Often we are the last one to really know what is going on in our life. We may be sad, lost, less fit or a chore to be around but we don’t really know or believe it. But our friends and associates certainly do.
One especially useful time to involve others in your journey is when you are making career, retirement or finding our purpose dilemmas. We think we know what we like or want but by design we are biased and subjective. Your friend may be biased in that they like you but more importantly they see you as you are and behave. What they see is your strengths and weakness as they have had to adjust and accept them. Friends see what you are better or worse at because they can see how others reacted to your actions.
Bob Buford* described the process of discovering who you are by asking friends as seismic testing; where you allow others to drill into your personality and tell you what they observe and have discovered. These other set of eyes and hearts can be especially telling. Remembering these are friends and they are looking out for your well-being, they are certain to focus more on your abilities and steer you away from folly. Their precise insights may confirm or refute your plans, but at the very less their comments should be considered carefully.
Wonderfully, personal seismic testing let you know how others observe the consequences of your actions.
Asking questions such as “What do you (your friend):
“think I am especially effective (ineffective) at?”
“observe from the reactions of others that I do well (poorly)?”
“consider to be some of my more useful (weak) technical skills?”
“think I would be especially good at doing?”
“recommend would be the wisest new skill I develop to master my strengths (or tame my weaknesses)?”
“wish I would just stop doing as it is especially annoying to others?”
Asking close friends how you actually come across is useful advice when you are looking for direction and purpose. They likely know a lot more about you than you imagine. And do listen carefully to what they say and observe, it may be positively inspiring.
*Half Time, Moving from Success to Signifance by Bob Buford
Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org
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