourselves that the chore is distasteful, the more it becomes exactly so.  However, without a lot of effort we can mindfully re-frame that challenge into an uplifting experience. 

 As a university lecturer, marking scripts is without a doubt the low point in the semester.  So many of my colleagues drag out the ordeal which only makes matter worse and the students more disheartened.  However, by designing the marking process with lots of breaks and mini-achievements, I was able to complete the grading quickly and fairly and with a personal sense of joy that it was over.  Each of us in our respective careers face these repetitive challenges, so see how you can re-frame and/or re-design yours so they feel more like blessings than chores.

 When you face an inevitable or daunting task, frame and approach it with enthusiasm and joy and the challenge will become a project of joy.  Mindfully practicing this positive head game absolutely works.

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JET LAG

Recently I travelled and was blessed with jet lag.  Yes, BLESSED!!  I had not experienced jet lag in almost two years, and what a total joy it was.  Why?  Because jet lags means I have travelled at least six or more time zones away and must be in a very different environment  / continent.  And isn’t that what travelling is all about?

 Jet lag takes about three days to get over, with the second afternoon and night being less than comfortable or complete, but after that your body clock resets and the adventure really starts.

 Like many of the more special experiences of life, there are some downsides but also immense upsides.  Some inconveniences are generally the price we pay for the awesome memories. 

 The saying ‘No pain, no gain’ is, in my experience, absolutely true.  It doesn’t take long for the gains to materialize and the pains to disappear from our awareness and recollection. 

 I admit that initially I am very aware  of the challenges and costs of engaging in a new activity. However, I approach these teething challenges as the price to be paid.  Knowing in advance there will be “jet lag” makes the actual occurrence more manageable.  Instead, I try to focus on the benefit any  challenges afford.  Causing awesome memoires often requires an adventurous spirit, willing to seek out new knowledge and experiences.  The pains and the gains merge into new and vibrant recollections that will be savoured  for a very long time.

 There is a 100% effective and safe cure for jet lag: never journey far from home.  If one never changes and tries new experiences, then the adjustments and challenges of new adventures will never be felt.  Certainly, there will be few pains, but similarly there will be few gains.  Look carefully at your cost-benefits and consider am I playing things too safe? Maybe it would be advantageous to live with a little more risk taking and uncertainty.

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FEAR AND FRACTIONS

Christine Lagarde suggested: 

Fear is incomplete information.

Whereas incomplete knowledge is not the only explanation for being fearful, it certainly plays a leading role. The fight or flight reflex is based on the premise that where there is uncertainty, our primal instinct is to be frightened and alert, until we are better informed about what is going on. Better to be cautious then casual.

 In 2021, is our fearful nature appropriate or helpful? The rate of deaths per million (or thousand) from war, natural disasters, violence, disease, famine, pandemics and dictatorships has NEVER been as low as it is now. (*) Absolutely, the numbers are high, but today there are over 7.8 billion humans compared to 1.9 billion humans a century earlier: a fourfold increase.  Furthermore, death and tragedy unfortunately make “good” news reporting and increase readership.

An important part of fear management is taking Christine's observation to a rather mundane but useful topic of fractions (and probability). Yes, there are many worrying phenomenon out there (take your pick), but how real are these risks to you? Taking the example of Covid, for much of the early reporting days during the first wave in the UK, the media  focused on the absolute number of US fatalities but failed to note that their rate per million was much lower than the UK or most EU states. No one talked about Belgium, which was in by far the worst state. On the other end, Canada (and BC particularly), was the poster child of excellence, but it was difficult to discern any calm.

So, what is my point? Certainly not to be negligent or foolhardy.  But rather to pause when things are becoming anxious and consider the rate and type of danger imagined. How likely is the challenge contemplated going to happen?  Is it one in a hundred, thousand, million or ???? Note that a daily rate of one in a million means, on average, it will take 1,000,000 days (or 2,740 years) before it will affect you, in all likelihood.  When an event is reported, pause and consider what the sample size is (usually very small, perhaps a few dozen) and the total population size that the sample is taken from (usually very large and in the millions).  Suddenly the news item becomes uninteresting, and your fear subsides.

Observing your fears objectively and rationally may result in many of them evaporating, which makes for a better day.  Rather sober and boring advice to imagine the rate of the phenomena, but that is what more complete knowledge looks like. Remember, there is a third alternative to fight or flight, being to PAUSE and reflect.

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*:  Consider the research of Steven Pinker (The Better Angels of Our Nature) or Hans Rosling (Factfulness), which conclude that life is far safer now than it has ever been in recorded history, after looking at actual data (inevitably we all do die but much older, on average, than ever before).

MORE STUFF

So much gets in the way of our wellness, with our desire for the acquisition of more and more things being near the top of the list of soul corrupting influences.

The desire for things encourages at least five emotions that can undermine our wellbeing. Without prioritizing them, a strong connection with material things often leads to feelings of jealousy, envy, greed, coveting, or a sense of entitlement.  We think these emotions will be satisfied by acquiring more of whatever, but we are rarely satisfied for long, and one goal is replaced by another in our efforts to be satisfied. This perpetual craving for more and the quick adjustment to the new level of success or acquisition is called the Hedonistic treadmill, rarely one advance their wellness by having more or newer stuff.

One can mount a strong offence against these desires by starting with gratitude. Gratitude not only silences much of our craving, but also quiets most of our sense of entitlement. Next, rather than wanting more, start giving things away. Soon, having less feels better than having more. Ask yourself whether you feel like a security guard protecting your possessions, or do you frequently enjoy your bounty? Ponder what it would feel like to lose those things:  how long would it take to get over it, or how much sleep would you lose?  Ask yourself what few processions would you save if you suddenly had to be evacuated from your home?  How long does the buzz of that new object last before it is just part of your collection of stuff? Research suggests that spending money on experiences has much greater and longer positive consequences than consuming tangible things.

My experience has taught me to be on the side of wanting fewer things, more meaningful experiences, leisure over financial gain, quality rather than quantity and giving things away over accumulating things. I think this makes for a more balanced wellbeing. Life is not about becoming a minimalist, but it is about finding your equilibrium between the accumulation of stuff and your wellness.

 Do not become a hostage to your stuff!

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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TWO WEATHER APPS

Part of becoming more British is that one learns to forever fret about the weather. My wife cannot go to bed without checking the forecast and the day starts with a detailed projection of what is coming next.  The British like to tell you when the next rain is expected, so you make the most of it if it is looking promising today.

I am resisting the urge, but I do have two weather apps on my phone.  Earlier this week I checked them both for the local conditions.  At precisely the same time (and likely using the same data) the story they told was rather different: I had to check again whether the location was the same.  One showed clouds and rain at that moment and for much of the morning.  The other showed the sun behind a cloud and suggested the potential of light showers. They both agreed the temperature currently was 14C.  The actual morning was light rain, but nothing worth getting worked up about.

Aren’t these two apps like life? Two of us can look out of the window, read an article or listen to a piece of music and have such different experiences. We are each entitled to how we process our reality, but which app is better for our wellness: clouds and rain or sun with clouds?

A long time ago, the sun with clouds perspective became my dominant view. When events were going well, I relish that moment, and when the circumstances were challenging, I look for the silver lining.   Initially framing things positively took some effort, but before long no prodding was necessary. I learned that for those circumstances that you cannot change, you need to let go of them. Where you have some influence, you need to make the best of what you can do, feeling blessed that you are in that moment none-the-less. Maybe you think I am very naïve or on another planet, and you are most  likely correct, but so what! I have trained myself to be more joyful in my present moment and be excited for whatever is coming up next.  The uncertainty of what it next is exciting, not fearful. An important part of my personal smaller cup theory is to keep as much positivity and gratitude in my cup, looking for awe and wonder and minimizing whatever may bring me down.

Which is your life app: clouds and rain or sun with clouds?  And if you live in Britain,  learn to let go of the weather, unless you are going out cycling!!

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY

 John Lennon noted:

‘Everything will be okay in the end … 

If it’s not okay, then it is not the end.’"

This short observation of life certainly has been proven correct so many times in my life.  Looking back at my many missteps and errors, I note that but for a very few occasions, things ended on satisfactory or pleasing notes; they did indeed end up being okay. We all make mistakes, but somehow things seem to work out, eventually. 

To start the process of recovery, it was essential that I privately and profoundly acknowledged my mistakes, accepting responsibility for my actions and the consequences: no blame shifting or looking for scape goats.  Feeling a victim only prolongs the healing process.  Next, there must be a lesson to be learned: to make mistakes is human, to repeat the mistake is total foolishness.  Where apologies or requests for forgiveness are required, we need to get on with it.  Where there were others involved that may have contributed to the situation, unconditional forgiving of them may also be required. 

Now the harder part; waiting and patience.  Reasonably, when I erred, it is fair game that some time is required to absorb, learn from and get over the event.  Nothing instant or overnight.  Months may pass but the “not being okay” state did pass eventually.  What was curious was when the dust finally settled, the new “okay” was frequently very different then I had imagined and sometimes better than before the process started.

Finally, let’s check if matters are actually OKAY.  Looking at my past transgressions I apply the erase test.  What is this?  Imagine that personal error had never occurred and 100% of ALL related knock-on effects were forever erased and had also never occurred.  Speculate as to whether you would be where you are today, in your current reality.  More likely than  not, much of your current circumstances would be otherwise. If you are okay with where you are now, then indeed it is the end of that episode and it did end well.

Work with the healing process: matters will be okay or better, eventually.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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COURAGE

The pandemic has brought to my attention how differently individuals have reacted to the risks associated with Covid.  At one end there are those that have taken the idea of social distancing to the extreme.  A sense of anxiousness envelops them.  Some others have an almost, ”What’s the problem?” perspective.  Indifference describes them. And somewhere in-between most of us sit. Our reactions display different levels of anxiety and fear. Or posed another way, how much courage you have.

It is worth noting that you cannot be courageous unless you are also afraid: courage is about how you handle being frightened. Courage is not allowing fear to rule your decisions.  Courage is about how you deal with uncertainty; do you run away or carefully consider the odds and alternatives and make an informed confident decision accordingly.

A world that does not require courage would be a world where nothing changes: a place of  total certainty, no surprises, no mystery or adventure. There is no correct reaction to the challenges, but life outcomes are materially influenced by your “courage choices.”

The brain does not fully develop the part that manages risk taking until your late teens.  One reason suggested is that being more fearless and courageous as a youngster gives us boundaries as to what works and what doesn’t.  Later, when we become parents, this helps us provide saver environments for our own children.  An important part of maturity is the lessons learned from your successful and unsuccessful life experiments and experiences of your youth.

How do you cope with fearful situations?   Do you default to being afraid, or push to expand your comfort zone and sense of adventure?  May I suggest being continuously more courageous is the way to go, but one step-at-a-time. Remember to learn from your successes and failures, don’t repeat your disappointments and adjust your risk-taking accordingly.

Note: Please get vaccinated: it is good for others (and yourself).

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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DO THINGS FOR THE RIGHT REASONS

Why do I do what I do when I do what I do?  We see a focus on the quick pay-off, hit-and-run motivation driving so much of our life.  Do whatever, bill the client, get a jolt of pleasure and ignore whether there is a higher purpose to our existence.  Do I ask whether my conduct is proper in the long run?  Is what I do helpful for humanity? My soul? My community? 

I would argue that putting money, success or a moment of pleasure before wellness is a formula for disappointment and underachievement.  Much better to do things for noble reasons.  The fruit of this will certainly be a more positive sense of self and purpose.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, you reap what you sow.   When we only concern ourselves with the short term, we get an immediate but non-sustainable bit of joy.  Before you do something, speculate whether it is good for your longer-term goals.  If yes, you will likely be rewarded with a more joyful and purposeful future. 

I have also been so fortunate to teach students who became extremely successful in their chosen career.  What distinguished them way back when I first encountered them was that they were fascinated and excited with commerce.  They sought out their career for the right reason; it empowered and inspired them and now they are respected leaders in their communities.

Doing things for short term benefits is largely a zero-sum strategy. You get back an amount equal to what you give up.  Do things for less noble reasons and you may get a short term pay-off, but in the longer term your reputation for integrity and honesty may be challenged.

Do things because it is good for others, the environment, or for a higher purpose. Over an extended period one of the most prized benefits will emerge, a good reputation.  Others will see you as someone with integrity, someone they trust, want to do business with and be with.

Regularly consider whether your actions will improve or undermine your reputation. If your reputation is improved, your well-being will also flourish.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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BEING A BETTER YOU

Seven independent themes in the self-improvement literature are listed below:

          I.            Be the best version of yourself that you can be.

        II.            Only compare yourself to your yesterday.

     III.            Go with your strengths, manage your weaknesses.

     IV.            Be kind to yourself.

       V.            Strive to be 0.1% better every day.

     VI.            Acknowledge and savour your successes.

  VII.            What gets measured or observed gets done.

VIII.            Risk excellence.

I have not seen these suggestions combined, but taken together they are an excellent strategy for self-improvement:

To put this process into action, start by making an inventory of both your strengths and your weaknesses. Be honest and blunt about yourself, as none of us are either perfect or totally imperfect.  Next, select one or two of the weaknesses that are hampering you from becoming a better person.  For example, I decided to focus on being more patient and less prone to being frustrated.  Then, mindfully monitor your thoughts and actions. 

Compare your progress in managing your weaknesses.  Expect setbacks but also progress.  After a few weeks, change tact, and select one or two of your redeeming qualities which can also be improved and increase the frequency that you express them. Ultimately it is always better to lead with your strengths and manage your weaknesses. Interestingly, when you change your focus, the earlier targets still get attention in your sub-conscious self.  Shaking things up accelerates becoming a better version of you.

Please be kind to yourself.  That’s where the 0.1% daily improvement goal comes into play.  Whereas 0.1% sound small, that is precisely the point.  Being a better you is a  continuous improvement project, played out over a lifetime.  Small, baby steps do make huge differences in a relatively short period of time.  At 0.1% daily improvement, after a year you are a 40% better version of yourself; that is serious progress!

Finally, please acknowledge your progress.  This encourages you to keep on track and set new goals and expectations.  What get measures or observed gets done;  and what you do not recognize tends to lapse.  If you ignore your effort, it may only be a short matter of time before your “better you” project fails.

Being the best version of you is a project well worth investing in.  The rewards for you and your acquaintances will be significant. Risk excellence!

 Reflection Source: www.smallercup.org

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