Is Success Mountain Climbing or a Journey?

Early in my career I thought of success like climbing a mountain. The peak stands tall, representing the big achievement, but is that really the whole point of the climb? Or is there something more to it? Over time, I’ve come to realise that the real treasure isn’t just reaching the top (as there is no ultimate summit) —it’s in the happiness and well-being we experience along the way.

So, let’s explore this idea together:

1. Does happiness come before success, or does it follow after?

2. If success is meant to bring happiness, does that feeling truly last once we reach our goal?

3. Can happiness itself make success more likely—and the journey a little easier?

For a long time, many of us have been taught that success leads to happiness. And yes, achieving some (financial) goal can bring a rush of joy—but it rarely last. Too often, as soon as we reach one peak, we spot another, taller one in the distance. Instead of taking in the moment, we find ourselves chasing the next big thing, caught in what’s known as the “hedonic treadmill”—always striving but never quite feeling like we’ve arrived.

But what if there’s another way? What if we chose to enjoy each step rather than waiting for happiness at the finish line? When we take time to celebrate small wins and appreciate the view along the way, the journey itself feels richer. We feel lighter, more energized, and success starts to feel less like a distant goal and more like a natural part of life. In fact, when we carry joy with us, we’re better prepared for the challenges ahead, as if we’ve packed an extra supply of strength and spirit for the road. Put another way, enjoying the journey resulted in success; joy proceeds and empowers success.

The best way to manage the temptation of the hedonic treadmill is to control our expectations and step onto it less frequently, with intention, care, and a clear goal—and just as importantly, an exit strategy. If we find joy in the journey, then success becomes a companion rather than a destination. And in the end, a well-lived life isn’t just about how high we climb—it’s about the stories we share, the laughter along the way, and the moments of wonder that make the journey truly worthwhile.

Why Should You Do Anything?

I've noticed recently that so much of life, career, the moment, and politics revolves around quick payoffs, especially financial ones. What will increase share prices, earnings, salaries, election chances, bonuses, promotions, friendships, billable hours, or sales? It just goes on and on. And you know what? It’s so utterly boring, uninteresting, and, frankly, sad. If there’s one thing that undermines happiness and wellness, it’s doing something for the wrong reasons.

In the long run, you should do important things for the right reasons. There are two key aspects to this—thinking long-term and ensuring your motivations are genuine.

Let’s start with the opposite of the long run—the short run. Life is nothing more than a continuous sequence of short runs patched together. That’s what makes the short run both boring and amazing—it never stops. It’s the one thing all living beings share: the present moment. Because the present is so precious, it should be cherished as a gift (which is why it’s called the present).

If your focus is solely on immediate rewards, you may wake up one day and realise you’ve accumulated nothing meaningful—only empty victories. Life is also a preview of eternal and perpetual tomorrows. The key is to balance today with tomorrow, keeping an eye on the future while still appreciating the now. The less you invest in the future, the smaller it will be. But, at the same time, don’t over-invest and forget to live today.

How do you ensure you’re doing things for the right reasons? Ask yourself:

• Are you coming from the right place?

• What will others remember tomorrow (if at all)?

• Does this benefit others and make their world a better place?

• Is it done with a sense of joy and carefreeness?

• Would you want someone to do this for you?

Make a habit of running your choices through your own internal “quiz show.” It’s a great way to keep the present meaningful and ensure a fulfilling tomorrow.

Here are some guiding principles that help me:

• Integrity

• Joyfulness

• Contributing to others’ wellness

• Honouring commitments

• Acting with carefreeness

• Treating others as you’d like to be treated

Chasing short-term payoffs often creates future problems—an unhealthy cycle of quick wins leading to bigger challenges. But if you incorporate the long run into today, your present will improve, as will your future. Ironically, this approach may even enhance the very things people chase—career success, financial stability, meaningful relationships, and a sense of self-worth.

So, why should you do anything? Because what you do today shapes tomorrow.

Achievement and Your Calling

The notion of achievement has really got my fancy.  It seems to explain so much of my awesome life journey.  Somewhere in my early forties, my life fortunes seem to fall into place and stay that way. Particularly, achievement, engagement, purpose and calling joined up and my well-being almost permanently was improved.  Looking back, what brought all these circumstances together: it was achievement!

Sometime in my forties I began to enjoy significant career satisfaction: going to work was like going to play. The more time I was involved in my career, the more I enjoyed it.  I was in the FLOW for so many moments from when I left my home until I returned.  But what was it that brought such pleasure and purpose? It was the countless very small successes that happened every day.  Lectures became shows.  Learners were the audience.  The curriculum was the music and art.  Building lectures was my canvas.  Achievements were everywhere, and unconsciously many task I did become a chance to achieve and excel.  Even the most mundane task of marking exams became an art form where each script was an opportunity to impress me and let the learner shine.  Effort and talent were working together as a team. 

Purposeful opportunities were everywhere.  Encouraging my learners to understand better and more deeply became my educator goal.  Wondering why something made sense to me became a mystery adventure.  Imaging WHY became my mission statement.  My lectureship career became a calling.  The cycle of flourishing repeated itself and continues to this day.

I hope I don’t come across as boasting or proud, rather I am sharing the eureka of discovering why and how my calling evolved.  It was all about inventing baby step achievements such that the smallest task was a joy I savoured and a chance to do a little better. 

Many of us can harmonize our engagement, meaning (purpose), achievement and calling.  Want to upgrade your career to a calling? Use achievement as the catalyst.  Design micro achievement tasks and moments into your day and relish those successes.

-Ful

The suffix “FUL” is an extremely empowering additive to life and well-being. Consider the follow “FUL” words:

Wonderful, grateful, peaceful, joyful, mindful, hopeful, beautiful, cheerful, thoughtful, respectful, insightful, trustful, truthful, faithful, thankful, fruitful, merciful, meaningful, plentiful.

What makes these “FUL” words so inspiring is that it implies one is FULL OF these positive emotions.  Not only is one FULL but also in the present moment or mindful.  MindFULness can be defined as the process of purposely bringing one's attention to experiences occurring in the present moment without judgment.  Mindfulness is a state of being where one is “FULL of the mind”.  You are totally in the present moment in a non-judgemental manner.  You let the moment fill you.  In advance you might set the intentions for your mindfulness.  By deliberately choosing those uplifting FUL emotions to fill the moment with you can improve your spirits materially.

If you imagine these “FUL” words and reverse the order so they start with “FULL OF” it can change your spirits and well-being quickly.  Wonderful becomes “full of wonder” or peaceful becomes “full of peace”.   Thankful becomes “full of thanks”.  Not only does the emotion feel different, but it also feels more real, immediate and personal. *

As the name of this blog asks:  Is your glass half FULL, half empty or YOU JUST NEED A SMALLER CUP?  What is expected is that this cup is filled with these positive feelings of well-being.

Challenge yourself to be FULL and even FULLER of the wonder of the present moment. Enjoy the fullness of life by letting the wonders of life fill you.

*: Curious one of the most used FUL word is awful.  However, awful’s root is to be full of awe or being inspired, which is anything but awful, rather is awe-full.

Jealousy

In the early ‘90s I travelled about China and learned a curious term the Chinese had for jealousy.  I was told the Chinese sometimes called it “red-eye disease**”. China was in the early stages of its amazing economic transformation, but there were signs already of what economic prosperity could do the social fabric of a country.  Just below the surface lurked envy and jealousy of the more fortunate.  Back then in China having an electric fan, a fridge or a foreign made TV were top of the list of objects most envied and displayed in one’s home.

In the West, a similar phenomenon is rampant and thriving, only here we call envy the “green eyed monster”. Consumerism, materialism, designer brands and the celebrity culture all promote cravings for what one does not have, and a jealousy of those who HAVE IT, whatever it is.  Advertising and social media aim to make us mindful of what is missing in our lives, telling us if we only had “X” then we would be happy.

Mark Twain noted that “comparison is the death of joy,” as the act of comparing generally focuses our minds on what we do not have, rather than what we possess already. 

Very likely anyone reading this reflection is in the top 5% or better of the world population in terms of income, possessions, education, health and wealth, and yet we still can desire more, without considering our very good fortune.

The most effective key to well-being is an attitude of gratitude, the very opposite of jealousy.  Rather than having a half full or empty glass, a smaller glass is the best antidote to red-eye disease, and it is free and immune to marketing.

**: 眼红 is a Chinese slang that is used to describe someone who is jealous of another person who is better off than oneself.

Telescope or Microscope?

Are you viewing life through a telescope of wonder and promise?  Or are you viewing life through a microscope of what is missing and remiss?  Are you looking upwards with awe and amazement or looking inward with disappointment and longing? 

When I look upwards, whether at the moon, clouds, blue sky or that distant hill it usually inspires me about the awesomeness of my surroundings and good fortune.  Pleasure and joy are the more frequent emotions.  When I look forward, I do see beauty but also walls, traffic, and other obstacles. I feel grounded and grateful for my bounty. When I look down, I too often see litter, cracks in the sidewalk and don’t feel especially positive.  And when I start looking inward what I see too often is what is missing, not what is there.

 It is essential to be mindful of your circumstances and challenges, and to have compassion for those that are less blessed. These microscopic perspectives on your present moment keep you grounded and real.  But does this depict the present moment as an opportunity full of promise or just more of the same-old same-old?  Being introspective or retrospective limits the possible perspective of looking upward at a richer now.

Telescoping upward in your present moment opens wonder.  Have you ever looked at the moon on a clear night, or a view of a distant mountain, or a seascape and felt disappointment?  Yet when your microscope inward do your spirits generally improve?  Yes, please ponder who you are, where you are at and mystery of life.  But spend at least as much time looking up at all the beauty around and above you.

Given a choice of whether to use a microscope or a telescope to look for what is and isn’t there, give me the telescope any time.  What is beyond is infinite and limitless, whereas what is within is finite and limited. Do spend more time looking upwards: there is a lot out there that is outside our imaginations.

 Please be kind, patient and thoughtful to your partner and others.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR

I lived for a year in one of the most financially prosperous cities in the world.  If there was a lottery and the prize was to be immensely rich, well this was it.  There were malls everywhere and any conceivable consumable pleasure was not far away.  ‘Shop ‘til you drop’ was a national obsession and past time.  They had won the “life” lottery (after all, someone has to) and got the prize of having financial abundance beyond belief.

I was gone after a year; what a relief. I learned and observed an important lesson:  Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it.  Imagine you got that amazing car, house, partner, career or whatever you asked for: would that be it and nirvana forever after?  What was especially obvious was that the citizens of this prosperous country were anything but happy.  They got what they wished for and thereafter they exhibited the behaviour of a rather bored, purposeless and restless person.

Many aspirations are indeed uplifting and noble, but many are not. How often do we silently say to ourselves: “I wish I had….”    How do you sort them out?  I ask a rather simple question: “Imagine it is a rainy, miserable Tuesday in the fall and it is 11 AM and you had or were doing what you asked for, would you feel purposeful and happy?”  Maybe you would feel blessed and grateful for whatever you had: great!  Or perhaps that ocean front view, car, job, office, or wardrobe might just as easily be humdrum and bland.

So what are attributes of more purposeful or worthwhile living to aspire to?  The psychologist Martin Seligman summarized five measurable elements of what he described as flourishing* or well-being:  Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Achievement (or PERMA). 

If what you desire does not contribute to at least one of the elements, move on.   If the answer is YES, go for it.  If the answer is MAYBE, speculate what is missing and whether you can supplement your desire with it.  If it cannot be bundled together, than stop.  If the answer is NO, let go of that desire, as it is likely very superficial and just a consumption urge coming out of boredom.

Finally, if what you get is what you asked for and it is great, be especially GRATEFUL!!

 Reflection Source:  www.Smallercup.org

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*: "Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing" by Martin Seligman 

Your “One” Sentence

In 1962, Clare Boothe Luce, one of the first women to serve in the U.S. Congress, offered some advice to President John F. Kennedy. “A great man,” she told him, “is one sentence.” Abraham Lincoln’s sentence was: “He preserved the union and freed the slaves.” Franklin Roosevelt’s was: “He lifted us out of a great depression and helped us win a world war.*

You don’t need to be the president of the USA, or your local PTA, to ponder this curious challenge. At the core of this one sentence summary is the issue: What is your PURPOSE? What larger than life goal gets you up in the morning and inspires you to want to make a difference?  Rather than imagining your eulogy or shortened CV, the one sentence summary of your purpose cuts to the quick of what really matters to you.

In fairness, I think you really have two short sentences. 

The first, is the overarching sense of purpose as it relates to your relationship and spiritual journey.  What does your soul yearn for?  How do you want to be remembered by the people in your life that are your heritage and legacy? What soulful difference do you want to make to them? This sentence stays relatively constant, but how you actualize it changes with time.

The second, less important but still significant, one sentence would relate to your sphere of influence, be that work, family or within your community.  For me, that sentence has significantly evolved as my career matured and I more clearly understood the potential purpose of what my career might do, but for others their purpose and goals may look very different.  When I started lecturing over forty years ago, I could not have imagined how profoundly I could make a difference to my learners.  Similarly, depending on where your sphere of influence resides, the way you can purposely make a difference changes. When you are younger, it can be more of a challenge to define that larger opportunity, but don’t wait until you are in your fifties to articulate your sentence.  The clearer and sooner that sentence is written, the more chance you have to see it effectively realised.

As you contemplate your purpose, begin with the big question: What are your two  sentences?

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink

The Hard Work + Success → Happiness MYTH

Most of you were raised on a formula of happiness that suggested that if you worked really hard someday you would be happy.  Guess what!  Recent research strongly suggests this proverb is WRONG, because it has the cause and effect reversed!!  The correct formula is:

Happiness + Hard Work → Success

If you start with a positive, happy, optimistic frame of mind and works hard, then success, however defined, is much more likely to result and more importantly, be experienced. 

Using the traditional formula absolutely does not work as each achievement (success milestone) encourages one to set an even higher benchmark for happiness.  You get a promotion, complete a course of studies, meet the person of your dreams and you feel satisfied and happy for a few months and then you set a new target or grow accustomed to this new normal.

Instead, research suggests that if you start out with a happier, more positive disposition and work hard, success is more likely to be a bi-product. The happiness causes success cycle than repeats itself and the contentment and achievements multiply.  Your physical and mental health, life span, relationships, bank accounts and career are all generally in much better shape than when we use the traditional success causes happiness work ethic.

Re-engineering your work and life ethic to this new paradigm should not be frightening, rather it should be inspiring.  Given the counter-intuitive nature of happiness breeding success, changing to this new approach is not automatic, immediate or effortless, it requires focus and mindful attention to change your habits. The challenge now is to develop life skills which proactively and deliberately improve wellness and the likelihood of success will follow. 

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Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

 For further reading, if you interested: 

The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success?, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Laura King, Ed Diener; Psychological Bulletin, Vol 131(6), Nov 2005, 803-855

AFFECTIVE FORECASTING

Affective forecasting is a fancy economics and psychology term. It describes how we anticipate our future mental and emotional state may be affected by our current decisions and actions.  We anticipate whether our current actions will  affect future emotions in terms of being good or bad and how strong and long that emotion will be.

Stated more simply, often we carefully consider doing something by imagining what will transpire because of that action.  The hardwiring of our brain is based on the fight or flight survival mechanism, so we generally put a cautious and negative spin on the outcome.  Better safe than sorry, better the devil we know than the devil we don’t,  we say to ourselves.  If what we are contemplating is potentially unkind or dangerous such caution is warranted.  But is our life really that risky or untoward? 

Researchers have investigated the accuracy of our affective forecasting and noted that generally our predictions are poor and inaccurate, especially when we are considering doing something kind or compassionate.  Perhaps we refrain from striking up an innocent conservation with a stranger because we fear rejection or an awkward conversation.  Experiments tested this hypothesis: individuals were asked to either start or refrain from a random conversation with a fellow passenger on a train ride. Afterwards, they were asked to summarize their experience.  Those that engaged in conversation had a much more positive recollection of their train journey.

 There is a lot of research like this suggesting that human beings are bad at affective forecasting. Not just in short-term situations like the train study, but in the longer term, too. We seem particularly bad at forecasting the benefits of relationships. A big part of this is the obvious fact that relationships can be messy and unpredictable. This messiness is some of what prompts many of us to prefer being alone. It’s not just that we are seeking solitude; it’s that we want to avoid the potential mess of connecting with others. But we overestimate that mess and underestimate the beneficial effects of human connection. This is a feature of our decision making in general: we pay a lot of attention to potential costs and downplay or dismiss potential benefits. *

So, what are some of  the findings of this research?  Firstly, we should risk random acts of kindness more often.  If you want to do something kind, then do it!  Secondly, we are not very good at predicting the outcomes of our positive actions.  Thirdly, we are more likely to be pleasantly surprised than disappointed when we risk being kind in an uncertain situation.  The motto we were fed as children to not trust strangers may be good for youngsters, but not a helpful guide as we get older.  Risk being kind (but don’t be stupid, know your limits).

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*:  The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Study on Happiness by Robert Waldinger, Marc Schulz

BEING and/or DOING?

We seem to spend so much time doing that we forget we are human beings, not human doings. But how does one get from doing to being? By recognizing that the only thing we have is the present moment – the past is past, and the future is still ahead of us. We need to live in the NOW.

There are two cycles we are perpetually involved in: the doing and the being aspects of life.  The DOING, DO, DONE loop of life is important but it should not overwhelm the BE, BEING sequence.   Regularly one should acknowledge that actions and busyness are FINISHED, and it is time to smell the coffee and savour and relish the moment.

Just being in the moment means appreciating what has been done, being quiet, and being at peace.  It means consciously stopping and evaluating before you go from one relentless task to another. That is what NOW is all about.  Regularly taking an inventory of your blessings, achievements and progress settles the spirit and improves your well-being.

Forever pursuing tasks and doing more is exhausting and is well served with the occasional reflective moments.  Maybe meditation is not your cup of tea but invent your own calming exercises.  Setting aside chill out breaks recharges the brain, encourages creative thinking, problem solving and well-being. 

 Four of the ten positive emotions are about experiencing and being in the moment.  They are amusement, awe, inspiration and interest.  Being in the now means engaging your various senses to non-judgementally savour and capture whatever is around you.  Challenge yourself to smile, find beauty and joy in what is going around you.   There are so many grand things going on around and within you, but maybe you just aren’t seeing them. 

 Challenge your powers of observation to record the amusing, awesome, inspiring and interesting things about your present moment. You might find this very hard to begin with, but practice makes it easier, and it will improve your mood and probably your productivity too!

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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SEVENTY

I deliberately avoid getting too personal in my reflections, but today is an exception.  Why? Because today I turn the big SEVEN ZERO.  What a long, awesome and strange trip it has been.  A few days of regret and all the other moments mostly shades of joy, gratitude and being blessed.  So what have I learned?

The most important thing has been my evolving spiritual journey.  Allowing for the sense of sacredness puts my circumstances in perspective and keeps me on task. I have learned to look upward, then inward, and finally outward. This has  empowered me with a positive sense of purpose, peace and connection, and allows me to live in the present moment, without focusing too much on past mistakes or future worries. 

 The sense of some things being sacred encouraged me to not take myself too seriously, as I am extremely insignificant.  Knowing I am unimportant allows me to be carefree and have a very positive attitude.  Setbacks (of which there were many) really didn’t matter.  The key is to be optimistic in the present moment.  I learned that taking myself too seriously just sets me up to be especially judgemental, pensive, self-conscious  and other than joyful and alive.

 Discovering the power of gratitude was one of my epiphany moments.  Making gratefulness be a central plank of my daily rituals and awareness opened possibilities for joy  and positivity.  What an empowering discovery gratitude is!

About fifty years ago I learned a simple truth:  We are all extremely similar and  largely  differ on how we apply and actualize our similarity.  Being similar does not undermine being special. Exaggerating our uniqueness is often unhelpful, whereas being okay with who are makes such a different. What I want you likely want and what I don’t want you likely don’t want either.  Wow!!  Appreciating the power of this unifying theme allows me to interact with others freely and honestly.  Restraining our goodness because we think we are the only one feeling a certain way robs you and society of so much bounty.

 Someone stated:

The past is history, the future a mystery and the present moment a gift. That is why this moment is called a present.

That is absolutely bang on.  I don’t feel seventy or seven, I feel now old and  amazingly young!!

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Habits

Confucius noted that “All humans are the same, except for their habits.” 

Habits are your natural tendencies or practices.  They determine how you behave or react to a situation and they are automatic reflexes, often unconsciously made.  We are all largely the same biologically, but we differ in how we behave or react to things.

Given that habits define your uniqueness and personality, then maturing habits that enhance contentment and wellness would be constructive. I have struggled to make my intentional activities (the 40% I control, see graph below) habitual and more beneficial.  Learning to be grateful, positive and reframing problems to possible thinking took a lot of mindful effort.  However, with practice these responses and perspectives became my natural habits - my default reaction.

Habits do have a pattern in their formation.  Repeating the same behavior consistently, deliberately and with mindful determination, for on average for 66 days, make a behavior or response automatic and habitual.   The wonderful reward of building wellness and contentment habits is that you get a subtle but real reward almost immediately and sub-consciously; you feel better quite quickly.  But just like medicine, once you start to feel improved health you often stop taking the medicine.  So also with wellness habits. 

Positive psychology suggests that the most useful and easiest well-being habit to mature is gratitude.  Start a gratitude journal to note your blessings, finding three to five things to be grateful for EVERY day.  Express internally or externally gratitude at every available opportunity (and especially when you are in a difficult situation).  Search for wonder in your present moment. 

Design your wellness program and invest 66 days to see what happens.  Nothing to lose- just take baby steps, one habit at a time.

Think about looking at some of your strengths and making them more habitual and regular.

What other well-being habits might you want to cultivate?

Ø  seeking opportunities for service

Ø  delaying gratification to its most opportune moment

Ø  exercising

Ø  working with your willpower to make it stronger

Ø  wanting less

Ø  practicing resilience

Ø  looking for opportunities to express your purpose.   

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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For further reading, if you are interested:

How are habits formed: Modelling Habit Formation in the Real World,  Phillippa Lally,  Cornelia H. M. van Jaarsveld,  Henry W. W. Potts,  Jane Wardle; European Journal of Social Psychology, 16 July 2009, https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674.

GOOD CRAZY

Everyone has a natural comfort zone, a range of events and behaviours where one feels at peace.  I eat almost the same breakfast every day and listen  to same news cast most evenings.  These rituals and habits are rather boring, but they work for me. 

 But where is the excitement and now of the moment?  To supplement this static existence, I seek out what I call “GOOD CRAZY”.  Good means not harmful to oneself or others, and more likely beneficial and uplifting.  Crazy suggests carefree, random, other than usual and most importantly fun.  Added together, good crazy affords immense scope to be in the moment, happy and feeling alive.

 There is so much opportunity for adventure and joy in the present moment if one only steps outside one’s comfort zone.  Why not pay a compliment to a colleague, buy a thoughtful gift for a friend, take a different route home or have a different breakfast?  These little tweaks to our regular patterns makes the day feel more memorable and real.

 Good crazy unlocks so many chances to do wonderful things for others or oneself.  One wonders why we don’t naturally seek to do more spontaneous good.  Perhaps it is because we are on automatic pilot or just too comfortable being other than crazy. 

 Some people assume that if others were to act more in the moment that might imply doing wrong or evil things.  My observation is that there is so much more privatized goodness eager to be expressed than evil.  Going more public with one’s immediate positive emotions will release much wellness.  Being good crazy is about empowering goodness, but please contain those bad crazy impulses.  

 Experiment with your good crazy zone, it will likely improve your circumstances.  To slightly paraphrase Lou Reed, “Walk on the wilder side”. 

 Risk a little good crazy to spice up your life.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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HUMAN BEING OR HUMAN DOING

So what are you, a human being or a human doing?  To improve wellness should you focus on being or doing? Certainly sounds like there is a difference and it is more than semantics. 

A human doing would likely be DOING; busy, active, focusing on the immediate task and what to do next. Worrying, anxious, perhaps in the flow, but only marginally, in what might be a mindful or joyful moment.  The future or past often overwhelms the present moment.

And the human being would likely be BEING; existing mindfully in the moment, NOW, feeling blessed, calm and at peace.  Yes, there is a future and a past, but now is NOW, the moment matters.

It feels like BEING is a noun state of existence and DOING is a verb state of existence.  One of the biggest challenge to wellness and peace is to find and be in a BEING state of mind regularly and profoundly; society values so highly the DOING state of mind that you forget to BE in the here and NOW.  How many times have you heard, “Smell the coffee.” or “Life is about the journey, not the destination.” 

Being active and engaged is absolutely essential and valuable, but always acting in a state of action denies the present moment its due respect and purpose.  Regularly taking time out to observe your situation and circumstance, to pause and see the glory of your present moment; to be thankful; to reflect on your very existence; to seek out something wonderful, unique, curious, special and worthy of sharing.

Recently I observed the doing versus being dilemma.  A friend went on a hike to the top of a hill with a splendid view of Rhossili beach.  My friend,  while observing the view, was mindfully anxious of the decent and fretted about the way down.  This somewhat diminished the grandeur of the amazing panorama display below us.  She eventually got into the BEING moment and let go of the DOING future scramble down and found peace and awe (and a selfie moment).

Actively and purposely doing the act of BEING is what makes you a human being and lets you escape the endless pursuit of activity and what to do next. 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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You Experience Tens of Millions of People Every Day!

Look at whatever you are holding or using this very moment.  Perhaps it is a pen, a phone, a cup of coffee or an article of clothing.  How many people were directly involved in making that item, going right back to its basic raw material, assembly, transportation, trading and selling of these components and finished goods?  Then add those people indirectly involved in this item, those that had invented and assembled the tools required for its production.  And then add those involved in the various other supply chains required for that item to be in your hand this very moment.  Certainly tens or hundreds of thousands were involved in just this item, not to mention the many others things you interact with today. Added together just for today, I am sure well over 10 million people made your day happen. 

SO WHAT??!! Anyone who imagines themselves to be self-reliant and independent overstates their self-importance or significance.  We interact with all these people and need each other for our very existence.  Their effort, touch and presence allowed for your day. 

If you are interconnected with that many people every day, should you be selfish and uninterested in their wellbeing?  Or appreciate their input into your wellness?  You are so inter-connected with and in need of others that their well-being should be part of your mindfulness and concern. 

Being kind, thoughtful and respectful of others will make your life more human and meaningful.  Similarly, today tens of millions of people indirectly experienced you.  Wouldn’t it be nice if they acted kindly, thoughtfully and respectfully towards you?  Making others day and life better WILL equally improve your situation and condition. 

Truly, what goes around, comes round.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Celebrate What is Right with Your Present Moment

How do you view a half full cup? Happy full, half empty or needing a smaller cup?

What matters is the point of view you bring to your present situation.  When you read the newspaper, visit a news website, or watch/listen to a news cast, you will notice that these tend to focus on what is wrong with our world.  Only the sports pages exalt our achievements, but then with a biased perspective. Sadly, the world seems addicted to this negative narrative and perspective, rejecting a more positive perspective as naïve or Pollyanna-like in nature.

Celebrate what is right with your situation; seek out the excellence, bounty and blessing within your present moment.  Change your point of view, change your lens of life, and seek out with the positive - RIGHT NOW!  One of the most wonderful aspects of looking for the positive is that there are many perspectives and ways to view each situation in a better light. Once you identify these, risk being in awe of them.  Don’t analyze these blessings with a critical eye and destroy the mystery, but rather enjoy them without the cynicism that seems to have invaded our cultural perspective.

While you are in the spirit of celebrating what is right with your present moment, reflect on those who you are close to, and acknowledge their good points and how they improve your present situation.  Be prepared to marvel and appreciate the good around you. 

For every wrong, failure or weakness you observe, deliberately look for an equal number of kindnesses and strengths to CELEBRATE.  This conscious reframing of your present moment will reward you with wellness.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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For further reflection:  Please do listen to the TEDx Talk by Dewitt Jones called “Celebrate what’s right with the world!” Well worth the 18 minutes of your time.

COMPASSION?!?

The idea of compassion has long intrigued me.  When I think of some of the Nobel Peace Prize winners (for example Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Malala Yousafzai), I recognize compassion in action but I still do not know how I can be better at being compassionate. 

Looking up compassion in the dictionary (sympathetic consciousness for others' distress, together with a desire to alleviate it [Webster] or sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others [Oxford]) was helpful, but still did not connect with me, as it sounded so abstract. 

Finally, I read the wonderful and inspiring book “The Book of Joy” by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu and the simplest and most concise summary of compassion was provided, being:

Can I help?      

or     

How can I help?

Now, looking back at the Nobel Peace Prize winners I was able to identify the common theme to their character, a selfless willingness to help others, especially when the odds were stacked against them.

Regularly pondering how you can help others in your community or the world at large is an excellent step forward in practicing compassion. Science has found that compassion is contagious; when one is compassionate, others note the kindness and are also inclined to be equally caring - a ripple effect often expands outwards and multiples.

Compassion is the compliment to gratitude: combining an attitude of gratitude with “How can I help?” will make the world a better place.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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YOUR EXPLANATORY STYLE

Imagine the scene: something noteworthy happens to you, evoking an emotional reaction, and later that day you describe the event to a friend.  The way you explain this event goes a long way to summarizing your state of well-being, and how you view your circumstances in terms of being an optimist or pessimist.

One way of looking at optimism and pessimism is as different explanatory styles. An explanatory style means the way we explain our experiences or the events which happen to us. Research has found that optimists and pessimists have different explanatory styles.

Optimists attribute the cause of NEGATIVE events and experiences to external, specific,  and transient factors.  Pessimists do the opposite; they attribute the cause of bad events to internal, global and permanent factors. Interestingly, these positions are reversed when we explain POSITIVE events and experiences. Optimists think about good outcomes as being personal, permanent, and pervasive, whereas pessimists think the opposite (external, specific, and transient).*

But is this the end of the story for a pessimist? No!

Intentionally, you can challenge your pessimistic summary of events and experiences by changing one’s explanatory style.  One highly effective way of becoming more optimistic is to monitor your explanatory style and challenge the negative explanations you make. Psychologists call this disputing.  

It may sound pompous or naïve that when something wonderful occurs, do you take credit for it and presume it to be the new normal?  Or when things go poorly, do you assume that is it not your fault and an exception?  Or would you rather assume it is your fault, pervasive and permanent? Neither spin is the whole picture or anymore truthful.  But which framing perspective is more likely to make your life and situation more serene and well?

Dare to be intentionally hopeful, modestly proud, and grateful for your blessings.  Let go of ruminating about life’s missteps and taking them personally, assuming they will persist.  Being an optimist won’t necessarily change your life, but it will significantly improve how you experience your life. And isn’t that one of the goals of improved well-being.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: A Practical Guide to Positive Psychology: Achieve Lasting Happiness, Bridget Grenville-Cleave

RESILIENCE

Being resilient is an important aspect of well-being.  Being resilient means being able to bounce back and be flexible after experiencing a set-back.  After two years of stepping back and retreating into our own homes more and more, is it time to step forward?  How do we reverse our lack of stepping out into the world?  The economist Markus Brunnermeier* suggests that central to being resilient are the qualities of being flexible and more risk tolerant.  

 Being resilient encourages us to be able to bend and adjust our actions, as we experience external pressures.  New circumstances often expect new responses and unique plans.  Covid certainly has tested our ability to adapt and flexibly respond.  Can we remember how much easier and natural it was to be sociable two years ago?  Our new more cautious ‘normal’ is becoming a habit.  Do we want to stay this way?

 The other part of Brunnermeier’s  remedy is not generally mentioned.  How are we adjusting our risk taking ability?  Have we become overly cautious and fearful?  Do situations which two years ago would have been mundane now seem frightening?  When we face an overwhelming challenge, it is reasonable to be cautious and dial-up our anxiousness; that is fight or flight in action.  But the rhythm  of cautiousness is to adjust our actions and return to a less stressful equilibrium quickly and flexibly.  We are now living in the second year of an induced state of anxiety  and cautiousness!!  We have sacrificed resilience for the sake of fearfulness.  Feeling at risk and fearful have become the recommended coping and solution strategy.  Is this really a good way forward?

 Taking on more risk is not the same as being careless or negligent.    Rather, as the challenges and risks we accept increase, we also reasonably should demand a significant improvement in our wellness.  As it is sometimes summarized: “No pain, no gain”.  Or we should “Step outside our comfort zone”, and at least re-size this comfort zone to nearer its earlier dimension and scope.

 Being more tolerant of risk has significant rewards as it empowers love, kindness, adventure and being the sociable creatures we were meant to be.  Please start to step forward in 2022 in taking an extra unit of risk and enjoy the well desired and deserved reward.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*:  "The Resilient Society" by Markus Brunnermeier, 2021