Thoughts vs. Thinking*

They say we have between 50,000 and 60,000 thoughts a day. That’s around 40 to 55 a minute—almost one every second. It’s a steady hum in the background: memories, little flashes of insight, half-formed ideas, bits of inner chatter, and all sorts of passing observations. Many of these thoughts are on repeat—rooted in habit, routine, and the quiet worries we carry.

That’s a lot of thoughting. But here’s the thing—not all of that is the same as thinking.

Let’s slow things down with a familiar moment. Picture yourself coming up to a traffic light.

You notice the light is green. That’s a thought. You glance at the road—it’s busy. Another thought. You count a couple of cars ahead. Thought again. No one’s crossing—still a thought. Then your mind starts to work a little harder. You wonder how long it’ll take to get through the lights—maybe four seconds. Now you’re thinking.

Will the light change soon? Not sure—that’s thinking too. If it turns red, will you be late? Probably. By how much? Two minutes. Will that matter? Maybe. And just like that, you’re in full-blown thinking mode—complete with the emotional baggage, worry, and a touch of what I like to call “awfulizing.”

In moments like these, thoughts are like little birds fluttering past—quick, simple, and not asking much from you. They’re just there: clinical, objective, and free from judgement. They require very little energy.

Thinking, on the other hand, is when you start weaving a story out of those birds—wondering where they’re flying, if they’ll land, and what it might all mean. Judgements, feelings, worries… they sneak in quietly and suddenly you’re no longer just observing—you’re interpreting, reacting, worrying, analysing and catastrophising.

Thoughts are the raw material of the mind—gentle nudges, non-judgemental  observations, a whisper of insight. They arrive uninvited. You don’t have to work for them, and you don’t get to choose which ones come.

Thinking is what happens when we start engaging with those thoughts. It’s the energy we give them—the weight, the narrative, the emotion. And while thinking can be useful, it’s also draining. It draws on our focus, our attention, our emotional reserves. And let’s be honest—it doesn’t always take us somewhere kind or calm.

Here’s a simple way to tell them apart: a thought is something you have—it’s a noun. Thinking is something you do—it’s a verb.

You can’t stop thoughts from showing up, but you can choose how you meet them. You can notice when you’re sliding into overthinking and gently step back. You can guide your thinking towards something kinder. You can even let a thought drift by without turning it into a whole story.

And that, in its own quiet way, is a kind of freedom.

This is where the ten positive emotions come in—gratitude, hopefulness, joy, love, pride, serenity, amusement, awe, inspiration, and interest. If you can gently reframe your “verb-type” thinking through one of these lenses, you might just find yourself shifting the whole experience. You can’t always control your thoughts—but you can let your thinking work for you.

 *:  Inspired by Don't Believe Everything You Think by Joseph Nguyen

How You Do the Small Stuff Matters*

It’s insightful to observe how you handle the small things in life. Consider some of your everyday activities — going to an appointment, cycling through town, or meeting a friend for coffee. In those moments, do you show up on time and keep your word? Are you courteous and patient, bringing joy and presence into your interactions? Do you finish what you start and take quiet pride in your efforts? Are you thoughtful, empathetic, and attentive to the details? Or do you find yourself falling into habits like impatience, rushing, or casual gossip?

What’s fascinating is how the way you do these small, seemingly insignificant things often reflects how you approach the bigger, more meaningful parts of life. Your behaviour in everyday situations tends to spill over into more important moments. If your conduct during routine events isn’t quite in line with how you’d like to be seen or remembered, it’s worth paying attention. Reputation isn’t just shaped by grand gestures or deliberate actions — it’s often built on the quiet consistency of how you carry yourself when no one’s watching.

Wherever you go, your natural self-shows up. Whether you're in a high-stakes situation or just having a quick conversation, your patterns reveal themselves. It’s not that you're different in big versus small situations — you're just more visible in one than the other.

A more approachable path to self-improvement is to begin with the small stuff. These are often automatic behaviours we don’t think twice about — but they still have consequences. Maybe it's your tendency to run late, to get irritated in traffic, to speak without really listening, or to say you'll do something and then not follow through. Choose just one of these reflexes and gently work on it. Don’t aim for perfection — just aim for progress. Reduce how often it happens. Maybe, over time, stop it entirely. And when you notice yourself improving, give yourself quiet credit. That kind of self-awareness and follow-through builds confidence and trust — both in yourself and from others.

It’s also important to recognise what you’re already doing well. There are likely plenty of moments when you are reliable, kind, present, or honest — and those count. Let yourself feel a quiet sense of pride. That’s not arrogance — that’s healthy self-regard. Pride, after all, is one of the ten core positive emotions, and we can cultivate it by acknowledging our small, everyday wins.

So, here’s a powerful reflection: who do you aspire to be — and what small actions would that version of you take? How would they handle the ordinary moments? What habits would they leave behind, and which ones would they strengthen? Begin there. Begin small. Because, in truth, it’s the small things that shape everything.

How you do anything is how you do everything.*

*: How To Live An Extraordinary Life by Anthony Pompliano

What Is Wealth?*

Wealth is often perceived solely in terms of financial assets, but this perspective is both simplistic and limiting. Let's explore a broader, more nuanced understanding of wealth.

Consider 94 year old Warren Buffett, whose net worth is approximately $130 billion (2024). Now, think about the concept of time as a form of wealth. A person in their twenties has an expected remaining life of around two billion seconds; someone in their fifties has about one billion seconds; and at my age, I have roughly three hundred million seconds left. Each are billionaire (except me). Who is wealthier in this context? Would Warren Buffett trade his billions for the time that younger individuals possess? This thought experiment illustrates that financial wealth is just one dimension of a multifaceted concept.

In reality, wealth encompasses various forms, including:

1. Financial Wealth: The monetary assets and resources one control.

2. Time Wealth: The availability of time to pursue meaningful activities and personal interests.

3. Social Wealth: The depth and quality of relationships and social connections.

4. Mental Wealth: One's psychological well-being and intellectual growth.

5. Physical Wealth: The state of one's health and physical fitness.*

6. Spiritual Wealth: A sense of purpose and alignment with one's core (soul) values. I added this one.

Each of these "accounts" contributes to our overall sense of prosperity and fulfilment. Focusing exclusively on financial wealth can lead to imbalances, potentially neglecting health, relationships, or personal growth. Conversely, nurturing these other forms of wealth can enrich our lives in ways that money alone cannot, but we will likely end up poorer but much the happier.

Achieving true wellness requires a holistic approach, recognizing and cultivating all dimensions of wealth. By maintaining balance across these areas, we can lead more fulfilling lives and avoid the pitfalls of overemphasizing any single aspect.

In summary, wealth is a multifaceted construct that extends beyond mere financial assets. By broadening our definition to include time, social connections, mental and physical health, and spiritual fulfilment, we can pursue a more balanced, joyful, prosperous and enriched life.  We can all be billionaires if we play our cards wisely and mindfully.

*: The 5 Types of Wealth by Sahil Bloom

Resilience: Adapting to Fortunate (and Unfortunate) Events

Over the years, so many wonderful things have happened to me. My personal and professional life has been immensely blessed, and I am forever grateful. Recently, however, I have also experienced the passing away of those very dear to me. I was profoundly sad. What do both of these circumstances have in common? Resilience.

Resilience is the ability to bounce back from setbacks and misfortunes. After the funeral, I moved forward and adjusted to the new reality. I recovered from the initial shock more quickly than I expected; before long, I felt like myself again—just a little changed. That’s resilience in action.

Life has a way of balancing both joy and sorrow. Adapting to fortunate events helps us grow, while adapting to hardships helps us heal. We cannot expect resilience to be our remedy in tough times without recognizing that it also applies when life treats us well. The hedonic treadmill works both ways, returning us to our natural state of well-being, whether we are coming down from a high or pulling ourselves up from a low.

Nurturing resilience is an ongoing practice. When good fortune comes our way, it’s important to embrace it fully harvesting its bounty while also cultivating gratitude. By internalizing, savouring, and treasuring these moments, we are, in essence, strengthening our ability to bounce back from future challenges. Learning to adapt when things go well builds the habits we rely on when things fall apart.

One of the wonders of the human spirit is our ability to overcome obstacles. But just as we adjust to adversity, we also quickly acclimate to privilege. The real challenge is twofold: to recover properly from hardship and to grow when life is good—without taking our blessings for granted. Savouring is a conscious tool for reframing our experiences, deepening our resilience, and truly appreciating the journey.

Is Success Mountain Climbing or a Journey?

Early in my career I thought of success like climbing a mountain. The peak stands tall, representing the big achievement, but is that really the whole point of the climb? Or is there something more to it? Over time, I’ve come to realise that the real treasure isn’t just reaching the top (as there is no ultimate summit) —it’s in the happiness and well-being we experience along the way.

So, let’s explore this idea together:

1. Does happiness come before success, or does it follow after?

2. If success is meant to bring happiness, does that feeling truly last once we reach our goal?

3. Can happiness itself make success more likely—and the journey a little easier?

For a long time, many of us have been taught that success leads to happiness. And yes, achieving some (financial) goal can bring a rush of joy—but it rarely last. Too often, as soon as we reach one peak, we spot another, taller one in the distance. Instead of taking in the moment, we find ourselves chasing the next big thing, caught in what’s known as the “hedonic treadmill”—always striving but never quite feeling like we’ve arrived.

But what if there’s another way? What if we chose to enjoy each step rather than waiting for happiness at the finish line? When we take time to celebrate small wins and appreciate the view along the way, the journey itself feels richer. We feel lighter, more energized, and success starts to feel less like a distant goal and more like a natural part of life. In fact, when we carry joy with us, we’re better prepared for the challenges ahead, as if we’ve packed an extra supply of strength and spirit for the road. Put another way, enjoying the journey resulted in success; joy proceeds and empowers success.

The best way to manage the temptation of the hedonic treadmill is to control our expectations and step onto it less frequently, with intention, care, and a clear goal—and just as importantly, an exit strategy. If we find joy in the journey, then success becomes a companion rather than a destination. And in the end, a well-lived life isn’t just about how high we climb—it’s about the stories we share, the laughter along the way, and the moments of wonder that make the journey truly worthwhile.

Eight Billion (8,000,000,000) Of Us

Today, there are approximately 8 billion people alive, with an estimated 110 billion ever having been born. While these numbers are fascinating on their own, they also offer valuable insights when viewed through the lens of probabilities and statistics.

Consider this: if today an event has a one-in-a-billion chance of happening to someone in 2025, that event will actually occur eight times this year. If that event has a one-in-a-million chance of happening each day, it will affect 2.9 million people this year. A one-in-a-trillion daily event will occur 125 times in 2025. This is the essence of probabilities—detached, factual, and often counterintuitive. Despite the clarity of statistical reasoning, human psychology makes it difficult for us to process large numbers and assess risk accurately. There are three key reasons for this:

1. Difficulty Comprehending Large and Small Numbers

Nobel laureate Daniel Kahneman noted:

"Human beings cannot comprehend very large or very small numbers. It would be useful for us to acknowledge that fact."

We tend to overestimate rare but dangerous events while underestimating positive outcomes. For example, many people fear plane crashes more than car accidents, despite the latter being far more common and deadly. Similarly, we often overlook significant reductions in deaths from natural disasters due to advancements in preparedness and prevention and imagine we are more at risk today than in earlier times.

2. The Negativity Bias and Evolutionary Survival

Our natural tendency to be risk-averse is a survival mechanism. Historically, avoiding danger was crucial for survival, as infectious diseases, accidents, and predation posed significant threats.

For example, in 1900, approximately 800 per 100,000 Americans died annually from infectious diseases. By 2014, this number had dropped to just 46 per 100,000—a staggering 94% decline.*

Yet, our instinctual caution remains hardwired, often making us perceive the world as more dangerous than it actually is.

3. Media Amplification of Rare Events

The third problem is the over reporting of very low-frequency events. Until very recently (1950s), most news reporting was largely about local matters, with some regional and national events noted and almost none of an international nature. As the number of people in your “news” community was likely less than a few million, an event with a one-in-a-billion occurrence in your community was unlikely to happen, so you would never know if it had transpired elsewhere and would not imagine the possibility of such an occurrence. Since "if it bleeds, it leads," people are constantly exposed to extraordinary tragic but infrequent events, distorting their perception of risk. This creates a false impression that such events are far more common than they actually are, increasing fear and anxiety about the world.

A More Rational Approach to Risk

Understanding probability allows us to adopt a more balanced perspective on risk. While it is natural to feel cautious, recognizing that the world is statistically safer than ever can help reduce unnecessary fear. By focusing on data rather than emotion, we can make better decisions and embrace a more confident outlook on life.

So, the next time you hear about a rare but dramatic event, ask yourself: Is this truly a rising threat or just a reflection of our growing access to information or more likely situation that with eight billion people alive having eight billion daily experience that eight -in-a-billion event occurred today?

Letting go of exaggerated fears can empower you to experience the world with greater clarity, freedom and JOY

*Source: "Same as Ever: Timeless Lessons on Risk, Opportunity, and Living a Good Life" by Morgan Housel.  Well worth a read, full of commonsense in the battle against nonsense.

What is Thinking?

One day in primary school, there was a test—something they did back in the 60s. I was about ten, and the teacher posed the question, “What is the third request in the Lord’s Prayer?” Perhaps you know the answer, but that’s not really the point—test yourself if you like.

I was stumped. I felt insulted. I was angry at the teacher. Why? Because we hadn’t been asked to memorise the answer to this question. I felt like the teacher was cheating, breaking the unwritten learner-teacher contract. Their job was to tell me what to memorise, and my job was to memorise it.

After the test, but before the results were in, I stewed over this unfair, below-the-belt, unconstitutional conduct. It really got under my skin. Then the moment of reckoning came. The answer was, “Thy will be done.”

I mentally rehashed all the instruction we’d had on the Lord’s Prayer. We’d been forced to memorise it, recite it privately and as a class, write it down, and see it up on the blackboard. My word, had we memorised that material! I was practically an expert on the Lord’s Prayer at ten years old.

What amazed me was that if I’d just paused, re-ran the prayer in my mind, and counted on my fingers, the answer was right there in front of me. And that’s when it hit me—this was what thinking actually was. It was more than memorisation. It was what happens when you engage your mind and explore the uncertain mystery of whatever you are doing. And letting go of right answers.

I had met thought in school. Real thought. The kind that goes beyond the safe borders of what you’ve been taught and ventures into the unknown. And it was exciting. It was fun. It was totally personal and, dare I say, selfish? I was inside my own head. It was me. It was self-discovery in its rawest, most naive form.

That fascination with pondering stayed with me from the age of about ten, what a blessing. I became a thinking addict. Soon, I was perused the entire World Book encyclopaedia (a pre-Google, ancient summary of everything known to humankind at the time—about 20 volumes or roughly two metres of pages). I learned to channel my curiosity into something constructive, awesome and wonderful.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Epilogue: Sadly, sixty years later, and having been involved in university-level instruction for about forty years, I’ve seen that, unfortunately, a sizable minority of my learners have not had their “Eureka” moment—the realisation that they need to independently learn, ponder, engage and think. And with AI making thoughtfulness less necessary and easily outsourced, it feels like we are entering some very scary times.

Character or Personality?

I have been reading two books* on wellness and noticed a subtle but important difference in how the authors approach self-improvement. The Algebra of Wealth focuses on enhancing one’s circumstances by revisiting the values and paradigms that define a person’s character. It suggests that real change stems from these foundational attributes, shaping what is possible and where transformation should begin. In contrast, Atomic Habits presents various strategies for building constructive habits by modifying behaviours and personality. It proposes that small, tactical changes can lead to improvement, sometimes without deeply examining the root causes behind our behaviours.

Interestingly, The Algebra of Wealth recommends reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People* for further insights into self-improvement. The 7 Habits opens with a well-researched observation about how self-help literature has evolved. It notes that from around 1750 to 1950, self-improvement strategies focused on character and core values—what Stephen Covey calls the Character Ethic. This ethic emphasises Stoic virtues such as temperance, industriousness, diligence, fidelity, courage, integrity, humility, patience, and the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Covey explains:

The Character Ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living and that people can only experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their basic character.*

More recently, however, the focus has shifted to the Personality Ethic, where self-improvement is framed as making adjustments to how we present ourselves rather than addressing deeper personal growth. This approach suggests that external tweaks—such as learning persuasive techniques or appearing more confident—can be sufficient for success. In essence, it offers shortcuts to wellness and quick fixes to change.

However, research suggests that many of these adjustments (like crash diets) rarely lead to lasting change, and people often revert to old behaviours, often financially worse off. One of the earliest and most influential books in this new school of self-improvement was How to Win Friends and Influence People, which helped inspire an industry around personality-based success. Covey critiques this shift, noting:

Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive—encouraging people to use techniques to get others to like them, fake interest in their hobbies to extract favours, or use the “power look” to intimidate their way through life. Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success, but it tended to compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic. Reference to the Character Ethic became mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies, communication skills, and positive attitudes.*

This raises an essential question: If self-improvement is to be real and sustainable, should change come from within (character), or should it be shaped by how we are perceived (personality)? While focusing on character is more challenging—it requires reflection, self-criticism, and a willingness to confront vulnerabilities—it is also far more likely to lead to genuine and lasting wellness.

The Algebra of Wealth: A Simple Formula for Success by Scott Galloway

Atomic Habits by James Clear

** The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey

Why Should You Do Anything?

I've noticed recently that so much of life, career, the moment, and politics revolves around quick payoffs, especially financial ones. What will increase share prices, earnings, salaries, election chances, bonuses, promotions, friendships, billable hours, or sales? It just goes on and on. And you know what? It’s so utterly boring, uninteresting, and, frankly, sad. If there’s one thing that undermines happiness and wellness, it’s doing something for the wrong reasons.

In the long run, you should do important things for the right reasons. There are two key aspects to this—thinking long-term and ensuring your motivations are genuine.

Let’s start with the opposite of the long run—the short run. Life is nothing more than a continuous sequence of short runs patched together. That’s what makes the short run both boring and amazing—it never stops. It’s the one thing all living beings share: the present moment. Because the present is so precious, it should be cherished as a gift (which is why it’s called the present).

If your focus is solely on immediate rewards, you may wake up one day and realise you’ve accumulated nothing meaningful—only empty victories. Life is also a preview of eternal and perpetual tomorrows. The key is to balance today with tomorrow, keeping an eye on the future while still appreciating the now. The less you invest in the future, the smaller it will be. But, at the same time, don’t over-invest and forget to live today.

How do you ensure you’re doing things for the right reasons? Ask yourself:

• Are you coming from the right place?

• What will others remember tomorrow (if at all)?

• Does this benefit others and make their world a better place?

• Is it done with a sense of joy and carefreeness?

• Would you want someone to do this for you?

Make a habit of running your choices through your own internal “quiz show.” It’s a great way to keep the present meaningful and ensure a fulfilling tomorrow.

Here are some guiding principles that help me:

• Integrity

• Joyfulness

• Contributing to others’ wellness

• Honouring commitments

• Acting with carefreeness

• Treating others as you’d like to be treated

Chasing short-term payoffs often creates future problems—an unhealthy cycle of quick wins leading to bigger challenges. But if you incorporate the long run into today, your present will improve, as will your future. Ironically, this approach may even enhance the very things people chase—career success, financial stability, meaningful relationships, and a sense of self-worth.

So, why should you do anything? Because what you do today shapes tomorrow.

The Power of Intentions

Whether you think you can or

You think you cannot,

You are right!

Thank you, Henry Ford, for this insightful summary of how our thinking shapes our well-being. Ford, using intuition, observed what Sonja Lyubomirsky later confirmed through empirical research on well-being (1). Both noted that our intentions have a profound impact on our ability to flourish.

Lyubomirsky's findings suggest that around 40% of our well-being is influenced by our intentional thoughts and activities. The remaining factors? Fifty percent is largely determined by our genetic set points—our inherited traits that cannot be changed—while the final 10% is shaped by life circumstances, such as wealth, appearance, or social status.

If we decide, often unconsciously, that we are having a bad day, we are likely to prove ourselves right. Conversely, if we approach the day with a determined intention for it to go well, we greatly increase the likelihood of a positive experience. Try it: frame an upcoming event with an optimistic mindset. Chances are, it will be more joyful—or at least better—than if you had no positive expectations at all.

Having observed and assessed thousands of students sitting exams, I have seen a strong correlation between intentional preparation, attitude, and performance. The student who enters with confidence often leaves with a sense of accomplishment—and, later, a rewarding result. Those who approach the exam with dread and low expectations frequently find their fears confirmed.

Success or failure is rarely as random as we assume. Realistic intentions, coupled with thoughtful preparation, dramatically increase the odds of achieving our goals. By shaping our self-fulfilling prophecies with care and optimism, we set ourselves up for a future that aligns with our best hopes.

(1): Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, David Schkade, Review of General Psychology 9(2):111-131 · June 2005

Interpersonal Contact

Often, I wonder how we, as humans, can come to such different conclusions when considering some of the important challenges facing us.  Whatever the issue: the environment, politics, race relations, sexuality, or religion, the differences and nuances of opinion can be myriad.  As a society, are we getting less tolerant of those who disagree with or differ from our own viewpoints?  Do we even know or strive to really understand what makes others take such radically opposing views to ourselves anymore, or do we just seek out those who agree with our standpoints?

We can all harbour prejudices or negative stereotypes towards those who disagree with us.  I do not like this conclusion, but I must accept it has some merit.  So how can I turn this situation around?

Two psychologists* completed a meta-analytic study on prejudice by reviewing the findings of over 500 studies, involving 250,000 participants in over 35 countries.  They came to an obvious but powerful conclusion. 

Simply put,  interpersonal contact is one of the most effective ways to reduce prejudice.

I found this finding very consoling and helpful.  Those troubling concerns I noted earlier are largely because I have no real contact with those with views or backgrounds different from my own and consequently, I form stereotypes which are often unhelpful or unkind.

It is problematic that I have too much contact with like-minded, socio-economic, ethnically similar people.  I must remember that we are a small minority of mankind.  Social media, news organizations and our own busy schedules can easily make it convenient to form associations of friends that are exclusive and insular. 

I must challenge myself to make more contact with  those who are different from me.  I must try to deliberately be more inclusive and tolerant.  I must accept the fact that others have a natural and legitimate prejudice against me, because they do not have any contact with me. 

Acknowledging and accepting that I have a natural but unhelpful tendency to be prejudiced is a good place to start in terms of turning this situation around.

*: T. Pettigrew and L. Tropp,  Does Intergroup Contact Reduce Prejudice? Meta-Analytic Finding, 2008

Achievement and Your Calling

The notion of achievement has really got my fancy.  It seems to explain so much of my awesome life journey.  Somewhere in my early forties, my life fortunes seem to fall into place and stay that way. Particularly, achievement, engagement, purpose and calling joined up and my well-being almost permanently was improved.  Looking back, what brought all these circumstances together: it was achievement!

Sometime in my forties I began to enjoy significant career satisfaction: going to work was like going to play. The more time I was involved in my career, the more I enjoyed it.  I was in the FLOW for so many moments from when I left my home until I returned.  But what was it that brought such pleasure and purpose? It was the countless very small successes that happened every day.  Lectures became shows.  Learners were the audience.  The curriculum was the music and art.  Building lectures was my canvas.  Achievements were everywhere, and unconsciously many task I did become a chance to achieve and excel.  Even the most mundane task of marking exams became an art form where each script was an opportunity to impress me and let the learner shine.  Effort and talent were working together as a team. 

Purposeful opportunities were everywhere.  Encouraging my learners to understand better and more deeply became my educator goal.  Wondering why something made sense to me became a mystery adventure.  Imaging WHY became my mission statement.  My lectureship career became a calling.  The cycle of flourishing repeated itself and continues to this day.

I hope I don’t come across as boasting or proud, rather I am sharing the eureka of discovering why and how my calling evolved.  It was all about inventing baby step achievements such that the smallest task was a joy I savoured and a chance to do a little better. 

Many of us can harmonize our engagement, meaning (purpose), achievement and calling.  Want to upgrade your career to a calling? Use achievement as the catalyst.  Design micro achievement tasks and moments into your day and relish those successes.

Kindness, Patience, Thoughtfulness

Look carefully at your most prized relationships and ask: “What is the most essential ingredient in these relationships?”  Yes, love.  But love is a rather vague catch-all word.  How about kindness, patience and thoughtfulness?  Wouldn’t it be awesome if you gave and received these unconditional expressions of love?

 As these words are so rich and subjective, I thought it might be useful to look up their definitions in Wikipedia.  And here is what I learned:

Kindness is as the quality of being friendly, generous, and considerate. Affection, gentleness, warmth, concern, and care are words that are associated with kindness. 

Patience is a person's ability to wait something out or endure something tedious, without getting riled up.

Thoughtfulness is showing consideration for others; considerate, being mindful or heedful of the well-being of others.

Your relationships would likely appreciate extra dosages of kindness, patience and thoughtfulness, but how do you make that happen?  Start by consciously putting in these same ingredients.  When matters get harried, consider which would be the best medicine, or ponder whether there is tension because they are lacking.  When everything is going well, observe how mindfully upping the amount of kindness, patience and/or thoughtfulness makes that moment even better.  Also, be alert to when you receive these responses from others and note how it improves your relationship.

Once you have done several proactive experiments with these emotions, share what you have learned with your partner or friends.  Encourage them to be open to using kindness, patience and thoughtfulness to show and receive affection.

Mindfully giving and receiving kindness, patience and thoughtfulness certainly improves any relationship.  Do some experimenting and see what happens.  Nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

Resumé or Eulogy?

During our career, we develop a C.V  that summarizes our employment skills and achievements.  This proudly exaggerates (let’s be honest) what we have done.  When you read your résumé, don’t you smile at some of those milestones along the way; how those early successes now look so minor, but at the time they were huge?  They all helped to get you to where you are today.

While you were accumulating all that experience and expertise, you were also crafting your eulogy. What a different text that is!  Rather than describing what you did or can do, it summarizes how you are remembered.  Rather than being framed as a human doing, a eulogy sees you as a human being: what were your endearing qualities, virtues and quirks that made you the person you were.  Your morals and values are the central pieces of your eulogy, not your wealth, education, or titles.

Your C.V and eulogy need not be in conflict: there is a wonderful synergy between the two if you keep your eye on the long term.  As you build your career, regularly compare your achievements against an ethical/morale code and see how they measure up.  What do these feats suggest about your character, integrity, wisdom, and judgement?  Fortunately, your past will come to bless (or haunt) you.  Keeping your eulogy in the back of your mind is a powerful self-correcting device to keep you on a better path.  Small upstanding actions early in your career will make your skill development more significant and remarkable. 

Smarter hiring and promotion strategies look for integrity first: you can always train someone to become more skillful.  Training someone to be honourable or virtuous does not work very well or easily, because it must come from within and naturally.  I will always prefer a person of average skill but strong ethics over a brilliant person with suspicious ethics.

Independent of your résumé, it is important to pause and imagine how you will be remembered.  What difference did you really make?  Will you be remembered for your kindness and selflessness, or will it be just the toys and the titles you acquired? And be mindful that the more joyful and redeeming your eulogy, the more purposeful and successful your actual career likely was. 

Helpful and/or Hopeful

One of the essential positive emotions is being hopeful. In the list of ten positive emotions, being hopeful is the only one that is future oriented. The expectation that the future bodes well and is promising is fundamental to joyful well-being.  The aspiration for improvement is what makes life purposeful and meaningful.  Take away one’s hopefulness and life can appear rather bleak.

Another desire is to be helpful and proactive; the sense that effort can make a difference.  Can you personally do anything to improve or implement your hopeful aspirations?

Both hopeful and helpful have antonyms: hopeless and helpless. Both are disabling. I have asked people to describe themselves within these parameters.  Age seems to have a bearing on how one classifies oneself.  Older folks (over 50) seem to be generally hopeful and feel empowered to affect their hopefulness.  However, for younger adults’ hopefulness was in shorter supply and helplessness was not uncommon.  What a despairing revelation!

So how can one get out of this melancholy funk?  Do you start with the helplessness or the hopelessness?  I would start with helplessness.  Without a personal sense that you can make a difference, being hopeful is an impossibility.  It is unlikely that you will be able to solve climate change, but you can make your neighborhood a tidier place and reduce your climate footprint.  World peace can seem hopelessly idealistic, but in your little way you can be kind and inclusive.  Start small and local.  Make a commitment to honour your word, arrive at the time you agreed, under-promise and over-deliver.  Mindfully practice helpfulness, it will unlock your hopefulness.

And being hopeful?!  Again, think small, setting realistic and immediate goals.  Practice gratitude.  Count your blessings.  Have a SMALLER CUP that is fuller. Let go of comparison (unless it is with your yesterday).  Be charitable. 

If you don’t feel helpful or hopeful, how can you move yourself forward?  Work on your helpfulness, as your well-being depends on it.

Curious?!?

The world and what you and I know about it is changing at an alarming pace. What we were taught seems to be less relevant or timely with each passing day.  How does one stay ahead or on top of what is current or useful? Additionally, just behind us is artificial intelligence, which is challenging our employment prospects. The standard response is lifelong learning.  I agree that lifelong learning is a useful defensive measure, but what might be a more effective offensive strategy?

Let’s use my area of expertise, financial accounting, as an example.  When I was learning my trade in the 70’s one could largely master most of the body of knowledge with a reasonable degree of diligence.  When I taught it, things began to change as more and more issues were raised and addressed, in an increasingly complex world.  Specialists emerged, where previously there were few areas of specialist expertise. Now that approach is falling short for the generalists and the specialists, as there is just so much information and not enough time to absorb it all.

My suggestion when confronting the challenges of the knowledge explosion and artificial intelligence is to apply our uniquely human quality of CURIOUSITY to the situation.  We need to risk being truly curious about whatever newness we are confronting.  Rather than being trained and re-trained, we must become fully engaged in the marvel of whatever new or novel learning confronts us.

To me, curiosity is the blending together of at least eight of the ten positive emotions being joy, savouring (remembering), interest, hope, amusement, inspiration, love and awe, applied to our area of expertise and life more generally.  Learning and knowledge growth is most effective when one is joyfully and actively engaged. Being curious means investing in order to grow and internally prosper. Artificial Intelligence will never be able to beat us on emotional curiosity.

Let’s use our “curiosity” advantage to our advantage.

Good Crazy

Everyone has a natural comfort zone, a range of events and behaviours where one feels at peace.  I eat almost the same breakfast every day and cycle the same routes on a regular basis. These rituals and habits are rather boring, but they work for me. 

 But where is the excitement and now of the moment?  To supplement this static existence, I seek out what I call “GOOD CRAZY”.  Good means not harmful to oneself or others, and more likely beneficial and uplifting.  Crazy suggests carefree, random, other than usual and most importantly fun.  Added together, good crazy affords immense scope to be in the moment, happy and feeling alive.

There is so much opportunity for adventure and joy in the present moment if one only step outside one’s comfort zone.  Why not pay a compliment to a colleague, buy a thoughtful gift for a friend, take a different route home or have a different breakfast?  These little tweaks to our regular patterns makes the day feel more memorable and real.

Good crazy unlocks so many chances to do wonderful things for others or oneself.  One wonders why we don’t naturally seek to do more spontaneous good.  Perhaps it is because we are on automatic pilot or just too comfortable being other than crazy. 

Some people assume that if others were to act more in the moment that might imply doing wrong or evil things.  My observation is that there is so much more privatized goodness eager to be expressed than evil.  Going more public with one’s immediate positive emotions will release much wellness.  Being good crazy is about empowering goodness, but please contain those bad crazy impulses.  

Experiment with your good crazy zone, it will likely improve your circumstances.  To slightly paraphrase Lou Reed, “Walk on the wilder side”. 

Risk a little good crazy to spice up your life.

The Genesis of My Reflections

Why did I start writing my reflections on January 2nd, 2019?  That is  a fair question.  Boredom, ego, money or feeling blessed?  I know it was  the latter. Over the course of my life there have been many people who have influenced me positively, but a few stand out in terms of these reflections. I have been blessed to meet three accidental influencers, and have had one epiphany, and I wanted to share these blessings.

The first influencer was Chris, in the early  Nineties.  Chris was a young, German, PhD candidate who seemed to be forever joyful and enthusiastic.  I was so impressed by Chris’s positive nature, and I surmised that his uplifting attitude was based on a deliberate choice: he decided he was going to have a  positive attitude, no matter what.  My take-away from Chris was that a large part of your wellness is determined by your intentions, by how you mindfully chose to feel, regardless of your circumstances.

The second influencer was Bill, in the early Noughties.  Bill was a learner that I mentored early in his career.  Bill subsequently became a very successful and influential accounting professional. Bill and I told each other that we had the best jobs in the world, given our natural disposition.  We had found our calling and had unreservedly bought into believing our employment was a complete, purposeful joy.  But what really influenced me was that Bill independently also uses the SMALLER CUP analogy.  The lesson of the smaller cup is that living out of a sense of gratitude and opportunity opens up immense possibilities of joy, excitement  and wonder.  It is about making our present moments and tomorrows feel bountiful and blessed.  It is very encouraging to meet a person who shares and affirms two of my core values.

The third influencer was Andrew, who I met in Hong Kong in 2009.  Andrew is a Christian brother who one day commented, “Johan, you just naturally (re)frame your  experiences into positive, hopeful  and joyful events.”  Andrew’s casual comment resonated with me, and for years I wondered why I  was instinctively my own positive spin doctor.  The moral of (re)framing is to train your mind to instinctively interpret your experiences in a positive, realistic and hopeful way.  Generally, the benefits of  positive (re)framing are very high, and the downside of increased optimism is extremely low.  Andrew’s influence was to inspire me to understand this reframing mindset and share it in these reflections.

The fourth and most profound influence occurred on a train somewhere in Brazil in 2007,  at the start of my 14 month epic travelogue all over the world.  For whatever reason, a short summary of my Christian faith came to me:  Let go, Let God, Let good.  If anything defines me and my disposition, it is this six word mantra.  The lesson learned is that letting go of control and letting a providential God who loves you take control will result in you being richly blessed, IF YOU LET HIM.  Restated, empower and accept goodness, and let go of selfish control and entitlement. 

For at least forty years, I have puzzled and pondered how to be enthusiastic, authentic and live life to the full.  At the very essence of my perspective on life are these four themes.  These reflections are an attempt to share the why and how of Johan and perhaps encourage you to ponder your own life reflections and lessons.

A question you may want to dwell on might be,  “Who or what defined and moulded me?”  Well worth  the ponder.

Shalom-Shalom (perfect peace)

The Golden Rule Plus

The Golden Rule wisely states:

Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

This is an excellent guideline, but can this rule become less of a maximum and more of a minimum?  For example, how about:

Do unto others AT LEAST as you would have others do unto you. 

So what? you comment: what is the intended difference?  The basic Golden Rule can occasionally sound like a quid-pro-quo, reciprocity arrangement.  It can feel like a barter arrangement or expectation management process: fair trade which is indeed equitable and useful BUT…. can we do better?

By adding “at least”, the most powerful well-being exercise is enabled, which is kindness or better still, random acts of kindness.  Doing three acts of kindness a week (preferably on the same day) will improve your well-being.  The harder you push the kindness, and the more random and anonymous it is, the more enhancing to your spirits it becomes.

Going the exact mile is easy as the road is rarely crowded. *  The second mile is generally even easier than the first.  The momentum of your kindness is already in play and the rewards for others (and yourself) actually scales up and multiples. As Matthieu Ricard notes, altruism** is one of the defining and highest of human ambitions, enabling wellness and joyfulness.  By adding, AT LEAST to the Golden Rule the bounty of kindness and compassion is brought more clearly into focus and practice.

Being kind or altruistic until it begins to bite or seem inconvenient has the wonderful quality of making our compassion and charity feel special and uplifting.  Practice doing unto others as you would have them do unto you, regularly, and then once in the while, push a little harder or further.  Like any exercise, this extra excursion strengthens your kindness muscles and make you more naturally compassionate.

*: Wayne Dryer

**: Matthieu Ricard, Altruism, The Science and Psychology of Kindness

DON’T BELIEVE OR ACT UPON EVERYTHING YOU THINK

Every day we have between ten to seventy thousand thoughts.  That a lot of thinking!!  Fortunately, these ideas are not who we are. If we reduce these thousands of thoughts to those few that we make actionable, there is still a need for caution.  Why? Because a large percentage of these thoughts are not true and largely based on conjecture, incomplete information, false assumptions or emotional fast thinking.  And other are just not helpful or constructive.

Our mind is programmed to react quickly and instinctively to uncertain or potentially threatening stimuli.  The “better safe than sorry” response was essential to survival until very recently.  It was not useful to ponder whether that danger was real or imagined.  It was better to run, seek shelter or be on guard lest the threat was real.  Yet we continue this tradition of not questioning our assumptions, sources of information or expectations and going forward on mis-truths or wrong conclusions.  Far too often what we believe is other than true.  Rather what we believe is often convenient and supports the status quo, goals or our prior prejudices.

Dan Milman noted that:  “You don’t have to control your thoughts.  You must stop letting them control you.”   Even if our thoughts are correct and complete, are they helpful or hopeful?  Just like questioning what we believe, we should also be on guard about why we believe them and whether that conclusion is going to make us a better person. 

Many of our truthful thoughts are dysfunctional and distracting.  Willpower, mindfulness and resolve needs to be applied to manage our speculative imagination and thinking.  Asking where these thoughts are taking us is useful. Are we ruminating?  Are our thoughts appealing to our better or worst nature?  Are these thoughts building us up or bring us down? 

We need to act like a principled judge and jury when we cede control of our thoughts and convert them into actions.  We should pick and choose those very few thoughts which are true, helpful, hopeful and well-being focused and let them direct our actions.