POST-TRUTH

Truth is the quality or state of being true. Wikipedia adds ‘of being in accord with fact or reality’.

What is especially unsettling is the suggestion that we now live in a post-truth society, where truth does not matter or matters less. Now, emotions and personal beliefs can trump what was previously considered to be either true or false.  Post-truth views deliberately confuse opinions and facts.  By cherry picking facts and statistics, fantasy becomes reality, and truth and respect optional.  Worse, those that disagree with us become our opponents and we, the rightful victors of justice and whatever, are right and true.  Somehow this does not sound like a situation with a happy or positive ending.

But what does this have to do with wellness?  A lot!!  The more the post-truth notion gains hold in society, the less tolerant, compassionate, and inclusive we seem to have become.  Identity politics has become more accepted.  Identity politics considers it fair game to cast very negative views on another’s character just because they do not agree with our views or perspectives.  Rather than being inclusive and tolerant of those that differ on matters of opinion, those that disagree are often described in unkind terms and held in distain.

Two central hallmarks of a liberal democracy are the encouragement of differing points of view, and the tolerance of these differences.  By a process of debate, over time, society evolves and improves.  But central to this evolution is respect for the truth and opportunities for society to learn and change. But that takes time and patience.

Perhaps it is politics, but I have noticed recently in the media and on the streets a reduction in civility and inclusiveness.  Post-truth judgementalism seems to have undermined some of the kindness and compassion we feel for others; a slippery slope to go down.

I pray that in 2023 truth returns to take centre stage and with it brings respect and patience for those we disagree with.  May opinions be accepted as opinions and not as facts. That is certainly one of my new year’s aspirations.  I know this tolerance will significantly enhance my wellbeing and joy in 2023.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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AFFECTIVE FORECASTING

Affective forecasting is a fancy economics and psychology term. It describes how we anticipate our future mental and emotional state may be affected by our current decisions and actions.  We anticipate whether our current actions will  affect future emotions in terms of being good or bad and how strong and long that emotion will be.

Stated more simply, often we carefully consider doing something by imagining what will transpire because of that action.  The hardwiring of our brain is based on the fight or flight survival mechanism, so we generally put a cautious and negative spin on the outcome.  Better safe than sorry, better the devil we know than the devil we don’t,  we say to ourselves.  If what we are contemplating is potentially unkind or dangerous such caution is warranted.  But is our life really that risky or untoward? 

Researchers have investigated the accuracy of our affective forecasting and noted that generally our predictions are poor and inaccurate, especially when we are considering doing something kind or compassionate.  Perhaps we refrain from striking up an innocent conservation with a stranger because we fear rejection or an awkward conversation.  Experiments tested this hypothesis: individuals were asked to either start or refrain from a random conversation with a fellow passenger on a train ride. Afterwards, they were asked to summarize their experience.  Those that engaged in conversation had a much more positive recollection of their train journey.

 There is a lot of research like this suggesting that human beings are bad at affective forecasting. Not just in short-term situations like the train study, but in the longer term, too. We seem particularly bad at forecasting the benefits of relationships. A big part of this is the obvious fact that relationships can be messy and unpredictable. This messiness is some of what prompts many of us to prefer being alone. It’s not just that we are seeking solitude; it’s that we want to avoid the potential mess of connecting with others. But we overestimate that mess and underestimate the beneficial effects of human connection. This is a feature of our decision making in general: we pay a lot of attention to potential costs and downplay or dismiss potential benefits. *

So, what are some of  the findings of this research?  Firstly, we should risk random acts of kindness more often.  If you want to do something kind, then do it!  Secondly, we are not very good at predicting the outcomes of our positive actions.  Thirdly, we are more likely to be pleasantly surprised than disappointed when we risk being kind in an uncertain situation.  The motto we were fed as children to not trust strangers may be good for youngsters, but not a helpful guide as we get older.  Risk being kind (but don’t be stupid, know your limits).

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*:  The Good Life: Lessons from the World's Longest Study on Happiness by Robert Waldinger, Marc Schulz

GIVING

Wellness science is clear: gratitude is the most important attitude to improve one’s wellbeing, closely followed by generosity.  Both of these attitudes trigger rewards in the brain.  Why?  Because humans are social beings, gratitude and generosity implicitly improve social relationships. This enhanced the survival rate of the primitive clans or tribes.  Groups that were grateful and generous to their members were more successful, cohesive and prosperous.

The wonderful thing about giving is it has so many expressions. 

On the tangible level, there are three forms of giving, Time, Talent and Treasury (money).  Each of us likely has an abundance of one of these, which we could be more generous with to the common good.

Sharing goods is a convenient and low-cost form of giving.  Perhaps we have tools, music, books, clothing or space which others might appreciate using and then returning. Watching others use and enjoy our possessions does lift one’s spirits.

Acts of kindness are a spontaneous form of giving. Being kind to those we are close to is wonderful but going to the next stage of doing random acts of kindness to strangers takes the personal reward of giving to a higher and more beneficial level.  Gathering rubbish in our neighborhood, being courteous in traffic congestion, carrying goods for someone overburdened:  the possibilities are endless once one is on the lookout  for opportunities to be kind.

Paying someone an unexpected compliment is a simple act of giving. The smile and joy the other person feels is immediate and reciprocal, and being there to share that pleasure is our prize.  Interestingly, praising others, especially in the workplace, subtly improves the work culture of the organization as praise multiples.

An underutilized form of  giving is forgiving, letting go of wrongs we have experienced.  Forgiving starts us releasing the pent-up anger we harbour.  Without engaging with the perpetrator, this letting go brings immediate relief.  If we go to the next step and address the person who wronged us and let them know of our forgiveness, all the better. 

There are so many avenues for giving, so avail of as many as you can.  As Anne Frank noted: 

No one has ever become poor by giving.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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A useful link to learn more about the science behind generosity:

https://harrytprewitt.medium.com/scientific-proof-of-generosity-contributing-to-human-happiness-643178c90206

CONFIDENCE AND TAKING RISKS

Consider a small child learning to do something for the first time: they fail at activities many times over, but they keep persisting until they do it, with encouragement from their parents. As we get older, we gradually become more and more cautious, as each perceived failure eats away at our ability to take risks. If we are not careful, we can end up with a life in which we live totally and only within our comfort zones, never taking any risks at all. Sounds good to you? Well, that kind of life can feel stifling in the end, and lead to later life regrets.

 If you are confident in yourself but do not take risks related to this faith in yourself, this could easily be false confidence.  If you have faith in yourself that you can do something but do not test that ability by doing something challenging (and potentially failing), then that confidence is likely shallow or misplaced.  By taking risks and pushing your given abilities, your confidence and faith in yourself matures.  Your confidence grows as your continue to challenge yourself.

 Confidence and risk taking are two sides of the same coin; they can mutually build up or undermine each other.  If you are confident you should reasonably be more able to do more challenging tasks.  Taking risks and exploring new opportunities to grow increases your abilities and the assurance you have in these skills. Conversely, not testing yourself stalls your improvement and inhibits getting better.  Soon not taking risk becomes the norm and your skills are constrained.

 Risk taking enhances your confidence and confidence can encourage you to take more risk. Managed together you will grow and experience a more complete and purposeful sense of well-being.

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POSSIBILIST

I am an unapologetic optimist.  Some would go as far as suggesting I am either naïve, misguided or willfully blind.  I recently came across a statement that concisely captured my hopeful view of life and our times:

Optimism is the best bet for most people because the world tends to get better for most people most of the time. But pessimism holds a special place in our hearts. Pessimism isn’t just more common than optimism. It also sounds smarter. It’s intellectually captivating, and it pays more attention than optimism, which is often viewed as being oblivious to risk. Real optimists don’t believe that everything will be great. That’s complacency. Optimism is a belief that the odds of a good outcome are in your favor over time, even when there will be setbacks along the way. The simple idea that most people wake up in the morning trying to make things a little better and more productive than waking up looking to cause trouble is the foundation of optimism. It’s not complicated. It’s not guaranteed, either. It’s just the most reasonable bet for most people, most of the time. The late statistician Hans Rosling put it differently: “I am not an optimist. I am a very serious possibilist.”"*

Media organizations are opposed to optimism. It doesn’t sell ads, headlines or generate attention.  The news maxim “If it bleeds, it leads” encourages viewers to become  spectators of horror.  Life can be reduced to a gladiator sport.  Add to this pessimistic perspective the violent entertainment that glorifies and seeks to normalize dysfunctional behaviors and lifestyles, and any sense of promise is derailed.  However, if reality is based on real data, percentages or rates, then crime, war, poverty, illness, inequity, premature deaths, severe illness and other troubling measures are in serious decline.  The reason the amounts are so high is that there are so many humans alive today and the news-cycle bias always dwells on the negative.

A fundamental wellness emotion is hopefulness.  The sense that your tomorrow can be a marginal improvement over today makes getting up in the morning more purposeful.  If you consider the statistics, the likelihood or probability of positive (or neutral) outcomes far exceeds negative results.  The odds strongly favour positive outcomes. Actively and willingly become an optimist, positivist, probabilist or possibilist: it is good for your soul and your wellness. 

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*:       The Psychology of Money: Timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness  by Morgan Housel

WHAT WE OWE THE FUTURE*

Here’s a curious mind-game thought:

If homo sapiens, as a species, survive for another 1,000,000 years, then 99.5% of all humans that will ever live have not yet been born.  Should the wellness of these folks born fifty or five thousand generations after our death matter to us? Do we owe these future earthlings any care or consideration?

I imagine most people would agree that we owe our more immediate heirs a duty of care.  However, as that group gets more distant and anonymous, our sense of responsibility may diminish.  The trade-offs we will have to make in 2023 for the betterment of those born in the future are real and costly.  These sacrifices are more than polluting less and recycling more, but also question whether the moral and political choices we make today are for a better (however defined) tomorrow in tens of thousands of years later.  Does our selfish, often hedonistic or secular lifestyle put at risk the 99.5% of unborn future citizens who currently have no vote or voice, but a vesting interest in their own livelihood and wellness?

The philosopher William MacAskill*  has researched this “longtermism*” question for over ten years.  He poses some fascinating questions and opportunities for our generation.  NEVER, in the history of mankind has so much change and progress occurred in a such a short time (the last 70 years), and this rate of improvement is unsustainable. Physically, there are not enough resources, yet alone atoms,  for  1% or 2% annual growth to continue for thousands of years. Already the stress of our growth is presenting challenges, and it not just about climate change.  Inequities, totalitarian regimes, artificial intelligence,  resource scarcities, and expanding expectations all challenge the future, as current stakeholders battle for their preferred goals and ignore the prospects of even our immediate successors.

Improved wellness encourages selflessness, tolerance and compromise.  We owe the future a great deal, so it would be timely if we began to actively think of your offspring born in the very distant future.  They deserve our attention.

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*:       What We Owe the Future, A Million-Year View by William MacAskill

2022 – The Post-Covid World

Can you remember how you felt when Covid first started to really cut into your lifestyle in the spring of 2020?  I remember feeling mildly romantic and pastoral, commenting on how quiet the roads were, the joy of hearing the birds sing and the purity of the air.  But as the weeks became months and then years, the initial bliss lost its glow and the same-old, same-old ritual of not much happening became the norm.  2022 was a year of mindfully forgetting these inconveniences of Covid cautiousness and consciousness.  

And then 2022 started.  I was back in my pre-covid world.  That era meant acting kindly to others, and not being overly cautiously or suspiciously lest they were ill.  Shaking hands, hugs were back in fashion; crowds and line-ups returned; traffic was congested again!  International travel is possible (and no one asks for your Covid pass) and the throngs have not returned (yet).

As I reflect back on 2022, what summarizes my recollection is that 2022 was NORMAL, like most of the pre 2020 years.  But now normal was more wonderful, what I had taken for granted for so long was special and essential.  Living in a world with dozens of daily interactions was crowded, complicated, awkward on occasion, tested your patience.  But it sure beats those lineless years of 2020 and 21!  Give me the frustration of queuing to the disappointment of nothing or little to do.

Going forward into 2023, I am going to have to relearn the habits of patience, tolerance and peacefully waiting my turn.  Being annoyed because someone is taking rather long to get through check-out sure is better than having to wear a mask, keeping your distance, only two in a store at a time, contactless payment only and thinking ill of those without a mask.

I am excited about 2023.  Now that NORMAL is back, my challenge is to be ever more aware of the subtle freedoms of being in the moment.  And explore opportunities for new NORMAL experiences and asking the riddle:

When was the last time I did something for the first time.

Please be well and be kind in 2023.  

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Less Attachment

One of the core principles of Buddhism is the notion of non-attachment.  Buddhists believe that attachment (clinging onto things) is the root of suffering.  It is hard to disagree that strong attachment to possessions can frequently lead to or increase suffering.  Materialism is hardly the road to well-being.

Recently during the night someone stole my shiny new mountain bike, and my attachment tendencies were tested.  Yes, I fussed about the loss for a few minutes, and then I came to a decision: should I ruminate (attachment) or let go (detachment).  Letting go took the sting out of the loss and made getting on with my day very easy. By noon the sense of loss was gone.

As I reflected on my loss, I had to decide whether I was a janitor or security guard of my belongings and captured by them or someone with a fortunate short-term lease.  Borrowing, using, enjoying and letting go is so much more peaceful and less stressful.

Please don’t assume that I do not have an attachment nature and cling to nothing.  No way!  I do appreciate my creature comforts and possessions (travel watch, music, photos) but focus on the joy and gratitude I experience when using them.  Being attached to fewer things and savouring those fewer things certainly beats accumulating and worrying about your belongings. 

As I thought about the theft more, I took a mental inventory of my possessions that I truly lament were I to forfeit them.  What was left was a few material items of significant sentimental value (but limited market value), and the rest was baggage.  Wonderful memories quickly came to the forefront as my more prized possessions, and these cannot be readily forfeited.  Remembering your blessings is an attachment worth cherishing.

Take your own inventory; if the list is too long, consider whether you have become the janitor and watch person and have been captured by your attachments.  Less attachment and more active sharing and gratitude are worthwhile attachments.

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BEING and/or DOING?

We seem to spend so much time doing that we forget we are human beings, not human doings. But how does one get from doing to being? By recognizing that the only thing we have is the present moment – the past is past, and the future is still ahead of us. We need to live in the NOW.

There are two cycles we are perpetually involved in: the doing and the being aspects of life.  The DOING, DO, DONE loop of life is important but it should not overwhelm the BE, BEING sequence.   Regularly one should acknowledge that actions and busyness are FINISHED, and it is time to smell the coffee and savour and relish the moment.

Just being in the moment means appreciating what has been done, being quiet, and being at peace.  It means consciously stopping and evaluating before you go from one relentless task to another. That is what NOW is all about.  Regularly taking an inventory of your blessings, achievements and progress settles the spirit and improves your well-being.

Forever pursuing tasks and doing more is exhausting and is well served with the occasional reflective moments.  Maybe meditation is not your cup of tea but invent your own calming exercises.  Setting aside chill out breaks recharges the brain, encourages creative thinking, problem solving and well-being. 

 Four of the ten positive emotions are about experiencing and being in the moment.  They are amusement, awe, inspiration and interest.  Being in the now means engaging your various senses to non-judgementally savour and capture whatever is around you.  Challenge yourself to smile, find beauty and joy in what is going around you.   There are so many grand things going on around and within you, but maybe you just aren’t seeing them. 

 Challenge your powers of observation to record the amusing, awesome, inspiring and interesting things about your present moment. You might find this very hard to begin with, but practice makes it easier, and it will improve your mood and probably your productivity too!

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SEVENTY

I deliberately avoid getting too personal in my reflections, but today is an exception.  Why? Because today I turn the big SEVEN ZERO.  What a long, awesome and strange trip it has been.  A few days of regret and all the other moments mostly shades of joy, gratitude and being blessed.  So what have I learned?

The most important thing has been my evolving spiritual journey.  Allowing for the sense of sacredness puts my circumstances in perspective and keeps me on task. I have learned to look upward, then inward, and finally outward. This has  empowered me with a positive sense of purpose, peace and connection, and allows me to live in the present moment, without focusing too much on past mistakes or future worries. 

 The sense of some things being sacred encouraged me to not take myself too seriously, as I am extremely insignificant.  Knowing I am unimportant allows me to be carefree and have a very positive attitude.  Setbacks (of which there were many) really didn’t matter.  The key is to be optimistic in the present moment.  I learned that taking myself too seriously just sets me up to be especially judgemental, pensive, self-conscious  and other than joyful and alive.

 Discovering the power of gratitude was one of my epiphany moments.  Making gratefulness be a central plank of my daily rituals and awareness opened possibilities for joy  and positivity.  What an empowering discovery gratitude is!

About fifty years ago I learned a simple truth:  We are all extremely similar and  largely  differ on how we apply and actualize our similarity.  Being similar does not undermine being special. Exaggerating our uniqueness is often unhelpful, whereas being okay with who are makes such a different. What I want you likely want and what I don’t want you likely don’t want either.  Wow!!  Appreciating the power of this unifying theme allows me to interact with others freely and honestly.  Restraining our goodness because we think we are the only one feeling a certain way robs you and society of so much bounty.

 Someone stated:

The past is history, the future a mystery and the present moment a gift. That is why this moment is called a present.

That is absolutely bang on.  I don’t feel seventy or seven, I feel now old and  amazingly young!!

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40% of What Determines Happiness is Up to You – Possible Thinking

For me, this is one of the most amazing and empowering findings from positive psychology. Your intentional (self-determined) thoughts and perspectives are said to determine about 40% of your experience of happiness.  You have around 40% control over how an event is perceived and emotionally experienced.  You have significant choice over how you react to the weather, the view out of your window or anything else in your present moment.  How you frame or reframe the present moment is significant.  Do you just react to events unconsciously or do you deliberately set out to apply a certain mindset?

If around 40% of what determines your well-being is up to your intentional thoughts and activities, what about the rest?  50% is largely set by your genetically determined set points (your genes, which cannot be changed).  The last 10% is your unique life circumstances (rich or poor, healthy or unhealthy, beautiful or plain, live in amazing or poor housing, etc.).

So what does this 40% suggest?  You experience an event or action, but how you process and internally experience that situation is flexible.  You cannot change the weather, traffic conditions or world events but you do have a choice as to how you react to these circumstances.  Your job, relationships, health, wealth, home and education are largely fixed in the short run, but how you feel about these matters is 40% is up to you.  These circumstances can be framed negatively or that same moment can be painted as having glimmers of wonder, joy, empowerment, opportunity, excitement, optimism; you decide.

This 40% possibility does not negate that one’s present moment may have difficult, sad or unjust elements, but to ruminate and exclusively stay focused on the negative aspects can have troubling consequences.  There is much truth to the saying:

“Every cloud has a silver lining”

You just have to look for that sliver of hope, to be open to a small possibility of a positive outcome.  Call this possible thinking rather than positive thinking, finding at least one hopeful aspect of your present moment.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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For further reading, if you are interested:

Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, David Schkade, Review of General Psychology 9(2):111-131 · June 2005

FIGHT, FLIGHT or ??

We have all heard the saying it is either fight or flight when in a tense situation.  We imagine these are the only two alternatives but fortunately there is a third choice, which is to PAUSE and reflect on the situation.  Certainly, up until about 200 years ago the threats to your person were very real and ever present, so being alert was a good idea.  But today, such risky encounters are rare, so neither fight nor flight may be the right thing to do.

 I have learnt the hard way that the binary nature of fight or flight is not a good idea.  By nature, I tend to opt for fight and let anger get the better of me in a tense situation. I remember many of my angry moments with regret as the penalty can be serious and even career limiting.   Flight was not in my character and the moment overtook me. For others, they regret flight and not standing up to a challenge.

 Then the notion of PAUSE occurred to me.  When things went pear shaped, I took a step back and reflected on what was going on. I considered whether anger or flight were a good idea or whether better still, maybe things were not as I imagined them to be. 

 Indeed, more likely than not it was my imagined view of the situation that was wrong. Pausing to access the situation often made me realize my assumptions about the facts were incomplete, biased, overly emotional or just plain irrational and self-centered.  Allowing time to reflect and contemplate the consequences of my actions was so timely, but something I did not do in the past.

 In psychology, what I am describing is called cognitive behavioral therapy (or CBT*).  Pausing and deliberately reframing your reactions into a more thoughtful, objective, less emotional or personalized response certainly takes the sting out of many tense situations.  Pausing lets you find the middle route where you see opportunities for growth, reduced conflict and harmony.

 The pause button is on all videos for good reason, it allows you to freeze the moment.  Hit your pause button (count to ten) when the going starts to get weird and overly emotional, it can save a lot of grief later in life.

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 *:  There is a huge body of research and practice related to CBT, do check it out, especially if you are fight inclined.

UNDER PROMISING

Years ago I was involved in an undertaking that was very frustrating.  The person I reported to was making promises and commitments, but rarely achieved anything near what was suggested.  Over time, I lost interest in the project due to embarrassment and disappointment.  Whereas the underlying project was interesting and achievable, the misleading expectations that were created ultimately lead to the project being abandoned, despite its potential.

 As I look back at that episode I learned an important lesson: under promise and over deliver.  It is better to please than disappoint someone, as we tend to harbour disappointments for a long time.  Over delivering generates surprise and gratitude – you have done more than expected.

 We are often far more eager to talk up rather than to downplay an opportunity.  Promising early delivery, significant improvements, amazing low cost, stunning quality is all great marketing, but it isn’t necessarily a good idea.  If the actual result will likely be less than promised; the achievement is depreciated in the eyes of the friend, customer or colleague.

 The consequence of over promising is that one’s reputation for reliability and integrity can be undermined.  In the longer term, what is more important, one’s reputation or a quick sale?  You may win the battle (getting the immediate reward), but lose the war (the next opportunity or a more sustained relationship with that person or client).  Eventually, earning the trust and confidence of others is what should really matter.

 Under promising means being very realistic about what can be delivered and then adding a margin for error.  Knowingly quoting a higher cost, later delivery date or lower performance and later actually surprising the customers, friend or colleague with a better result is a winning formula.  In the short run you may lose a few deals, friends or promotions, but in the longer run you will definitely gain an advantage of trust.  

 Having a reputation for integrity and honouring your word is priceless, and it bears huge dividends in the longer run. 

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THE 83% MONA LISA SMILE

"The Mona Lisa gives us a hint about the desirable or optimum level of happiness. Scientists recently computer-analyzed the emotions expressed in this famous lady's face, and concluded that she is 83% happy, 9% disgusted, 6% fearful and 2% angry. Interestingly, we find that people who are happy, but not perfectly so, do well in many domains of life. Perhaps Leonardo da Vinci was onto something, and the widespread appeal of his famous painting may be due to the fact that his lady projects the look of success."*

If Mona Lisa was 83% happy, that does suggest that it is okay to be 17 percent of the time in a melancholy or bad mood.  Too much joyfulness and you may be willfully blind to some of the harsh realities of life.  Being anxious is a good thing if it is a buttress to your happiness.  Negative emotions can keep you in check and alert you to others and to risks around you.

 If you are fortunate enough to be in that 30% of the general population that would describe their current situation as happy, you are encouraged to allow for some negative emotions to keep you centered.  If you are verging on classifying yourself as happy, perhaps you imagine that happiness is being always in a state of wellness and joy.  Having a bad hair day now and then is good for you and a realistic expectation and reality. 

 Wellness does not mean your life is perfect and without obstacles. No, you will experience setbacks and misfortune, but the advantage of wellness is that you have RESILIENCE.  You bounce back, don’t harbor anger, let go and see what you can learn from those challenging moments and experiences. 

 If you know someone who seems to be one of those lucky 30 happy folks, do allow them the liberty of the occasional frown.  And if you are in the other 70% who imagine yourself unhappy, you may be in that optimum zone, but have unrealistic expectations of what is as good as it gets.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: "Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth" by Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener

Habits

Confucius noted that “All humans are the same, except for their habits.” 

Habits are your natural tendencies or practices.  They determine how you behave or react to a situation and they are automatic reflexes, often unconsciously made.  We are all largely the same biologically, but we differ in how we behave or react to things.

Given that habits define your uniqueness and personality, then maturing habits that enhance contentment and wellness would be constructive. I have struggled to make my intentional activities (the 40% I control, see graph below) habitual and more beneficial.  Learning to be grateful, positive and reframing problems to possible thinking took a lot of mindful effort.  However, with practice these responses and perspectives became my natural habits - my default reaction.

Habits do have a pattern in their formation.  Repeating the same behavior consistently, deliberately and with mindful determination, for on average for 66 days, make a behavior or response automatic and habitual.   The wonderful reward of building wellness and contentment habits is that you get a subtle but real reward almost immediately and sub-consciously; you feel better quite quickly.  But just like medicine, once you start to feel improved health you often stop taking the medicine.  So also with wellness habits. 

Positive psychology suggests that the most useful and easiest well-being habit to mature is gratitude.  Start a gratitude journal to note your blessings, finding three to five things to be grateful for EVERY day.  Express internally or externally gratitude at every available opportunity (and especially when you are in a difficult situation).  Search for wonder in your present moment. 

Design your wellness program and invest 66 days to see what happens.  Nothing to lose- just take baby steps, one habit at a time.

Think about looking at some of your strengths and making them more habitual and regular.

What other well-being habits might you want to cultivate?

Ø  seeking opportunities for service

Ø  delaying gratification to its most opportune moment

Ø  exercising

Ø  working with your willpower to make it stronger

Ø  wanting less

Ø  practicing resilience

Ø  looking for opportunities to express your purpose.   

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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For further reading, if you are interested:

How are habits formed: Modelling Habit Formation in the Real World,  Phillippa Lally,  Cornelia H. M. van Jaarsveld,  Henry W. W. Potts,  Jane Wardle; European Journal of Social Psychology, 16 July 2009, https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674.

PEAK – END RULE

Imagine you had a choice of either:

-         Experiencing a rather unpleasant experience for five minutes, with the worst moments about three minutes into the process,  or

-         Experiencing the same unpleasant five minute ordeal, but with another two minutes added of a slightly less unpleasant but tolerable experience (seven minutes in all).

 Or consider this choice:

-         A one week vacation at an over-the-top exclusive destination with all the amenities, indulgences, experiences you fancy, or

-         A two week vacation, for the same cost in a nearby destination, which is pretty amazing but not over the top.

 Nobel economist Daniel Kahneman* researched these types of options and noted generally that, using the above choices, the longer unpleasant experience and the shorter vacation were the preferred options.  He summarized this research and coined the term PEAK-END RULE. What we REMEMBER is the most intense or peak moment (whether pleasant or unpleasant) and the last moment.  We don’t necessarily forget the other details; we just tend to describe the encounter by the most intense and last events and overlook much of the other occurrences. If I think back on certain episodes in my life, then it was the best or worst moments and how it finished that I remember and retell.

 This is a rather powerful insight and has influenced my travel style.  I now pay much more attention to the last day of my travel and how I get back home.  I more willingly splurge on doing those things that are unique but can be pricey. I don’t try to stay away longer but now focus on staying away better.

 Managing experiences and CAUSING AND CREATING MEMORIES is an amazing opportunity for a well lived and remembered life.  What you remember can have a powerful positive effect on your well-being.

 Going forward, plan your peak and end experiences deliberately and manage carefully how you finish.  Make it a goal to finish well.  Create wonderful final recollections and reduce disagreeable endings where possible - that is a manageable undertaking, and well worth seizing.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: Fredrickson, Barbara L.; Kahneman, Daniel (1993). "Duration neglect in retrospective evaluations of affective episodes". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 65 (1): 45–55.

RESILIENCE

Recently I visited a museum which aimed to highlight the living conditions of the local working class population at various time intervals in history – it went back to 1805 and then each subsequent house advanced on another 50 years. What immediately struck me was how primitive and harsh life was back then, and more alarming still, two of the examples were from 1955 and 1985 in the UK.  Some of the examples had no flush toilets, hot running water, central heating, vacuum cleaners, colour TV or many of the other conveniences we assume are necessities today.

 I speculated that life then had as many wonderful and special moments of joy and wellness as we have today.  Then, as now, likely 30% of those living in the UK would have rated their life as very happy (see September 23 Reflection, THE EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN MONEY AND WELLNESS).  Once the hurdle of serious poverty is overcome, more money does not translate into more wellness. 

As I looked at these simpler environments of earlier generations, I admired the bravery and determination of those bygone years and wondered what the missing link today was?   Resilience and tenacity, I concluded.  Life was tough, creature comforts were limited, but people still got up in the morning with purpose and a smile.

 Unfortunately, today we seem to expect comfort and convenience or else we complain.  Rather than looking inside for purpose we turn to Amazon or the internet for a remedy.  A better prescription would be resilience.  Training one’s resilience occurs when one mindfully adjusts to and positively embraces your current circumstance, especially when it is less than ideal. 

 Being without something you want, savouring the longing and then resolving that you are better without it matures your emotional suppleness and makes you a better person.  Being determined to want less and being grateful for what you have demonstrates what your real needs are.  This focuses your tenacious energy to do what is necessary to achieve your higher goal. 

 Wonderfully, exercising one’s resilience and tenacity is, of itself, empowering, joyful and uplifting.

  Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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WHERE SHOULD I START?

So many times I have had a sense of feeling overwhelmed, not knowing what to do next or how.  And then I remember one of the more clever song lines from of all places, the Sound of Music!  Julie Andrews sang:

 “Let start at the very beginning - a very good place to start.”

 I learned this lesson on the first day of my professional career, when I was given a task for which I had no training (and a charge out rate of $16/hour, which was a lot of money in those days).  I spend the rest of that day and the start of the following day just puzzled and totally overwhelmed.  And then it dawned on me what the problem was: I did not know where to start.  So I started at what was the obvious first step. I have seen the same challenge countless times when students complete exams: they don’t know where to begin an exam question.

 Acknowledging that one does not know where to start is very helpful when it comes to problem solving.  So often we start in the middle or near the end of the solution process, only to backtrack, go sideways and finally come up with a mediocre conclusion. 

 Mindfully pausing, carefully defining the challenge, admitting to yourself you are lost and deliberately planning a way forward, can seem so unnatural.  But it works!! Eventually seeking out the origin of the problem and an organized sequential path forward might become your pattern of problem solving and decision making.

 Pausing and planning is a very efficient and effective strategy. Carefully defining the first few steps in the solution process works very well.  Then check the task regularly to see whether you seem to be on the correct path.

 Starting at the beginning is a very good place to start.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Fake it Till you Make it

I see this regularly when I teach, a students who decided that the subject, instructor and/or university is terrible.  No amount of encouragement or humour will move the learner from this determined belief.  Guess what, from their perspective the results bare out their pre-conceptions, they unhappily labour at the subject matter and end up doing less well and it was all because the subject or whatever was terrible.

Fortunately, I also see others who acknowledge that the subject matter or instructor leaves much to be desired but soldiers on but with a different perspective.  They have decided to reframe the situation and initially pretend that the subject matter or task is intriguing and engaging.  Slowly the course or experience becomes enjoyable and the results are acceptable and worthwhile.

When I am in many encounters I have at least two choices.  First, do I perceive it positively or negatively?  Secondly, how much effort will I have to exert to convince myself that indeed it is a joyful undertaking?  How much faking will it take to convince (fool) myself that this moment and experience is at least okay and perhaps wonderful?

If one waits for evidence to convince oneself that the present moment is grand, it is very likely that most of those moments and NOW will be spent waiting, being less engaged and disappointed.  Consider carefully, if there is no realistic alternative to your present moment.  If there is no Plan B but only the current Plan A, than fake it till you make Plan A awesome or at least bearable.  If there is a Plan B, either take it and actively start faking it that this is ideal or totally drop Plan B and make Plan A your joy present moment.

Research shows that mind over matter, convincing yourself that what is your present moment is ideal is very helpful and does work. Fake it till you make it may initially seek to “fool” you but you may be a fool not to actively try it.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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I DON’T KNOW

Early in my career, when I was asked a question that challenged my knowledge or understanding I would venture an answer based on my best, educated guess.  Partly out of pride and false confidence, an answer would emerge. 

 Then one day I changed my reply to: “That was a good question. I don’t know. Can I get back to you on that?” if I was less than certain of the answer.

 Publicly acknowledging that I did not know was wonderful; a true breath of relief to admit my limitations.  Letting go of thinking or acting as if you know more than you really do is such a joy.  It encouraged my learning and zeal in my area of expertise as I now had topics to explore more carefully and curiously.  That small uncertainty was so exciting, I could probe some obscure issue with a new perspective.

 I have learned to understand the empowerment of admitting I don’t know and sharing my limitations that with others.  This honesty increases the confidence in what I do know and understand, but adds a note of humility and sincerity to my advice and instruction.  It is okay to have gaps in your knowledge.

 I noticed that others were fine with me not knowing the precise answer, particularly when I did get back to them later.  This ignorance seemed to increase their trust in what I otherwise suggested.  Being overconfident in your expertise is unnecessary and possibly even unprofessional.

 Being humble and honest about what you don’t know opens you to being in awe of your body of knowledge.  Exploring these omissions is good for your critical thinking abilities.  Humbly admitting you don’t know something is excellent medicine for your well-being.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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