MEDITATION

A prominent psychiatrist (Jonathan Haidt) noted that there are essentially three ways to change one’s mind and mental health: counselling (using proven techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), medication (using drugs like Prozac), or meditation.**  If one reviews the literature about positive psychology, there is a broad consensus that meditation is an excellent way to improve one’s mental health, and indeed, many religions encourage meditative practices.

I remember when I first tried Transcendental Meditation (TM) in 1972 it was almost a cult ritual, full of mystery, rules, protocols and DON’Ts (and cost $25).  I stopped soon enough, as it was so demanding, inflexible and prescriptive.  Last year I gave meditation a second go (for free), and it was so much easier to get started – there is so much literature around about mindfulness, including many exemplar meditations online, that it was easier to find practices that spoke to me. The MBSR course (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) has some excellent materials available, and these courses are widely run across many parts of the world, being non-religious in their approach.  This time I stuck with meditation.  If I lost concentration I was gentle encouraged to re-focus and continue, which I have.  After 66 habit-forming days, the pattern of chilling out continues.

So what are some of my observations about the benefits of meditation? The first is that it encourages me to pause and re-frame my thoughts when times are anxious or tense.  Rather than fight or flight, I PAUSE and eventually do neither.  Being calmer is easier.  It gives my mind a chance to relax, which improves problem solving, planning, and creativity. I have a chance to observe my thought patterns, which are often pretty fixed and recurring, in a non-judgemental way, rather than always being at the mercy of my reactions. Despite taking time out of my day, at the end of the day I am more relaxed. I something feel a little self-conscious when asking for some time to chill out, but other than that, the benefits far outweigh the constraints on my time.

Learning to meditate is easy and convenient, requiring as little as 10 minutes a day.  A useful link to learn the breathing meditation technique is (sorry about the short ad you can skip at the start):

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMMerxh_12U  

Be kind to yourself as you will lose concentration frequently, but with some practice you will come up with your own preferred meditation practices and hopefully, see some real benefits.

**:  The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, page 43

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THE EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN MONEY AND WELLNESS

Does money buy wellness?  We assume the answer is yes, but is it?  Regularly we read of wealthy people destroying their lives despite their riches.  We fantasize that were we a little richer, life would be awesome forever.  We work tirelessly for a financial reward, assuming that just around the corner lies wellness and bliss. 

Two of the more respected researchers ** on wellness investigated the money – wellness dilemma and below are their conclusions.

“Research does suggest there is a relationship between money and wellness.  At very low levels of earnings, money does improve overall wellness and life satisfaction.  However, we can say that the research on this topic tells us that it is generally good for your happiness to have money, but toxic to your happiness to want money too much.  A high income can help happiness, but is no sure path to it.  Therefore, readers must determine the motives underlying their desire for money, and not sacrifice too much in the pursuit of wealth.  It is important not only to spend money wisely, but to earn it wisely as well."

“That is, although money and happiness are linked, the effect of money on happiness is often not large.  Income appears to buy happiness, but the exchange rate isn’t great.  Extra dollars often amount to modest gains in happiness.”

A phenomena called the ‘Easterlin paradox’ notes that over the past fifty years or more, per capital income adjusted for inflation has more than doubled, but measures of personal happiness in the West have remained constant at 30%, meaning that about 30% of the population would describe themselves as happy.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like excellent news to me. This empowers me to seek other means to improve my well-being besides money, and focus my time and attention on more effective wellness improvement strategies.

**: Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener

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HESITATION AND THE FIVE SECOND RULE

Who doesn’t hesitate at least occasionally, if not often?  While in a warm shower, who wants to get out?  A few more minutes in bed?

“I should phone so and so.” “I should start the painting”.  We have all been there a hundred times. Joseph Addison wrote the often quoted line, “He who hesitates is lost,” yet we persist in our inability to move on or engage.

Hesitation is a combination of reluctance, fear and pleasure (short term,) prevailing over wellness (long term).  Hesitation is costly not only in lost time, but more importantly opportunities foregone.

One day I accidentally came across the simplest, most effective and cheapest solution to the hesitation dilemma.  Mel Robbins coined The 5 Second Rule* and my, does it work.  When you are in one of those hesitation situations you simply say,

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO”

and you enact whatever you are delaying, fearful of, or debating.  Get out of the shower, bed, say hello, leave or whatever.  Mel got the idea from watching a rocket launch where they say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, LIFTOFF and so she launched her own career as a motivational speaker on overcoming hesitation. Why 5 to 1, not 1 to 5?  That is part of the success formula, as counting up has no limit but counting down does hit a limit, and you have no alternative but to go.

I have shared this effective remedy with others and it really works.  Soon you appreciate that over thinking, stopping, and second guessing yourself are just defense strategies to avoid your current situation.  And then you learn that whatever you are reluctant to do was actually not that bad – you just have to get started sometimes – and that is the hardest bit.

I heartily recommend the video link below for more inspiration:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSn-L9IXbOY

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO  and click the link above (I dare you).

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THE POWER OF YOUR WILL

Have you noticed that some people have the determination of an ox (as the saying goes), and others give in to the smallest of temptations?   What distinguishes the one from the other is willpower.   Willpower is the power of your will and closely related to patience and deferred or delayed gratification.  Why are some so perseverant and others give in so easily? It doesn’t seem fair.

The psychologist and economist George Ainslie (specializing in drug addiction) visited the issue of willpower and wrote a fascinating book called “Breakdown of Will”.  He made the brilliant observation that willpower and self-control is the art of making the future appear much bigger and therefore more promising than the present or very near moment.  We all know about temptation and the dilemmas it creates in terms of indulging now or waiting; the trades-off between pleasure (short term) and wellness (longer term).

Ainslie used an example to highlight the willpower struggle.  In the distance you see a very tall building (long term goal or reward, well-being) but as you approach the high-rise it is dwarfed by a two story dwelling (short term reward or pleasure) such that the larger structure is obscured.  The willpower, temptation or addiction challenge is to focus on the taller building, even though for the moment it is not visible, and the immediate pay-off is right in front of you.  By being mindful of the larger but delayed reward one can confront temptation with resolve and the power of will.

Many of you may be familiar with the Stanford “marshmallow experiments” by Walter Mischel. In these studies, a child was offered a choice between one small reward immediately or two small rewards if they waited for a short period (approximately 15 minutes). In follow-up studies, the researchers found that children who were able to wait longer for the preferred rewards tended to have better life outcomes, as measured by SAT scores, educational attainment, body mass index (BMI), and other life measures.  Young children with better will power, self-control, patience and deferred gratification skills were handsomely rewarded later in life.

The rewards of stronger willpower are immense; master the power of your will and pass the skill along to the next generation.

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BEING IN THE FLOW

We have all been in the flow** and relish these moments.  This is where one is engaged in an activity which is both high in challenge, but matched with a high level of personal skill.  Awareness of time disappears, one is totally absorbed in the task at hand and in a state of peace, joy and total presence in the moment.  In sports, the experience of flow is described as being “in the zone”.   The importance of having a high degree of personal control over your circumstance makes the flow that much more authentic.  By contrast, the opposite of flow is apathy or boredom, where one is using few of one’s skills, and the level of task challenge is low, with generally limited autonomy.

There are challenges to being in the flow, and they can be overcome.  A good place to start is to appreciate the importance of deliberately combining high levels of challenge and skill together.  The synergy of skill and challenge can motivate you to design part of your career or leisure time to allow for more flow situations. 

Creatively and carefully look at your job or leisure time and consider where there are opportunities to develop new skills or challenging opportunities.  Look at some of your more frequent but boring or less satisfying obligations and see if they can be re-engineered to being more skillful or challenging.  I disliked the exams marking aspect of university lecturing.  Subsequently I re-engineered the exam papers, questions, answer booklets, grade allocation/calibration, marking pens, marking space and work space arrangement such that grading was more skillful and properly challenging (though never a joy).  Also see where there are opportunities for increased autonomy and design activities for skill improvement and challenge.

The awesome thing about flow is that by deliberately embedding it into your daily rituals, your occupational and intellectual well-being improves (two of the seven aspect of wellness).  

**: Mihály Csíkszentmihályi coined and researched flow extensively.  The TedTalk video noted below provides more details on flow:

www.ted.com/talks/mihaly_csikszentmihalyi_on_flow?language=af

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JEALOUSY

In the early ‘90s I travelled about China and learned a curious term the Chinese had for jealousy.  I was told the Chinese sometimes called it “red-eye disease**”. China was in the early stages of its amazing economic transformation, but there were signs already of what economic prosperity could do the social fabric of a country.  Just below the surface lurked envy and jealousy of the more fortunate.  Back then in China having an electric fan, a fridge or a foreign made TV were top of the list of objects most envied and displayed in one’s home.

In the West, a similar phenomenon is rampant and thriving, only here we call envy the “green eyed monster”. Consumerism, materialism, designer brands and the celebrity culture all promote cravings for what one does not have, and a jealousy of those who HAVE IT, whatever it is.  Advertising and social media aim to make us mindful of what is missing in our lives, telling us if we only had “X” then we would be happy.

Mark Twain noted that “comparison is the death of joy,” as the act of comparing generally focuses our minds on what we do not have, rather than what we possess already.  Very likely anyone reading this reflection is in the top 5% or better of the world population in terms of income, possessions, education, health and wealth, and yet we still can desire more, without considering our very good fortune.

The most effective key to well-being is an attitude of gratitude, the very opposite of jealousy.  Rather than having a half full or empty glass, a smaller glass is the best antidote to red-eye disease, and it is free and immune to marketing.

**: 眼红 is a Chinese slang that is used to describe someone who is jealous of another person who is better off than oneself.

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COMPASSION?!?

The idea of compassion has long intrigued me.  When I think of some of the Nobel Peace Prize winners (for example Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Malala Yousafzai), I recognize compassion in action but I still do not know how I can be better at being compassionate. 

Looking up compassion in the dictionary (sympathetic consciousness of others' distress, together with a desire to alleviate it [Webster] or sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others [Oxford]) was helpful, but still did not connect with me, as it sounded so abstract. 

Finally, I read the wonderful and inspiring book “The Book of Joy” by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu and the simplest and most concise summary of compassion was provided, being:

Can I help?      or     How can I help?

Now, looking back at the Nobel Peace Prize winners I was able to identify the common theme to their character, a selfless willingness to help others, especially when the odds were stacked against them.

Regularly pondering how you can help others in your community or the world at large is an excellent step forward in practicing compassion. Science has found that compassion is contagious; when one is compassionate, others note the kindness and are also inclined to be equally caring - a ripple effect often expands outwards and multiples.

Compassion is the compliment to gratitude: combining an attitude of gratitude with “How can I help?” will make the world a better place.

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Fake it Till you Make it

I see this regularly when I teach, a students who decided that the subject, instructor and/or university is terrible.  No amount of encouragement or humour will move the learner from this determined belief.  Guess what, from their perspective the results bare out their pre-conceptions, they unhappily labour at the subject matter and end up doing less well and it was all because the subject or whatever was terrible.

Fortunately, I also see others who acknowledge that the subject matter or instructor leaves much to be desired but soldiers on but with a different perspective.  They have decided to reframe the situation and initially pretend that the subject matter or task is intriguing and engaging.  Slowly the course or experience becomes enjoyable and the results are acceptable and worthwhile.

When I am in many encounters I have at least two choices.  First, do I perceive it positively or negatively?  Secondly, how much effort will I have to exert to convince myself that indeed it is a joyful undertaking?  How much faking will it take to convince (fool) myself that this moment and experience is at least okay and perhaps wonderful?

If one waits for evidence to convince oneself that the present moment is grand, it is very likely that most of those moments and NOW will be spent waiting, being less engaged and disappointed.  Consider carefully, if there is no realistic alternative to your present moment.  If there is no Plan B but only the current Plan A, than fake it till you make Plan A awesome or at least bearable.  If there is a Plan B, either take it and actively start faking it that this is ideal or totally drop Plan B and make Plan A your joy present moment.

Research shows that mind over matter, convincing yourself that what is your present moment is ideal is very helpful and does work. Fake it till you make it may initially seek to “fool” you but you may be a fool not to actively try it.

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MUST, SHOULD OR LETTING GO

“People SHOULD be polite and queue up properly!”, “People MUST NOT throw their litter carelessly about!”, “That person SHOULD NOT speak so loudly!”  You are totally right, but where is all this should, must and righteous disappointment getting you? Certainly to a less than joyful journey of life and perhaps an earlier grave.  Stressing about the lack of correct and more thoughtful behavior of others is such an easy TRAP to get into.  You are right, they are wrong but at the end of the day that other person likely is not going to change and more likely is not aware of your fussing and complaining.

An important ingredient of well-being is tolerance; letting go of the shortfalls of others (and yourself).  Letting go means letting go of MUST and SHOULD and replacing them with MIGHT, PERHAPS and better still, WHY DO I CARE or IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. 

Clearly there are legal and moral imperatives where MUST or SHOULD totally prevails, but don’t become judge and jury unless these clear lines of acceptable conduct are crossed. Protest accordingly and assist in the enforcement of prescribed laws.  But let go of policing the small stuff, just ensure that you are acting in accordance with your values.

Tolerance and letting go are empowering and uplifting.  Not sweating the small stuff takes a lot off your emotional and stress workload.  Next time you see someone cutting in line, littering, being too loud or whatever is your issue, consider whether your fretting is getting you anywhere or likely to change the situation.

Letting go, meaning letting go. Re-focus your intolerance with an awareness of all the good that is going on around you which you were too busy ignoring.  99% of what is going around you is actually going perfectly well and in an orderly fashion.  Don’t let go of that awesomeness.

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ASK YOUR FRIENDS WHO YOU ARE

Often we are the last one to really know what is going on in our life. We may be sad, lost, less fit or a chore to be around but we don’t really know or believe it.  But our friends and associates certainly do.

One especially useful time to involve others in your journey is when you are making career, retirement or finding our purpose dilemmas.  We think we know what we like or want but by design we are biased and subjective.  Your friend may be biased in that they like you but more importantly they see you as you are and behave. What they see is your strengths and weakness as they have had to adjust and accept them.  Friends see what you are better or worse at because they can see how others reacted to your actions.

Bob Buford* described the process of discovering who you are by asking friends as seismic testing; where you allow others to drill into your personality and tell you what they observe and have discovered.  These other set of eyes and hearts can be especially telling.  Remembering these are friends and they are looking out for your well-being, they are certain to focus more on your abilities and steer you away from folly.  Their precise insights may confirm or refute your plans, but at the very less their comments should be considered carefully.

Wonderfully, personal seismic testing let you know how others observe the consequences of your actions. 

Asking questions such as “What do you (your friend):

“think I am especially effective (ineffective) at?”

“observe from the reactions of others that I do well (poorly)?”

“consider to be some of my more useful (weak) technical skills?”

“think I would be especially good at doing?”

“recommend would be the wisest new skill I develop to master my strengths (or tame my weaknesses)?”

“wish I would just stop doing as it is especially annoying to others?”

Asking close friends how you actually come across is useful advice when you are looking for direction and purpose.  They likely know a lot more about you than you imagine.  And do listen carefully to what they say and observe, it may be positively inspiring.

*Half Time, Moving from Success to Signifance by Bob Buford

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We are NOT our Thoughts

Here’s a frightening thought and fact - the average human has between 12,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day! Or between 500 and 3,000 per hour.  85% of our thought are negative, and 95% are repetitive (as in we had the same thought yesterday and again and again).

I used to think that me and my thoughts were the same and I was my thoughts.  Well, pick any number between 12 and 70 thousand thoughts per day, does that assumption sound reasonable?  Not really.  Our thoughts are just that, a less controllable response that is a reaction, observation, conjecture or feeling that comes out of the blue and goes nowhere.  Picking up on this fact there are two important insights.

First, whereas we cannot effectively or directly control our immediate thoughts, we are not helpless or hopeless.  I am my own THOUGHT POLICE!  When you watch a violent or disturbing movie, read about untoward events, willingly associate with troublesome individuals and guess what – these inputs become part of our thoughts and thought patterns.  Similarly if you mindfully seek out constructive and joyful circumstances then the frequency of unwelcome thoughts decreases and positive thoughts become more pronounced.

Second, whereas we are not our thoughts, we are our actions.  What you do is a reflection of who you are.  Watch your thoughts and note how some become actionable and others not.  What is that trigger between thought and action.  Observe it carefully.  Too often the trigger is the trade-off and tension between immediate pleasure and longer term and more permanent wellness.  Consider what urges you internally debate as you put the thought into a deed. Or what stops you from acting out a consider thought. Are you OK with these action monitors?

Taming so many thoughts is daunting assignment.  However, one can over time turn the tide positively by watching and managing your thought input diet.  Please actively monitor the medias (social, visual, print, audio) and ask whether this is a helpful or too many of the wrong thought calories. Healthier thoughts need healthier inputs and stimuli.

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Seven Dimensions of Wellness – Part Two

Continuing from Tuesday’s reflection, below are the last three wellness dimensions, as described by the Wellness Program at the University of California, Riverside.

 -         Occupational Wellness is the ability to get personal fulfillment from our jobs or our chosen career fields, while still maintaining balance in our lives. Our desire to contribute in our careers, and to make a positive impact on the organizations we work in and to society as a whole, leads to Occupational Wellness.

 -         Intellectual Wellness is the ability to open our minds to new ideas and experiences that can be applied to personal decisions, group interaction and community betterment. The desire to learn new concepts, improve skills and seek challenges in pursuit of lifelong learning contributes to our Intellectual Wellness.

 -         Physical Wellness is the ability to maintain a healthy quality of life that allows us to get through our daily activities without undue fatigue or physical stress. The ability to recognize that our behaviours have a significant impact on our wellness and the adoption of healthy habits (routine checkups, a balanced diet, exercise, etc.) while avoiding destructive habits (tobacco, drugs, alcohol, etc.) will lead to optimal Physical Wellness.

 In summary, this model noted that wellness has seven aspects: social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, intellectual and physical wellness.  Is there a dimension that is weak or lacking in your wellness journey? Speculate what you might do to strengthen this area.  Similarly, appreciating the full scope of wellness may help you identify what is going well in your life and be grateful for this bounty.  Awareness of our blessings is essential to improved well-being. 

Source: University of California, Riverside, Wellness Program https://wellness.ucr.edu/seven_dimensions.html

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Seven Dimensions of Wellness – Part One

Several researchers have investigated different spheres of wellness. Tuesday’s and Thursday’s reflections will review seven dimension of wellness, described by the Wellness Program at the University of California, Riverside.

 What is interesting about the seven dimensions is that we often associate too much importance to emotional wellness, and overlook other opportunities to improve overall well-being.

 Wellness is much more than merely physical health, exercise or nutrition. It is the full integration of states of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. The model used by the California campus includes social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, intellectual and physical wellness. Each of these seven dimensions act and interact in a way that contributes to our own quality of life.

 -         Social Wellness is the ability to relate to and connect with other people in our world. Our ability to establish and maintain positive relationships with family, friends and co-workers contributes to our Social Wellness.

 -         Emotional Wellness is the ability to understand ourselves and cope with the challenges life can bring. The ability to acknowledge and share feelings of anger, fear, sadness, stress; or hope, love, joy and happiness in a productive manner contributes to our Emotional Wellness.

 -         Spiritual Wellness is the ability to establish peace and harmony in our lives. The ability to develop congruence between values and actions and to realize a common purpose that binds creation together contributes to our Spiritual Wellness.

 -         Environmental Wellness is the ability to recognize our own responsibility for the quality of the air, the water and the land that surrounds us. The ability to make a positive impact on the quality of our environment, be it in our homes, our communities or our planet contributes to our Environmental Wellness. 

Source: University of California, Riverside, Wellness Program https://wellness.ucr.edu/seven_dimensions.html

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GENEROSITY – THE TALE OF THE PIG AND THE CHICKEN

 Years ago, at a fund-raising dinner, I had the good fortune to meet a very joyful, successful and wealthy entrepreneur. What struck me and others about this person was how kind, unassuming and at peace he was.  He gave a very short speech, after which he made an impressive donation to the organization we were there to all support. I will never forget what he shared with the audience. 

The speaker told a story about a community of animals on a farm.  The most popular and befriended animal by far was Ms. Chicken.  She was never alone, highly regarded and a leader in the farm yard.  Then, there was Mr. Pig.  He had few friends, was often ignored and felt rather lonely.  One day Mr. Pig met Ms. Chicken and he ask the obvious question, which was, “What is the secret to your charm and popularity?” 

Without pausing, Ms. Chicken stated, “The reason I am held in high regard is that I give every day to the community, and you give only once.  Simple as that.”

Don’t delay in your generosity until you are older, or writing your last will and testament.  Enjoy and savour the bounty of charity by making it a frequent and habitual part of your life journey.  And again, remember the three T’s of time, talent and treasure.  You must have a surplus of one of these that you can share with others. Regular giving of small amounts of time or treasure often has much more impact on those around us than grander, one off gestures.

Please give than live, rather than the reverse of living than giving.

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GENEROSITY – THE THREE “T’s”

Many respected leaders in the area of well-being (the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Sonja Lyubomirsky), have noted that generosity is one of the more redeeming and effective ways to improve one’s sense of wholeness and joy.  Generosity is prescribed by almost every religious tradition.  It is one of the five pillars of Islam, called zakat.  In Judaism, it is called tzedakah, which literally means “justice”. In Hinduism and Buddhism, it is called dana.  And in Christianity, it is called charity.

Generosity is one of the best vitamins for happiness, but our understanding of it may be challenged and short-sighted, because we often associate charity with money and gifts.  Fortunately, money is but one expression of generosity.  Let’s meet the three “T’s”: Time, Talent and Treasure.

For much of our life being financially charitable is challenging and awkward, as money (treasure) may be in short supply.  We want to be generous, but say to ourselves that we will get around to it when we are older.  However, we also have skills (talents) which can benefit those in need.  Or, giving up some of one’s time to a cause that speaks to you is also an act of charity. Sharing one’s expertise or leisure feels every bit as good for the soul as money.  At the end of the day, time is our most intimate expression of ourselves; sharing it altruistically with those in need is the dearest thing we can give.

Wonderfully, when time or talent are our method of expressing kindness to others, we get the added benefit of being part of a relationship with others.  This connectivity and interdependence with a community adds depth to our well-being.

Volunteering one’s time or talents does not have an age restriction, the earlier you starting giving of it the more you grow.

 Further reading: The Book of Joy   by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, Hutchinson 2016.

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NOW OLD

I have aged a bit since I was a youngster, one day at a time!  I can remember at the age of about ten wondering how I could possibly know as much as a twelve year old. How could my small brain hold any more information?  The same fear gripped me as I was finishing high school.  Fortunately it all worked out, and space was found for the new knowledge as it came.

As I got older, the notion of ageing forever amazed, puzzled and frightened me.  At twenty five, I imagined how ancient I would feel at forty.  At forty, I was sometimes the youngest person in the room and rather intimidated by my elders.  Along the way, I also speculated about whether this age must be my peak, and whether soon after everything would go downhill……. 

Can I share with you my personal truth? Those emotions and desires of so many years ago are dim compared to today; aging teaches you how to manage, maximize and savour situations.  I encourage you to replay a circumstance you are currently having, and re-live how you would have coped with a similar situation twenty years ago.

So when I think of how old I am, I have decided that I am NOW OLD.  Finally after so many birthdays and years, I finally appreciate that there is only one age or moment that matters, and that is the present moment.  Being NOW OLD means that dwelling on your age and aging is irrelevant, unhelpful and distracting.  The awesome thing about being alive is that there is only one state of nature, the present moment, and every other time only exists as a memory or an expectation.  Start acting your age, which is NOW OLD.  Everyone else can also only live in their present moment, whatever page of their life journey they are currently in.

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The Pleasure or Wellness Decision Rule

So often in life we have difficult decisions or trade-offs to make. We agonize over whether or not to accept a job offer, buy that new car we have been thinking about, accept that invitation to a party, or even eat that tasty pastry. Yes or No? We can go back and forth.

One useful decision rule might be whether the YES response would bring you or I pleasure or well-being. On the one hand, pleasure is immediate, momentary, and gives one joy right now. Conversely, well-being is sustained and gives you less immediate joy, but more wellness in the future.  Saying NO may mean denying immediate pleasure in favour of longer term well-being. 

When you choose pleasure rather than wellness, you should be mindful of the consequences of that immediate hit of ecstasy.  You need to weigh that against the more important goal of a life of wellness.  Often a dose of pleasure is what you need to relax or enjoy the present moment.  Forever pursuing wellness can get trying, so manage the pleasure versus wellness trade-off carefully and mindfully. 

For those choices which are of limited consequence, sure, it’s fine to lean towards pleasure, but as soon the consequences can become serious, wellness MUST prevail. 

Making better trade-offs and living within constraints is a major part of improved well-being. Mindfully saying YES to wellness and NO to pleasure is a useful re-framing exercise and will take the stress out of many of the choices you have to make. Deferring gratification is similar to delaying pleasure and reaping well-being; a nobler place to be in the longer run.

For further reading:  The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, Page 35 

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Student or Learner?

I have taught in a university environment for over thirty years, so I have seen a lot of students and learners. What I have concluded over all these years is that students study and learners learn. 

 In my experience, those who study memorize, re-perform, cram and try to second guess the exam. They often fail to engage with the more intriguing and less easily accessed aspects of the topic.

 Learners learn by pondering questions, engaging, visiting the theory and the rich “WHYNESS” of the materials. It goes without saying that they get a lot more out of the course.

 It is very easy to differentiate between learners and students.  Learners come to class and life prepared, having invested some time in advance to plan, and they try to understand the nature of the problem or topic under consideration.  Conversely, students in school and life often avoid preparation, fuss about unimportant tangential details, are adverse to ambiguity and intimidated by reflection. They are convinced there is a magic bullet, a short cut or trick to success, and they avoid engagement with the complexities of an issue.

 As in the classroom, so in life. For the student of life, as the problem gets more complicated and rife with unpleasant trade-offs, they often seek simple black and white solutions.  The learners of life appreciate that interesting challenges are not black and white, there are better but not right solutions, and an understanding of the underlying issues behind a problem may yield some interesting insights that will help to ultimately resolve it.

 Life and learning is not fair or kind: learners tend to have higher employment satisfaction and remuneration. Their preparedness and more thoughtful approach pays off. Learning also connects us with our more positive emotions, ultimately improving our well-being as we lose ourselves in the sheer joy of exploring something new.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Celebrate What is Right with Your Present Moment

How do you view a half full cup ? Happy full, half empty or needing a smaller cup?

What matters is the point of view you bring to your present situation.  When you read the newspaper, visit a news website, or watch/listen to a news cast, you will notice that these tend to focus on what is wrong with our world.  Only the sports pages exalt our achievements, but then with a biased perspective. Sadly, the world seems addicted to this negative narrative and perspective, rejecting a more positive perspective as naïve or Pollyanna-like in nature.

Celebrate what is right with your situation; seek out the excellence, bounty and blessing within your present moment.  Change your point of view, change your lens of life, and seek out with the positive - RIGHT NOW!  One of the most wonderful aspects of looking for the positive is that there are many perspectives and ways to view each situation in a better light. Once you identify these, risk being in awe of them.  Don’t analyze these blessings with a critical eye and destroy the mystery, but rather enjoy them without the cynicism that seems to have invaded our cultural perspective.

While you are in the spirit of celebrating what is right with your present moment, reflect on those who you are close to, and acknowledge their good points and how they improve your present situation.  Be prepared to marvel and appreciate the good around you. 

For every wrong, failure or weakness you observe, deliberately look for an equal number of kindnesses and strengths to CELEBRATE.  This conscious reframing of your present moment will reward you with wellness.

 For further reflection:  Please do listen to the TEDx Talk by Dewitt Jones called “Celebrate what’s right with the world!” Well worth the 18 minutes of your time.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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You Experience Tens of Millions of People Every Day!

Look at whatever you are holding or using this very moment.  Perhaps it is a pen, a phone, a cup of coffee or an article of clothing.  How many people were directly involved in making that item, going right back to its basic raw material, assembly, transportation, trading and selling of these components and finished goods?  Then add those people indirectly involved in this item, those that had invented and assembled the tools required for its production.  And then add those involved in the various other supply chains required for that item to be in your hand this very moment.  Certainly tens or hundreds of thousands were involved in just this item, not to mention the many others things you interact with today. Added together just for today, I am sure well over 10 million people made your day happen. 

SO WHAT??!! Anyone who imagines themselves to be self-reliant and independent overstates their self-importance or significance.  We interact with all these people and need each other for our very existence.  Their effort, touch and presence allowed for your day. 

If you are interconnected with that many people every day, should you be selfish and uninterested in their wellbeing?  Or appreciate their input into your wellness?  You are so inter-connected with and in need of others that their well-being should be part of your mindfulness and concern. 

Being kind, thoughtful and respectful of others will make your life more human and meaningful.  Similarly, today tens of millions of people indirectly experienced you.  Wouldn’t it be nice if they acted kindly, thoughtfully and respectfully towards you?  Making others day and life better WILL equally improve your situation and condition.  

Truly, what goes around, comes round.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

Please freely share and widely, there are no copyright concerns.