Praising others, and being praised by others, improves our well-being. I was not aware until recently that there is hard science* confirming this. Research can now give advice on how to make praise more effective and reduce its potential unhelpful side effects. Many a primary school teacher likely knows this:
It is more effective and constructive to praise a learner’s effort than the result of their effort.
But I’m not primary teacher, so I found this suggestion profound, and certainly true for myself. If someone praises my finished product, yes it does feel good, but the half-life of the compliment is short. When the effort, skill, diligence, problem solving or determination is acknowledged, not only do I feel pleased, but a more subtle pride ensues which lingers for a long time. The effort that created the successful outcome can be replicated in other circumstances and endeavors – it is the skill that is transferable, rather than the content. Effort based praise empowers transferable skills. Focusing too much on the result of the effort can undermine the willingness to try again, and too much praise can backfire if handed out too freely.
Praise works both ways, for the person being honored and the person doing the honoring to feel more joyful. Why, despite its wellness benefit, do we seem to largely reserve praise for the young and by adulthood, give it out only occasionally? We seem to have replaced praise with criticism: being judgmental instead as if those concerned should know better. Is it because it takes more to impress us? Are we reluctant to see excellence? Regardless, rationing praise and reserving it for the young isn’t helpful or useful.
If effort is the catalyst for successful outcomes, perhaps it is time to re-visit and acknowledge the successful actions of others, including our peers. It might be helpful to get into the habit of lightening up our expectations and admiring other’s efforts more.
Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org
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*: “Self-discipline Outdoes IQ in Predicting Academic Performance of Adolescents” , Duckworth, A.L. and M. Seligman, Psychological Science 16 (2005): 939-44
“Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children’s Motivation and Performance”, Mueller, C.M. and C.S. Dweck, J Personal and Social Psychology, 75, no.1 (1998); 33-52