MOVING FROM SUCCESS TO SIGNIFICANCE

Alan Watts made a very pertinent observation, being

“No valid plans for the future can be made by those who have no capacity for living now.”

Well said. Many people during their working life imagine that at retirement everything will suddenly become uplifting and awesome.  As a result, they often under-utilize or under-appreciate their pre-retirement life.  Others put their life on hold (especially while raising their children), believing or hoping that something amazing is going to occur at retirement, and then pleasure and purpose will be released.

Bob Buford wrote an insightful book on how to approach retirement called Halftime, Moving from Success to Significance. Bob’s underlying premise is that a satisfying retirement is about finding a purpose that speaks to you and dedicating yourself to that objective, preferable before retirement. He noted that much of the first half of your life and career is about seeking success and achievement.  However, those milestones and successes lose their glory and motivating rewards.   Without a sense of significance, success can become hollow.   Peter Drucker noted that: “Efficiency is doing things right. Effectiveness is doing the right things.” 

Taking Alan’s, Bob’s, and Peter’s observations collectively, there is one common theme.  The sooner one finds a purpose, something that really speaks to you in the present moment, the sooner a more purposeful life, living, and wellness can begin.  Three of the five parts of the PERMA wellness framework relate to this idea.  Engagement, meaning and achievement all contribute to improved wellness and can be synergized by an increased sense of life being lived for a purpose. Please note, this purpose likely is not career or employment related, but may utilize some of your work skills, but in unique and curious ways.

Live in the now with a sense of purpose. This will launch your mission to be purposeful well before you retire, making your pre and post retirement life better.  And better still, if that purpose agenda really comes to life, being employed, and retired can occur at the same time. 

Please be kind, patient and thoughtful to your partner and others.

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DO YOU LISTEN TO YOUR DREAMS OR YOUR FEARS?

A lot of things shape your present and future realities.  But what drives your agenda and planning?  Is your future shaped by the expectation of doing well, seizing opportunities, and being the best person you can reasonably be?  Or do the worries, challenges, disappointments and obstacles define your present and, indirectly, your future outcomes?  Is your future a proactive action or a reactive reaction to your past? 

Fortunately, you have a great deal of control over how your future unfolds.  When you speculate about what life will be like in a few years, do your fears or your dreams define that outcome?  Is it “CAN” or “CANNOT”, “ACT” or “REACT,” that sets the limit on these expectations?  Clearly there are limitations on what you can reasonably achieve, but do these boundaries define your future, or just direct you as to where you might look otherwise for a brighter and better tomorrow? 

A lot of questions come up when considering your future, but that is precisely what the future is all about.  Before your future occurs, that future is a series of choices which you must make either explicitly and consciously, or implicitly and without being aware. 

Just as you frame or re-frame your present circumstances, you implicitly frame your tomorrows.  The big difference, however, it that the future is exclusively a framing exercise, not a re-framing experiment.  The future is a wonderful mystery where you can set the plot, themes, players, places and promises.

Proactively seize your future and define it by YOUR dreams, opportunities, engagement and action.  This is the best offense and defense against the fears which might otherwise lurk on your horizon.

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SELF ADVISING

The psychologist Dr. Steve Peter suggested a clever way to identify who you are and how you might advise yourself accordingly.  He used the following scenario. *

"Imagine you are 100 years old and on your death bed with one minute left to live.  Your great-great-grand child asks you. “Before you die, tell me what I should do with my life” (1)

Pause for a moment and try to honestly answer the question within the next minute. You have just one minute, starting now. When the time is up and you have worked out what you would say to them, then continue reading.

Answering this question will identify what is important to you, what is the essence of who you are and what really matters to you. It is what life is all about to you. It is your raison d’etre, your reason for being.  Many of you will answer with statements such as, ‘it doesn’t matter what you do’, ‘be happy’, ‘don’t worry’, ‘take more risks’ and ‘make the most of it’. Whatever your advice was to your great-great-grandchild is really the advice to yourself. If you are not living by this advice, which is the essence of your existence, you are living a lie. Don’t live a lie; it will unsettle you more than anything else.”

It is highly likely that the “YOU you want to be” and the “YOU you are” are not the same.  You, like almost everyone else, are somewhat lying to yourself.  Re-solving this riddle is beyond a two minute reflection, but taking your own self-advice to others is a good place to start. If you are keen to unpack your self-mystery, do read ‘The Chimp Paradox’ (noted below): a clever, humorous, lay-person’s guide to brain science and wellness.

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"The Chimp Paradox: The Acclaimed Mind Management Programme to Help You Achieve Success, Confidence and Happiness" by Steve Peters

(1) Bertrand Russell said something along the same line when he noted, “I feel as if one would only discover on one’s death-bed what one ought to have lived for.”

ACHIEVEMENT AND YOUR CALLING

The notion of achievement has really got my fancy.  It seems to explain so much of my awesome life journey.  Somewhere in my early forties, my life fortunes seem to fall into place and stay that way. Particularly, achievement, engagement, purpose and calling joined up and my well-being almost permanently was improved.  Looking back, what brought all these circumstances together: it was achievement!

Sometime in my forties I began to enjoy significant career satisfaction: going to work was like going to play. The more time I was involved in my career, the more I enjoyed it.  I was in the FLOW for so many moments from when I left my home until I returned.  But what was it that brought such pleasure and purpose? It was the countless very small successes that happened every day.  Lectures became shows.  Learners were the audience.  The curriculum was the music and art.  Building lectures was my canvas.  Achievements were everywhere, and unconsciously many task I did became a chance to achieve and excel.  Even the most mundane task of marking exams became an art form where each script was an opportunity to impress me and let the learner shine.  Effort and talent were working together as a team. 

Purposeful opportunities were everywhere.  Encouraging my students to understand better and more deeply became my educator goal.  Wondering why something made sense to me became a mystery adventure.  Imaging WHY became my mission statement.  My lectureship career became a calling.  The cycle of flourishing repeated itself and continues to this day.

I hope I don’t come across as boasting or proud, rather I am sharing the eureka of discovering why and how my calling evolved.  It was all about inventing baby step achievements such that the smallest task was a joy I savoured and a chance to do a little better. 

Many of us can harmonize our engagement, meaning (purpose), achievement and calling.  Want to upgrade your career to a calling? Use achievement as the catalyst.  Design micro achievement tasks and moments into your day and relish those successes.

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ACHIEVEMENT AND GRIT (Part Two)*

Achievement, a sense of pride in finishing a task well and properly, is for many an important dimension of their well-being.  Especially in the early and mid-part of your career, learning and mastering new skills is what defines the degree of success you achieve and the promotions that follow.  Striving to do better gets you up in the morning and allows you to enjoy your employment position. Later on, it is those eureka moments when a subtle mystery or revelation opens a new door to self-discovery.  Your career becomes a calling, those achievements really matter, even though others would likely not understand why.

The equation:  Achievement = Skill x Effort provides some interesting insights into the psychology of achieving, especially about what exactly is Skill. 

Skill is what learning, practice and time mature.  But what is going on as you become more skillful?  Two parallel processes are occurring, one fast and one slow, simultaneously.  As you gain experience, more and more of the everyday processes become easier, quicker and more automatic.  You don’t have to think about many of the aspects of the tasks as you are unconsciously capable, and you have a natural intuition of what is going on.  An important aspect of learning is making more of what you know automatic and instinctual.

But behind the scene, the brain width you are not using as you are on automatic pilot allows you to focus on slower, deeper thinking, as you engage the higher order executive brain functions. The faster the speed, the more the knowledge you have, and thus the more time left over for these executive functions to be used.  Thinking slowly involves the voluntary, heavyweight processes of achievement, such as planning, checking for errors, using new information, inhibiting fastness and CREATIVITY. To be more skillful means you are both faster and more automatic but also slower and better at not making mistakes and identifying/resolving unexpected circumstances in a timely manner.  Having natural talents is a blessing, but working passionately and persistently can overcome talent in the longer run.  

So what?!  Achievement is more about GRIT and determination than IQ or natural talents.  The better athletes, experts, executives, scholars and managers are likely the ones that have more GRIT, rather than those with higher IQ or natural gifts.  Eventually the slower, more executive skills become purposeful and distinguish you from others. That slow thinking is what professional judgement is all about and what distinguishes the exemplar from the average.

Whether achievement matters to you on a career or well-being level, learn how to recognize and promote it!

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*: Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing: The practical guide to using positive psychology to make you happier and healthier by Martin Seligman and

Grit: Why Passion and Persistence are the Secrets to Success by Angela Duckworth

ACHIEVEMENT AND GRIT*(Part One)

I have had the privilege of observing thousands of university learners over the course of my career. With the most successful ones, I have long wondered why they became particularly successful. I would see saw glimmers of early promise in many students, but why did some go on to great accomplishments, and others seem less destined to succeed?

There is a growing body of research into this area. * Angela Duckworth converted the physics formula:

Distance = Speed x Times    to an achievement equation;

Achievement = Skill x Effort   (leaving the coefficient out).

Using thousands of samples, Angela was able to reasonably predict those that would achieve highly and those that would quit or underachieve.  She found that natural ability, talent or IQ was a poor predictor of success, and that effort, or determination, made all the difference.  She called this effort GRIT.

Angela found that those students who were not automatically able or quick at their studies had to work harder, longer, and practice more (the strivers). They had more grit and their achievements often matched or exceeded their naturally more able colleagues.  Strivers had a better achievement rate.

I have also observed in learners that whilst some are extremely naturally able, there are others who have an extra quality: a steady determination. They are diligent, focused and striving, and they seem to display some resilience when the going gets tough. I admire those especially diligent learners that seem to willingly go the extra mile with a smile.  As the sayings go: Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration (Thomas Edison). Or Winners never Quit, and Quitters never Win.

So what does this have to do with well-being?  Lots.  First, Achievement is one of the five dimensions of well-being or flourishing (Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Achievement or PERMA).  Achievement really matters! 

Whereas you cannot change your natural abilities, you can become more determined and resilient.  Grit is often more important than innate ability, especially in the long run. 

Improving your well-being takes effort but it is rewarding. We give lots of time and attention to gaining academic qualifications, but often we put very little time and effort into improving our own well-being. Maybe we should apply some of the same grit and determination that we apply to our careers to our own well-being, and to making significant changes in our personal lives.

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*: Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing: The practical guide to using positive psychology to make you happier and healthier by Martin Seligman

and

*: Grit: Why Passion and Persistence are the Secrets to Success by Angela Duckworth

THE GOLDEN RULE PLUS

The Golden Rule wisely states:

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

This is an excellent guideline, but can this rule become less of a maximum and more of a minimum?  For example, how about:

Do unto others AT LEAST as you would have others do unto you. 

So what? you comment: what is the intended difference?  The basic Golden Rule can occasionally sound like a quid-pro-quod, reciprocity arrangement.  It can feel like a barter arrangement or expectation management process: fair trade which is indeed equitable and useful BUT….. can we do better?

By adding “at least”, the most powerful well-being exercise is enabled, which is kindness or better still, random acts of kindness.  Doing three acts of kindness a week (preferably on the same day) will improve your well-being.  The harder you push the kindness, and the more random and anonymous it is, the more enhancing to your spirits it becomes.

Going the exact mile is easy as the road is rarely crowded.*  The second mile is generally even easier than the first.  The momentum of your kindness is already in play and the rewards for others (and yourself) actually scales up and multiples. As Matthieu Ricard notes, altruism** is one of the defining and highest of human ambitions, enabling wellness and joyfulness.  By adding, AT LEAST to the Golden Rule the bounty of kindness and compassion is brought more clearly into focus and practice.

Being kind or altruistic until it begins to bite or seem inconvenient has the wonderful quality of making our compassion and charity feel special and uplifting.  Practice doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, regularly, and then once in the while, push a little harder or further.  Like any exercise, this extra excursion strengthens your kindness muscles and make you more naturally compassionate.

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*: Wayne Dryer

**: Matthieu Ricard, Altruism, The Science and Psychology of Kindness

IS OUR FRIGHT USEFUL OR NECESSARY?

Fright can undermine much of our well-being, especially if it is left unchecked and permitted to grow.  We can be fearful of some uncertainty or situation and conjure up anxious outcomes.  But are our fearful thoughts warranted or were we just caught off-balance?  Fright is akin to being momentarily scared, but does that mean things are really dangerous or life threatening?

Historically, having a cautious nature was essential to one’s survival and safety, as danger was everywhere and medical treatment was practically non-existent.  A broken leg or open wound was very life threatening.  The average life span until the start of the twentieth century was between 30 and 40 years, whereas now it is 80 or over for those living in the West.  Have we re-wired our thinking to today’s world? Or are we living in some media invented other reality?  The media is constantly telling us that we are at serious risk from too much fat in our diets, or criminality, or airplane crashes or threats from terrorism– and all of these can make us overly anxious. Remember, good news does not sell, as it is too boring.

Frightening things are about perceived (or imagined) risks, whereas dangerous things are about real risks.  Between innovations, regulations, standards, medical advances and education, the world has never been as safe as it is now.  Being frightened is largely an emotional, not a rational reaction.  Put very bluntly, if you were to die only because of unnatural or dangerous events (that is, other than age related illnesses and circumstances), on average you would live to be 2,800 years old.  Based on this simple but valid statistic our world is EXTREMELY safe and secure.

Getting to grips with your anxiety will help you sleep better. Please consider investigating the FACTFULNESS* book noted below, it provides the data and research to support a less dangerous view of our reality.  It is a fascinating and reassuring read.

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*: Factfulness: Ten Reasons We're Wrong About The World - And Why Things Are Better Than You Think by Hans Rosling, Ola Rosling, Anna Rosling Rönnlund

ARE WE HERE FOR A GOOD TIME?

Trooper, a Canadian band from the 70’s wrote a wonderful song called: “We’re here for a good time (not a long time)”.  For the longest of time that simple line was at the root of much that I did and indeed I did have some very good times.  Back then it sounded like a good compass to direct my attention, but it does ring hollow now.

Somewhere over the past fifteen years I discovered the importance of purpose.  I started to focus more on doing things because they were in line with my core values and intrinsic goals.  Volunteering, designing my working duties and seeking out venues where I could encourage outcomes that really mattered to me became essential to my well-being.  I started to look for opportunities to combine purpose with good times, and there were several.

I know it took many years, and many mis-steps, but eventually I was able to find a unique circle of competence where I could do things that were very purposeful and mattered to me.  I looked at what I did well in my career: what were those things that I would willingly and eagerly do on weekends or evenings? I started to read more and think more deeply about my dreams and goals. Was there any common theme?   How can I make a difference and make the world a better place? Something purposeful slowly emerged.

What distinguishes a good time from a purposeful time?  Good times focus too much on immediate or short term pleasure.  Good times exaggerate the importance of “JUST DO IT”, and can be rather selfish.  Purpose considers well-being, others, the longer term and the consequences of what you JUST DID. 

I would be the last person to suggest that you give up good times.  Yes, be fanciful and carefree.  Do cause some amazing memories. Absolutely, good times rock!!  But also pause, and imagine how you can make a good time a BETTER TIME.  A dose of purpose is all it takes.

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NO PLAN B

Recently I moved to another continent and country.  The culture, climate and everything in-between was new and very different from much that I was used to.  Regularly, before and after the move, people asked me the same questions, being: “Why?” and “How are you enjoying the change?”  It was as though they expect me to complain or regret my choice.  But my reply is always the same: “There is no Plan B so I am determined to make Plan A a wonderful success!”

The absence of a viable alternative or obviously better plan is such a blessing.  But the real point is not the absence of a substitute, but rather the total decision to not give any other arrangement any air or space to fester.  

Very occasionally, you have to make big choices where the decision precludes and includes many subsequent aspects of your life.  Choosing a partner, career, home, place to live, or employer are just a few of such binary (Yes/No) dilemmas. 

A good way to undermine your final selection is to second guess your conclusion, regret your conclusion, ask “What if?” and/or replay your decision making process. It sounds like even after your selection there still seems to be a Plan B on the table.  But there isn’t, unless your decision was half-hearted and naïve.

When you are in one of those Plan A or B decision moments, do spend the time making the trade-offs, and weighing the pros and cons.  But also acknowledge in advance there will be elements of regret and disappointment, as this is the nature of life.  With informed consent, you need to buy-in accordingly, and let go of any cognitive dissonance (after the fact regret).

Living your life as though there is always a Plan B out there significantly depreciates your well-being.  You are trapped in the puzzle of re-living your past, corrupting your future and hollowing out your present moments.  Buying into your Plan A and perpetually upgrading it makes the very thought of Plan B unwanted and unwarranted.  

Once Plan A is in play, THERE IS NO LONGER A PLAN B (THANKFULLY)!

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CIRCLE(S) OF COMPETENCE

My career was blessed by two simple but fortunate decisions I made in my early teens.  The first was to decide very clearly what I did not want to do or become, and avoid these topics like they were the plague.  Secondly, I listened carefully to my heart and head at the same time, and heard what they suggested in terms of what I was naturally better at or interested in.

I sensed early on that I was better with numbers than the arts.  Next, I observed that I preferred dollar signs to co-sines, so I pursued business rather than engineering studies.  I was more comfortable being loud than quiet, and made lots of similarly small trade-offs. What I deliberately did was to make the circle of what I was better at or more interested in smaller and smaller.  Warren Buffett calls this “staying within your circle of competence”.

What this means is to decrease the range or breadth of things you find meaningful, whilst at the same time increasing the depth of how you understand and improve the skills related to this body of knowledge and expertise.  I mindfully stumbled into things that spoke to me emotionally and intellectually, committed to what I was expected to learn, was privately proud of my self-learning and let these insights wholeheartedly lead me on. By my middle twenties I found my career and in my early thirties I discovered my calling.

What was critical was to always stay within my decreasing circle of competence.  And at the same time, to TOTALLY BUY-IN WITH HEART, BODY AND SOUL. Decreasing the scale but increasing the scope of my world was awesome and completely ME.  It became easier and easier to enter a state of flow where a sense of self and time disappeared, where high challenge was coupled with high levels of skill.  A career becoming a calling that happened organically.  Even now I still discover or re-invent new circles of competence which I get totally excited about.  I focused almost exclusively on my strengths, but managed my weaknesses where unavoidable.

You can do the same: find, invest in, commit to and be proud of your circles of competence.

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HOW LONG IS NOW?

With so much mention about “being in the now or moment” it seems a fair question to ask: ”How long is now?”  NOW is defined as the length of time that you can be aware of something before your awareness moves on to something else. Different estimates abound, ranging from one to ten seconds long, averaging between two and three seconds for each discreet NOW moment. (1) 

That means you experience between 10,000 and 20,000 NOWS during each waking day. However you remember almost none of these NOW moments.  Does this forgetfulness dismiss the importance of being the moment?  NO! 

As Bill Keane, the cartoonist of Family Circle said in 1984:   “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a GIFT.  That’s why it’s called the present.”

At any one moment there are three different NOW selves potentially engaged. These selves are your experiencing (present) self, your remembering (past) self and your planning (future) self.  Each of these selves is fighting for your awareness.  Unfortunately the past (regretting) self wins most of your NOW awareness, followed the future (worrying or anxious) self and the present (mindful) self just hangs around being rather dis-engaged.

You cannot productively use all those three second moments as present gifts, but you can improve re-prioritise your mind to think more effectively.  Whereas 99.9% of these NOWs are fleeting, deliberately engage with the 0.001% of them (about 20 per day) and make them real and alive.  Bring a smile to your face.  Pause, take a breath, look about and engage as many of your senses as you can. Once in the while cause a NOW moment to become a genuine memory worthy of sharing with others and remembering for a few days.  Do something exciting, uniquely different and spontaneous.  And make it your mission at least four or five times a year to create a celebration that you will use to frame the year by.   This isn’t taking a selfie and putting it on your Facebook, but rather experiencing something that you will privately cherish and smile about as you re-count this year several years later.  Cause some NOW milestones!!

Annually you have around five million NOW moments, so make some of these present moments a gift to yourself.

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(1): Marc Wittmann, Felt Time: The Psychology of How We Perceive Time, (MIT Press, 2016)

KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE BALL

When things get tense in a discussion, we often forget to focus on the most important issues, and get caught up in an emotional or tangential reaction to our situation.  The emotional dimension of a heated discussion overwhelms us and we take our eyes off the ball, especially if things start to get personal. We often pursue an angry and spiteful agenda which sidetracks us away from the major issue, or distracts us for the matter at hand.  Please beware of what is happening at this point.  Getting even overwhelms getting on, when being right and winning seems to be all that matters.

   What I have learned all too well when matters get heated is that I need to step back and ensure I am clear as to what the problem is. So often we all fail to do this. Often I am agreeing with the other person, just in a different way.  Or we almost agree and the differences are small, but we are too emotionally connected and want to win without any compromise.  And most commonly, we differ because we are debating along similar lines, but are actually trying to make completely different points about an issue, and are not actively listening and having a dialogue.

 What should one do when matters get ahead of us and emotions drown out listening?  Go back to the beginning and check whether you and others are looking at the same issue.  Spend some time precisely clarifying the topic or issue: did you really mean that? Did you mean to say?... Look for commonality in the positions you hold. Take time out and call a halt to things to allow for some reflection.

Keeping your eyes on the ball is about clarifying what the PROBLEM is, listening to ensure you are properly understanding the other person’s point of view, and taking time out to review and revisit a discussion that is getting too heated or too personal. 

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WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU DID SOMETHING FOR THE FIRST TIME?

 Our lives can easily become like a broken record that repeats the same line or verse.  The predictable rituals and routines that make up our days can improve the certainty and efficiency of our efforts, and give a much needed structure to our lives, but this can make get a little boring and repetitive day in, day out.

Maybe it is time to stir things up a bit.  Really, when was the last time you did something for the first time?  Carefully consider the truth and intrigue this question suggests.  Have you become so patterned and regular that you have forgotten to take measured risks or invite change into your life, to boost the excitement and newness of the present moment?  A little change and randomness might just be what you need to revitalize your life.

 Experimenting with even the smallest change, like your journey to work or what you have for breakfast is a good start. The nice thing about such minor adjustments is that it opens you up to being bolder and more engaged in your present moment.  Hopefully you will progress to a state where increased awareness of the NOW becomes more immediate and frequent.  Consciously seeking opportunities to do things for the first time makes you more aware of the wonderful things going on around and about you.  Being too routine in your habits means you often miss the awesome opportunities all around you.

 Making small, incremental improvements that change your life to the better is another way of addressing the doing something for the first time challenge. Particularly adding new acts of kindness, gratitude and/or compassion: these will increase your overall wellness and add variety to your day.

 As the present moment is always new and changing, seize a few of these moments and make them yours, refreshing and unique.

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WE ALL KNOW WHAT TO DO BUT …

Jean-Claude Juncker, currently the president of the European Commission, noted about politicians that, “We all know what to do, we just don’t know how to get re-elected after we’ve done it.”  He was speaking about climate change, but I think it is a wise summary of the current populist nature of our political culture and dialogue.  Is getting re-elected more important than doing the right thing?

 Unfortunately, the nature of so many challenging dilemmas that society faces requires making trade-offs which will have BOTH positive and negative consequences for us.  Whether the issue is climate change, migration, health care, re-distribution of income, terrorism, or diversity it may have an effect on OUR PERSONAL prosperity and standard of living. THERE NEVER WAS SUCH A THING AS A FREE LUNCH.  To expect others to bear the costs and you can get a free ride on the benefits of the solution is naïve, short sighted and extremely selfish.

Difficult issues require careful consideration and tolerance of all the parties, both those advantaged and dis-advantaged by the remedy.   There is so much attention given to simple, popular solutions to problems, but do we give proper attention to the complexities and implicit trade-offs imbedded in the public policy dilemmas?  Seeking to realize the immediate benefits of a solution and to tax later generations with the financial and other costs is selfish.  Are we leaving the world a better place for our children and grandchildren or are we eating their lunch? These residual but real consequences should be contemplated now rather than kicked down the road.

Democracy is about more than the majority getting what they want, but also showing respect and accommodation for those on the minority side.  Compromise, respecting and engaging with those we disagree with is a measure of healthy, wellness oriented societies.  Appreciate that policies to address issues will take years or generations to resolve.  Politicians should be afforded some latitude and grace to impose costly short term costs on society for the advantage of later generations.  Climate change is clearly one of those challenges.

Please cut those in difficult leadership roles some slack.  Admire those leaders that make choices that may undermine their re-election prospects.  Likely those are the honourable and noble ones who are actually confronting the hard realities, and not the opportunists.

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SMALLER CUP - REVISITED

I started SmallerCup six months ago. I thought now might be a good time to pause and review these reflections and consider what some of my learned or reinforced thoughts are about the theme of a Smaller Cup.

 First, my view that a smaller cup enhances life is more strongly held than ever.  The nearer to three quarters full my cup is the more fortunate and positive my perspective becomes.

 Second, knowing my cup is smaller but fuller instinctively makes me more grateful.  And an attitude of gratitude is the BEST MEDICINE for wellness available.

 Third, having a smaller cup is not an end, but rather a means to an improving my overall circumstances. Setting challenging and attainable goals is much easier if I am already in a state of relative completeness.

 Fourth, a smaller cup keeps me living in the present moment as I feel blessed.  I avoid being too focused on the future.

 Fifth, a smaller cup encourages more to take smaller (baby) steps on my life journey.  Thinking in terms of smaller steps makes overall improvement more likely, and setbacks are less disconcerting.

 Sixth, a smaller cup provides me with more occasions to experience purpose and achievement.  Having modest ambitions for improvement allows for more moments to savour incremental success.

 Seventh, thinking in terms of a smaller cup overturns the fight or flight, win or lose, full or empty, zero sum philosophy.  I feel a sense of relief, pausing and re framing the choices I can make in a more constructive and optimistic way.

 Eighth, a smaller cup is a more sustainable and rejuvenating perspective.  The smaller cup constrains me from becoming too ambitious and assuming that more is necessarily better.  Driving myself to forever pursue significantly more or better can become like chasing my own tail.

 Ninth, a smaller cup perspective encourages me to pause and see more dimensions of my well-being.  I experience a more balanced, measured and multi-dimensional life.  Please focus on your smaller cup, it will help you through your day and life.

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GOALS

Yesterday was a rather special day for me, as I achieved a goal I set over thirty years ago.  I do not wish to boast, but yesterday I arrived in the 100th country (Moldova) of my travelling life.  So what?!

 It is about setting goals that are challenging but attainable.  Whereas your longer term goals are likely other than travel, I know there is some very personal mystery or adventure that speaks to you.  You don’t have to justify your mission, but having one certainly adds purpose and meaning to your middle years when life can become rather same-same.

 In 1984, I started to travel with some eagerness and imagined milestones to encourage me to travel to places just a little further away and beyond my then comfort zone.  The first few milestones were timid but achievable; with persistence and planning I overcame them.  Then came the endurance part of putting in the time, resources and resolve to go to countries further afield and off most people’s map and curiosity level.  I matured skills and resilience, as there were many technical and physical challenges in the way of hitting the magic 100.  I learned to minimize my possessions and tolerate many discomforts. I learned where to put my effort and focus, and when to let go and be in the moment.  Eventually an intrepid traveler emerged.

 Perhaps this sounds like an athlete training for a major event or a young person planning their career.  Wonderfully, those training skills for sports and employment also apply to your personal agenda.  But even better, the exercises for achieving your private but real goals have a much longer time span to be realized and can create an immense amount of joy along the way.  Setting goals creates purpose and achievement; the building blocks of well-being. 

 Having a non-financial goal that may take twenty or thirty years to realize creates immense excitement as you plod through the regularity of life.  Fantasizing about the steps to get there and savouring the process sure makes getting up on a dreary Tuesday morning in winter special.

 Please conjure up your own challenging but attainable goal and invest the energy, skills, confidence and time to achieve it.  This purpose is so positive to your well-being.

 PS:  I have set a new goal of 120 countries by 2025.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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BEING and/or DOING?

We seem to spend so much time doing that we forget we are human beings not human doings. But how does one get from doing to being? By recognizing that the only thing we have is the present moment – the past is past, and the future is still ahead of us. We need to live in the NOW.

 There are two cycles we are perpetually involved in: the doing and the being aspects of life.  The DOING, DO, DONE loop of life is important but it should not overwhelm the BE, BEING sequence.   Regularly one should acknowledge that actions and busyness are FINISHED and it is time to smell the coffee and savour and relish the moment.

 Just being in the moment means appreciating what has been done, being quiet, and being at peace.  It means consciously stopping and evaluating before you go from one relentless task to another. That is what NOW is all about.  Regularly taking an inventory of your blessings, achievements and progress settles the spirit and improves your well-being.

 Forever pursuing tasks and doing more is exhausting and is well served with the occasional reflective moments.  Maybe meditation is not your cup of tea, but invent your own calming exercises.  Setting aside chill out breaks recharges the brain, encourages creative thinking, problem solving and well-being. 

 Four of the ten positive emotions (Reflection of February 26th) are about experiencing and being in the moment.  They are: amusement, awe, inspiration and interest.  Being in the now means engaging your various senses to non-judgementally savour and capture whatever is around you.  Challenge yourself to smile, find beauty and joy in what is going around you.   There are so many grand things going on around and within you, but maybe you just aren’t seeing them. 

 Challenge your powers of observation to record the amusing, awesome, inspiring and interesting things about your present moment. You might find this very hard to begin with, but practice makes it easier, and it will improve your mood and probably your productivity too!

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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UNDER PROMISING

Years ago I was involved in an undertaking that was very frustrating.  The person I reported to was making promises and commitments, but rarely achieved anything near what was suggested.  Over time, I lost interest in the project due to embarrassment and disappointment.  Whereas the underlying project was interesting and achievable, the misleading expectations that were created ultimately lead to the project being abandoned, despite its potential.

 As I look back at that episode I learned an important lesson: under promise and over deliver.  It is better to please than disappoint someone, as we tend to harbour disappointments for a long time.  Over delivering generates surprise and gratitude – you have done more than expected.

We are all far more eager to talk up rather than to downplay an opportunity.  Promising early delivery, significant improvements, amazing low cost, stunning quality is all great marketing, but it isn’t necessarily a good idea.  If the actual result will likely be less than promised; the achievement is depreciated in the eyes of the friend, customer or colleague.

 The consequence of over promising is that one’s reputation for reliability and integrity can be undermined.  In the longer term, what is more important, one’s reputation or a quick sale?  You may win the battle (getting the immediate reward), but lose the war (the next opportunity or a more sustained relationship with that person or client).  Eventually, earning the trust and confidence of others is what should really matter.

 Under promising means being very realistic about what can be delivered and then adding a margin for error.  Knowingly quoting a higher cost, later delivery date or lower performance and later actually surprising the customers, friend or colleague with a better result is a winning formula.  In the short run you may lose a few deals, friends or promotions, but in the longer run you will definitely gain an advantage of trust.  

 Having a reputation for integrity and honouring your word is priceless, and it bears huge dividends in the longer run. 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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GOOD CRAZY

Everyone has a natural comfort zone, a range of events and behaviours where one feels at peace.  I eat almost the same breakfast every day and watch the news before going to bed most evenings.  These rituals and habits are rather boring, but they work for me. 

 But where is the excitement and now of the moment?  To supplement this static existence I seek out what I call “GOOD CRAZY”.  Good means not harmful to oneself or others, and more likely beneficial and uplifting.  Crazy suggests carefree, random, other than usual and most importantly fun.  Added together, good crazy affords immense scope to be in the moment, happy and feeling alive.

 There is so much opportunity for adventure and joy in the present moment if one only steps outside one’s comfort zone.  Why not pay a compliment to a colleague, buy a thoughtful gift for a friend, take a different route home or have a different breakfast?  These little tweaks to our regular patterns makes the day feel more memorable and real.

 Good crazy unlocks so many chances to do wonderful things for others or oneself.  One wonders why we don’t naturally seek to do more spontaneous good.  Perhaps it is because we are on automatic pilot or just too comfortable being other than crazy. 

 Some people assume that if others were to act more in the moment that might imply doing wrong or evil things.  My observation is that there is so much more privatized goodness eager to be expressed than evil.  Going more public with one’s immediate positive emotions will release much wellness.  Being good crazy is about empowering goodness, but please contain those bad crazy impulses.  

 Experiment with your good crazy zone, it will likely improve your circumstances.  To slightly paraphrase Lou Reed, “Walk on the wilder side”. 

 Risk a little good crazy to spice up your life.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

Please share freely and widely, there are no copyright concerns.