FEES OR FINES

As a Chartered Accountant I know all about income taxes.  However,  I try to look at the taxes I pay as a FEE for the PRIVILEGE of living in a compassionate society and country.*  What a blessing to live in a functioning democracy and the success it has afforded me to pursue my dreams and ambitions.  Many others see income taxes as an arbitrary FINE or PENALTY imposed by others that should be diligently avoided by whatever legitimate means.  Fussing about the tax liabilities can become their all-consuming obsession. 

 When life imposes negative consequences and setbacks, do you view these obstacles as fees or fines?  A fine is a penalty that you should avoid, whereas a fee is the price you pay in exchange for a privilege that nice or favourable.    When you get a speeding ticket, or you bang your head, is it a fine for being negligent or clumsy, or a fee that just happens while you are charging about?  You can 100% avoid traffic tickets, bumps and bruises by staying at home and wearing protective gear. Do you perceive these reversals as punishments or as a learning lesson so you can enjoy traveling about?  Or do you  just get on with life and look at your misfortunes and curveballs as learning opportunities and the fee for fun and adventure?

 The fine or fee conundrum is similar to the rights or privileges dilemma.  A wellness perspective views our circumstances largely as a fee for privileges, which invites a sense of gratitude.  A fine or rights view views our favourable circumstances as an entitlement, which would dismiss any sense of gratitude.

 You can get stuck in a ritual of trying to avoid or minimize fines and adverse outcomes or chose to enjoy your situation as the post-fine bounty of being alive. In life there is no such thing as a free lunch: every engagement is an exchange that has a cost.  Most of these costs are non-financial but rather emotional or physical, but real none-the-less.

 Seeing life through a fine paying lens can easily distract you from your present moment.  I’d rather accept the travails of life as fees incurred with lessons to be enjoyed and learned than let fines haunt my life and daily experiences. 

 I’m totally fine with fees, the more fees you pay the more life you may experience.

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 *:  For the record, I do look for opportunities to gently manage my tax liabilities, but I quickly let go and willingly pay to Caesar what is due to Caesar.

 Also, remember the more tax you pay the income you likely earn and get to keep after tax.  If you really want to reduce your income taxes to zero, take the oath of perpetual poverty and join a monastery.

ENOUGH

After over fifty years of employment with one goal of achieving financial and emotional health,  two simple questions finally came to my attention:

What is enough?

And

When have I achieved enough of this enough?

 I feel so blessed that very early in my career I diverted into lecturing and learning.  I am sure that the majority of my diligent learners who graduated more than twenty years ago have earned far more than I ever have.  I traded off compensation for job satisfaction and personal control over my daily agenda.  But did that mean that I felt I had enough? No! Being honest, only in the last five years, as I have thought about my enough need.  Finally I actually felt satisfied and felt a true sense of bounty and abundance.

 So, what is my point?  I wish I had probed more carefully what was my  definition and measure of ENOUGH.  Had I challenged myself to address my ‘enough’ quotient I would have noted it was a moving goal, which was always just around the corner.  If I had allowed for the contentment of having enough sooner, I would not have worked any less diligently, but I might have had a better mindset, with more  peace and purpose replacing the endless striving and desire for more.

 Are my expectations legitimate? Realistic? Long term in focus? Do they allow for balance in my life between my personal and professional goals? Rather than re-calibrating my needs every time I was successful, I should have defaulted to gratitude, charity and a sense of wellness. 

 Perhaps your measure and definition of ENOUGH is unrealistic.  How much of your ENOUGH need is legitimate and how much is fanciful and naïve?  Does your need allow for purpose and pleasure along the way, or is it all about deferred gratification and waiting until retirement?  Does your enough definition allow for happiness along the way? 

 An enough definition of happiness might be defined as: 

Happiness equal Results minus Expectations.

Note, it is much easier to reduce Expectations than increase Results to achieve the same level or better degree of  Happiness.  I recommend taking the easier way out to achieve an improved level of wellness.  

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WHAT IS YOUR NOW?

One of the more critical experiences of wellness is being in the present moment rather than dwelling in the past or speculating about the future.  Our past self has special skills of ruminating and regretting past transgression.  Our future self is trained to worry and anxiously anticipate what might go wrong or be less successful.  This begs the question as to what our PRESENT mindfulness is.

 Contrasts are useful for depicting the range within our emotional reactions.  For instance, I like the emotion of being amused and its opposite for me is being annoyed.  Amusement is being curious, alert and open to unexpected and delightful things that are happening to me at this present moment. Being annoyed starts with critically judging whatever you are experiencing and letting life’s imperfections overwhelm the wonder of that moment.

 What emotions do you naturally use to frame your present moment?  Do you come from wonder, curiosity and praise or is judging, desiring perfection and being critical your default reflex?  Being mindful in the present moment is a challenge.  Deliberately selecting a frame of mind can enhance and enable being in a better place.  I have experimented with various emotional adjectives and found that being AMUSED jump started my immediate moment.  Rather than having a blank canvas for the present moment, just adding a touch of amusement opened up so much grandeur and joy.  Try starting with amusement, and then change and add being annoyed.  Doesn’t everything about the moment change?

 How you frame your PRESENT is an awesome thought experiment and experience.  Maybe amusement does not work for you, so then actively seek out your preferred positive mindset. Next, play around with related feelings and add even more context around that momentary flash.  Being in the present moment is uplifting and with limited effort the present can be expanded, deepened and prolonged.  Own your NOW, and make it yours. 

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MINDFULLY QUEUEING

Is it just me, or am I spending more time in longer queues these days? Remember when getting on a flight was a 45-minute event?  Check-out lines seem to be longer and slower, even with bar codes.  And a 10-minute delay on your car journey was the exception, not the rule!  While delays have become longer and more frequent, my patience seems to have become shorter and less kindly.

 Recently I decided that my reaction to queueing was raining on my parade, and something needed to be done as the problem was not going away.  What I noted was that my annoyance reaction was very regular, escalating and predictable.  What are those emotions that swell up when I see the queue?  Taking an inventory, they included being impatient,  annoyed, frustrated, trying a short cut or switching queues (which rarely works), being judgemental, alleging incompetence and throwing in a bit of rage in for good measure.  Later on, I always felt a sense of disappointment in myself that I let the matter get the better of me.  And finally, after ventilating my frustration with others, I realized that the delay was inconsequential.

 Knowing these and other reactions were coming up when the inevitable line-up presented itself, I now try to mindfully go through these cascading feelings without actually expressing them.  Curiously and wonderfully, if I mindfully know that soon I will be angry, annoyed, judgmental and unkind these emotions seem to become less menacing or prolonged.  However, by mindfully acknowledging that I am disappointed at being the ninths (or the ninetieth) person in the queue does seem to make the delay feel shorter and helps me to avoid over-reacting.

 Logically and rationally, we know that impatience is rarely helpful.  Therefore,  allow yourself the mindful escape of imaging these emotions without actually going through them.  And the next time you are in a swelling queue, take a deep breath and acknowledge that momentary impatience without letting it get the better of you.

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GOOD CRAZY

Everyone has a natural comfort zone, a range of events and behaviours where one feels at peace.  I eat almost the same breakfast every day and listen  to same news cast most evenings.  These rituals and habits are rather boring, but they work for me. 

 But where is the excitement and now of the moment?  To supplement this static existence, I seek out what I call “GOOD CRAZY”.  Good means not harmful to oneself or others, and more likely beneficial and uplifting.  Crazy suggests carefree, random, other than usual and most importantly fun.  Added together, good crazy affords immense scope to be in the moment, happy and feeling alive.

 There is so much opportunity for adventure and joy in the present moment if one only steps outside one’s comfort zone.  Why not pay a compliment to a colleague, buy a thoughtful gift for a friend, take a different route home or have a different breakfast?  These little tweaks to our regular patterns makes the day feel more memorable and real.

 Good crazy unlocks so many chances to do wonderful things for others or oneself.  One wonders why we don’t naturally seek to do more spontaneous good.  Perhaps it is because we are on automatic pilot or just too comfortable being other than crazy. 

 Some people assume that if others were to act more in the moment that might imply doing wrong or evil things.  My observation is that there is so much more privatized goodness eager to be expressed than evil.  Going more public with one’s immediate positive emotions will release much wellness.  Being good crazy is about empowering goodness, but please contain those bad crazy impulses.  

 Experiment with your good crazy zone, it will likely improve your circumstances.  To slightly paraphrase Lou Reed, “Walk on the wilder side”. 

 Risk a little good crazy to spice up your life.

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SELF-MOTIVATED

Sandra Richter noted:

“The difference between work and play is who is making you do it.”*

For most of my career I would describe my employment arrangement as being paid to play.   How so??

First, I absolutely convinced myself that I enjoyed what I was doing . In particular, I reminded myself how fortunate I was when I was doing the least preferred aspect of my job (marking assignments).

Second, I became obsessed with being self-motivated.   I was at play, not work. I wasn’t working for the man; I was working for me. I wanted to be doing what I was doing.

Third, I set small daily goals so I could continuously achieve them. A daily to-do list of a few goals kept me focused and I regularly got the enjoyment of crossing chores off.

Finally, I forever sought out and nurtured new opportunities, which were either challenging or improved my craft. 

The opposite of being self-motivated is  being unenthusiastic, indifferent or disinterested.  These are easy mindsets to fall into and do nothing for your well-being.  As you go down this road of emotions, your present and future experiences can easily become more and more dire and unsatisfactory.

Central to converting my career into an amazing calling was the idea of being self-motivated by telling myself:  I wanted to be doing what I was doing; I actively enjoyed what I was doing, and I mindfully understood that I had to reinforce the cycle of doing and enjoying what I was doing.  This self-perpetuating cycle of being self-motivated can be applied to most things you do, whether it is mowing the lawn, doing the dishes or whatever chore you are engaged in. 

Challenge yourself to be enthusiastic, keen and energetic about whatever is before you.  Being positive is a habit which requires mindful practice and patience to mature but the wellness pay-off is immense.

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*:          The Epic of Eden: A Christian Entry into the Old Testament by Sandra L. Richter

HUMAN BEING OR HUMAN DOING

So what are you, a human being or a human doing?  To improve wellness should you focus on being or doing? Certainly sounds like there is a difference and it is more than semantics. 

A human doing would likely be DOING; busy, active, focusing on the immediate task and what to do next. Worrying, anxious, perhaps in the flow, but only marginally, in what might be a mindful or joyful moment.  The future or past often overwhelms the present moment.

And the human being would likely be BEING; existing mindfully in the moment, NOW, feeling blessed, calm and at peace.  Yes, there is a future and a past, but now is NOW, the moment matters.

It feels like BEING is a noun state of existence and DOING is a verb state of existence.  One of the biggest challenge to wellness and peace is to find and be in a BEING state of mind regularly and profoundly; society values so highly the DOING state of mind that you forget to BE in the here and NOW.  How many times have you heard, “Smell the coffee.” or “Life is about the journey, not the destination.” 

Being active and engaged is absolutely essential and valuable, but always acting in a state of action denies the present moment its due respect and purpose.  Regularly taking time out to observe your situation and circumstance, to pause and see the glory of your present moment; to be thankful; to reflect on your very existence; to seek out something wonderful, unique, curious, special and worthy of sharing.

Recently I observed the doing versus being dilemma.  A friend went on a hike to the top of a hill with a splendid view of Rhossili beach.  My friend,  while observing the view, was mindfully anxious of the decent and fretted about the way down.  This somewhat diminished the grandeur of the amazing panorama display below us.  She eventually got into the BEING moment and let go of the DOING future scramble down and found peace and awe (and a selfie moment).

Actively and purposely doing the act of BEING is what makes you a human being and lets you escape the endless pursuit of activity and what to do next. 

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The Pleasure or Wellness Decision Rule

So often in life we have difficult decisions or trade-offs to make. We agonize over whether or not to accept a job offer, buy that new car we have been thinking about, accept that invitation to a party, or even eat that tasty pastry. Yes or No? We can go back and forth.

One useful decision rule might be whether the YES response would bring you or I pleasure or well-being. On the one hand, pleasure is immediate, momentary, and gives one joy right now. Conversely, well-being is sustained and gives you less immediate joy, but more wellness in the future.  Saying NO may mean denying immediate pleasure in favour of longer term well-being. 

When you choose pleasure rather than wellness, you should be mindful of the consequences of that immediate hit of ecstasy.  You need to weigh that against the more important goal of a life of wellness.  Often a dose of pleasure is what you need to relax or enjoy the present moment.  Forever pursuing wellness can get trying, so manage the pleasure versus wellness trade-off carefully and mindfully. 

For those choices which are of limited consequence, sure, it’s fine to lean towards pleasure, but as soon the consequences can become serious, wellness MUST prevail.  Making better trade-offs and living within constraints is a major part of improved well-being.

Mindfully saying YES to wellness and NO to pleasure is a useful re-framing exercise and will take the stress out of many of the choices you have to make. Deferring gratification is similar to delaying pleasure and reaping well-being; a nobler place to be in the longer run.

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For further reading:  The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, Page 35

COMPASSION?!?

The idea of compassion has long intrigued me.  When I think of some of the Nobel Peace Prize winners (for example Mother Teresa, Nelson Mandela, the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Malala Yousafzai), I recognize compassion in action but I still do not know how I can be better at being compassionate. 

Looking up compassion in the dictionary (sympathetic consciousness for others' distress, together with a desire to alleviate it [Webster] or sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others [Oxford]) was helpful, but still did not connect with me, as it sounded so abstract. 

Finally, I read the wonderful and inspiring book “The Book of Joy” by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu and the simplest and most concise summary of compassion was provided, being:

Can I help?      

or     

How can I help?

Now, looking back at the Nobel Peace Prize winners I was able to identify the common theme to their character, a selfless willingness to help others, especially when the odds were stacked against them.

Regularly pondering how you can help others in your community or the world at large is an excellent step forward in practicing compassion. Science has found that compassion is contagious; when one is compassionate, others note the kindness and are also inclined to be equally caring - a ripple effect often expands outwards and multiples.

Compassion is the compliment to gratitude: combining an attitude of gratitude with “How can I help?” will make the world a better place.

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YOUR EXPLANATORY STYLE

Imagine the scene: something noteworthy happens to you, evoking an emotional reaction, and later that day you describe the event to a friend.  The way you explain this event goes a long way to summarizing your state of well-being, and how you view your circumstances in terms of being an optimist or pessimist.

One way of looking at optimism and pessimism is as different explanatory styles. An explanatory style means the way we explain our experiences or the events which happen to us. Research has found that optimists and pessimists have different explanatory styles.

Optimists attribute the cause of NEGATIVE events and experiences to external, specific,  and transient factors.  Pessimists do the opposite; they attribute the cause of bad events to internal, global and permanent factors. Interestingly, these positions are reversed when we explain POSITIVE events and experiences. Optimists think about good outcomes as being personal, permanent, and pervasive, whereas pessimists think the opposite (external, specific, and transient).*

But is this the end of the story for a pessimist? No!

Intentionally, you can challenge your pessimistic summary of events and experiences by changing one’s explanatory style.  One highly effective way of becoming more optimistic is to monitor your explanatory style and challenge the negative explanations you make. Psychologists call this disputing.  

It may sound pompous or naïve that when something wonderful occurs, do you take credit for it and presume it to be the new normal?  Or when things go poorly, do you assume that is it not your fault and an exception?  Or would you rather assume it is your fault, pervasive and permanent? Neither spin is the whole picture or anymore truthful.  But which framing perspective is more likely to make your life and situation more serene and well?

Dare to be intentionally hopeful, modestly proud, and grateful for your blessings.  Let go of ruminating about life’s missteps and taking them personally, assuming they will persist.  Being an optimist won’t necessarily change your life, but it will significantly improve how you experience your life. And isn’t that one of the goals of improved well-being.

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*: A Practical Guide to Positive Psychology: Achieve Lasting Happiness, Bridget Grenville-Cleave

MUST, SHOULD OR LETTING GO

“People SHOULD be polite and queue up properly!”, “People MUST NOT throw their litter carelessly about!”, “That person SHOULD NOT speak so loudly!”  You are totally right, but where is all this should, must and righteous disappointment getting you? Certainly to a less than joyful journey of life and perhaps an earlier grave.  Stressing about the lack of correct and more thoughtful behavior of others is such an easy TRAP to get into.  You are right, they are wrong but at the end of the day that other person likely is not going to change and more likely is not aware of your fussing and complaining.

An important ingredient of well-being is tolerance; letting go of the shortfalls of others (and yourself).  Letting go means letting go of MUST and SHOULD and replacing them with MIGHT, PERHAPS and better still, WHY DO I CARE or IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. 

Clearly there are legal and moral imperatives where MUST or SHOULD totally prevails, but don’t become judge and jury unless these clear lines of acceptable conduct are crossed. Protest accordingly and assist in the enforcement of prescribed laws.  But let go of policing the small stuff, just ensure that you are acting in accordance with your values.

Tolerance and letting go are empowering and uplifting.  Not sweating the small stuff takes a lot off your emotional and stress workload.  Next time you see someone cutting in line, littering, being too loud or whatever is your issue, consider whether your fretting is getting you anywhere or likely to change the situation.

Letting go, meaning letting go. Re-focus your intolerance with an awareness of all the good that is going on around you which you were too busy ignoring. 

99+% of what is going around you is actually going perfectly well and in an orderly fashion.  Don’t let go of that awesomeness.

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Significance

There is a story about Mother Teresa (Noble Peace Prize 1979) being on an airplane and sitting next to a passenger who was extolling his amazing achievements; CEO of a huge company, possessions, fame, network of influential business leaders and fortune.  You know and can imagine the person.  He was unaware that the listener was Mother Teresa. 

Mother Teresa finally interrupted the gentleman by asking a simple question:  “What have you done that is significant?”  Despite his career highs; the thousands of adoring shareholders, the countless subordinates and employees and the awesome salary, he was silenced, deflated and probably disappointed or embarrassed. But where was his significance agenda? There is a natural tendency to pursue success and forget or negate significance.  Urgency overwhelms purpose, as ever larger survival urges overwhelm longer term wellness. 

Along your life journey regularly ask if there are opportunities for significance and higher purpose in your daily actions.  Start by thinking small and locally; do a random act of kindness, volunteer, put yourself out to help someone else, mentor a subordinate - seek simple service gestures, as these opportunities are countless.

One of the more powerful tools or habits that brings a sense of well-being and contentment is serving others.  It will improve your spirits, your local community and your world view.

Significance, and the purpose it engenders, encourages a cycle of improved wellness and wholeness. Significance encourages joy to flourish around and within you.  Start to look for significance opportunities, and you will find they are everywhere. 

Balance your life and career so you both do well (personal rewards) but also do good (benefit others).  “Doing good” is your significance agenda and challenge.

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WE ARE NOT OUR THOUGHTS

Here’s a frightening thought and fact - the average human has between 12,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day! Or between 500 and 3,000 per hour.  85% of our thought are negative, and 95% are repetitive (as in we had the same thought yesterday and again and again).

I used to think that me and my thoughts were the same and I was my thoughts.  Well, pick any number between 12 and 70 thousand thoughts per day, does that assumption sound reasonable?  Not really.  Our thoughts are just that, a less controllable response that is a reaction, observation, conjecture or feeling that comes out of the blue and goes nowhere.  Picking up on this fact there are two important insights.

First, whereas we cannot effectively or directly control our immediate thoughts, we are not helpless or hopeless.  I am my own THOUGHT POLICE!  When you watch a violent or disturbing movie, read about untoward events, willingly associate with troublesome individuals and guess what – these inputs become part of our thoughts and thought patterns.  Similarly if you mindfully seek out constructive and joyful circumstances then the frequency of unwelcome thoughts decreases and positive thoughts become more pronounced.

Second, whereas we are not our thoughts, we are our actions.  What you do is a reflection of who you are.  Watch your thoughts and note how some become actionable and others not.  What is that trigger between thought and action.  Observe it carefully.  Too often the trigger is the trade-off and tension between immediate pleasure and longer term and more permanent wellness.  Consider what urges you internally debate as you put the thought into a deed. Or what stops you from acting out a consider thought. Are you OK with these action monitors?

Taming so many thoughts is daunting assignment.  However, one can over time turn the tide positively by watching and managing your thought input diet.  Please actively monitor the medias (social, visual, print, audio) and ask whether this is a helpful or too many of the wrong thought calories. Healthier thoughts need healthier inputs and stimuli.

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AMUSEMENT

Amusement is one of the ten recognized positive emotions* (along with: Gratitude, Hope, Joy, Love, Pride, Serenity, Awe, Inspiration and Interest ). I often seem to overlook or forget this wellness experience.  Amusement in this context is defined as:  

Something non-threatening, non-serious , that unexpectantly happens that makes you laugh.  A joyful surprise.*

Has the world become too sophisticated and sanitized, forgetting to embrace such an innocent and almost naïve feeling?  In a cynical age, it isn’t very cool to be amused by small things: being dark, moody and rather above such things gets you far more kudos in this world. Perhaps our expectations and standards about what will surprise us or make us laugh have become too high and demanding.  What happened to just being curious, light-hearted, and alive in the present moment? 

 Amusement is an important emotion as it connects us to others: it is contagious. The non-threatening, non-serious, unexpectant nature of amusement creates a safe, welcoming space for improved social engagement.

 Amusement also entails a willingness to be joyfully surprised.  It requires us to drop our judgemental, defensive guard.  Just maybe things are going well, and we don’t want to admit it. Embracing awe and wonder in a proactive manner empowers the other nine positive emotions to come into their own.  

 Unfortunately, our surprise potential may have become jaded.  The daily news cycle where mis-fortune and mis-justice is “praised” and normalized has dulled our senses to beautiful things and experiences.  Amusement and surprise are admittedly uninteresting and not newsworthy, but enormously real and personal. Amusement, like awe and serenity, requires humility and a willingness to accept and embrace our smallness and insignificance.  And that is one of the most essential steps to mindful wellness.

There are so many opportunities to be mindfully amused and joyfully surprised, all within easy reach, if you are willing to risk being in the awesome present moment.

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*: Positivity by Barbara Fredrickson

I MAKE IT A HABIT TO BE……

Habits are a powerful tool to help (or undermine) your wellbeing.  A habit can be used as a vehicle to change your attitudes and improve your circumstances.  An effective way to program your mind is to complete the mantra: 

I make it a habit to be …………….*

 The missing last word is the idea or attitude you want to program into your daily rituals and awareness.  You might add: 

happy,  joyful, patient, grateful, loving

or whatever intention speaks to you

To make this habit become the more likely default you  should chose a specific attitude and stick with it for a very long time.  Eventually this idea will become your more automatic state of mindfulness.  Make this phrase, with your personalized intention, the first semi-conscious thought as you awake.  Those precious waking moments do set the tone of the day.

 Note, this habit ritual can also work against you, if you unconsciously select a negative or unhelpful thought to complete the above phrase.  It is easy to default to:

fearful, angry, impatient, overwhelmed, melancholy

 and not surprisingly these troubling thoughts can set your day in motion, but in a less hopeful direction.

The adjective that I have used for years, is HAPPY.  Consider the phrase:

I make it a habit to be HAPPY.

 As I wake up, I remind myself that I have chosen to be HAPPY.  I will choose to confront the early minutes of each day with as much HAPPINESS as I can muster.  Once the momentum has been put into action, the HAPPY equilibrium is set for the day.  It is accepted that  there will be setbacks, but HAPPY becomes the prevailing mindful state.   

 Choose your intentional thoughts and turn them into habits. 

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*: Inspired by a quote and thoughts from "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale, 1952

FEAR

As I reminisce about 2021, the biggest challenge to my wellness was how to deal with fear.  Fear was everywhere, both within and outside of me. 

All around the world governments used different public policies to increase compliance with Covid restrictions. Many of these were based on inducing fear and anxiety in us to ensure our compliance. For example, by describing the idea of keeping distance between one another as ‘social’ distancing rather than ‘physical’ distancing implied that to be social was wrong. If repeated often enough, it did increase compliance, but it has re-wired our mindsets in the process. Result, less Covid, but also less human interaction. Loneliness and mental health issues now abound. When is the trade-off between the remedy and the condition going to change?  There is a fear tipping point!

Fear works, but it is not a good long term survival strategy.  Our fight or flight nature was designed millions of years ago to deal with significant dangers we faced in a few seconds, not almost two years.  So now as 2021 comes to an end, what are you going to do with your fears in 2022?  There are three fear strategies you can implement, being to remain as fearful as you are now, become more fearful or become less fearful.  Not addressing fearfulness suggests the current steady state; you cannot avoid this dilemma.

I am absolutely going to dial down anxiousness to below pre-2020 levels and use the last two years as a learning experience.  Let’s not waste this crisis; let’s see what can be learned from Covid.  First, I learned from personal experience and observation that being fearful, anxious and suspicious of others is enormously dysfunctional.  A society re-programmed to be fearful is hollow, judgmental and not a lot of fun.  Fear blocks out compassion; letting go of fear allows for empathy, compassion and love.  I quickly noticed that being less busy is rather calming.  Seeing fewer people but appreciating them more was an important lesson.  Not watching the late evening news does improve my sleep and dreams.  Being outside and going for walks is part of my new diet. Slowing down allows for time to focus on our inward spiritual journey, a source of awesome shalom.  I moved from a ‘live to work or work to live’ perspective to a ’live to live’ view; where I don’t define myself by what I do to the same extent as before.

Regardless of your learned outcomes for Covid, I suggest that looking at your fears as you enter 2022 is a good place to start.  Living without fearfulness, distrust and anxiety is much better for you and for others.  Looking for the silver lining of the Covid cloud can only make 2022 that much more exciting and hopeful.

May you be richly and gratefully blessed in 2022.

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YOUR SUB-CONCIOUS MIND

I am reading a wonderful book (The Power of Your Sub-Conscious Mind  by Joseph Murphy, 1963) about mindfulness and wellness, as described in early 1960’s terminology and thinking.   Nowhere is mindfulness or wellness mentioned, but they are forever just below the surface. The author’s  perspective is naively enlightening by today’s scientific standards.  Fifty plus years later we talk about fast and slow thinking, fixed and growth mindsets, positive psychology, the rationale and irrational mind, positive emotions and framing our intentions. Murphy was on to all this long ago, but in a more concise manner. 

 What is refreshing about the book is its proud, clear and simple instructions.  The author encourages us to challenge our sub-conscious mind’s tendency to undermine our success and wellbeing.  Our conscious mind can control and influence our sub-conscious mind if we accept the challenge.  Murphy suggested intentional thinking and affirmations, which are managed and promoted by our conscious mind, can positively transform our circumstances. He talks about faith and belief as part of our self-improvement strategy.  If you don’t have a sincere faith in your aspirations, then the improved state-of-being is not going to happen.  Additionally, adding a firm belief that it is possible and acting as though the change has occurred is essential.  Now we say,” Fake it until you make it”, isn’t that similar?  Sometimes we make things too complicated and over-think things.  Second guessing or not fully buying into your hopes and dreams can lead to disappointment.  Allowing for and feeding dis-appointment makes failure the most likely outcome, as our sub-conscious mind will default to this option.

 Murphy suggests that what is central to our wellness is that our conscious and sub-conscious minds collaborate, with the conscious mind setting and controlling the agenda.  Our rational, conscious mind is always involved in our wellbeing, either passively or actively engaged.  By default, if our aware self is not in charge, then our automatic subliminal self is running the show, which often has less constructive results.  As our sub-conscious mind is focused on immediate survival, pleasure, the easiest way out and fight or flight reactions, that is not the best auto-pilot to have.

 Research over the past fifty years  has increased our understanding of wellness and mindfulness.  However, we are at our peril if we dismiss the simplicity of Murphy’s suggestion of the role and importance of our sub-conscious mind,  faith and belief, in improving our wellbeing.  An interesting journey down memory lane if you have the time to read it. 

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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PRAISING OTHERS

Praising others, and being praised by others, improves our well-being.  I was not aware until recently that there is hard science* confirming this. Research can now give advice on how to make praise more effective and reduce its potential unhelpful side effects. Many a primary school teacher likely knows this: 

It is more effective and constructive to praise a learner’s effort than the result of their effort.

But I’m not  primary teacher, so I found this suggestion profound, and certainly true for myself.  If someone praises my finished product, yes it does feel good, but the half-life of the compliment is short.  When the effort, skill, diligence, problem solving or determination is acknowledged, not only do I feel pleased, but a more subtle pride ensues which lingers for a long time.  The effort that created the successful outcome can be replicated in other circumstances and endeavors – it is the skill that is transferable, rather than the content. Effort based praise empowers transferable skills. Focusing too much on the result of the effort can undermine the willingness to try again, and too much praise can backfire if handed out too freely.

Praise works both ways, for the person being honored and the person doing the honoring to feel more joyful. Why, despite its wellness benefit, do we seem to largely reserve praise for the young and by adulthood, give it out only occasionally?  We seem to have replaced praise with criticism: being judgmental instead as if those concerned should know better.  Is it because it takes more to impress us? Are we reluctant to see excellence? Regardless, rationing praise and reserving it for the young isn’t helpful or useful.

If effort is the catalyst for successful outcomes, perhaps it is time to re-visit and acknowledge the successful actions of others, including our peers.  It might be helpful to get into the habit of lightening up our expectations and admiring other’s efforts more.
Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: “Self-discipline Outdoes IQ in Predicting Academic Performance of Adolescents” , Duckworth, A.L. and M. Seligman, Psychological Science 16 (2005): 939-44

“Praise for Intelligence Can Undermine Children’s Motivation and Performance”, Mueller, C.M. and C.S. Dweck, J Personal and Social Psychology, 75, no.1 (1998); 33-52

ENERGY ADDICTION

Humans are unique in that we are the only species that can harness and take advantage of energy. Other species only derive energy from the calories they digest.  It all started a few million years ago, when by a combination of luck and ingenuity, we figured out how to start and use fire to prepare food (cooked food acts as an external stomach and increases the number of calories we can extract from most otherwise raw food). Fire also provided security at night from predators, moved us away from tropical areas and protected us from the elements.  From this simple energy advantage, humans now utilize 26 times* our natural ability in terms of energy consumption. Most of this improvement has been in the last fifty years. Fire, wind, solar, nuclear, tidal and fossil fuel power have become sources of energy. We can do so much more as most of the “heavy lifting” is done using externalized energy sources. What a Pandora’s box of opportunity this has afforded.* 

 So, what does this have to do with well-stillness and wellness?  A little and a lot.  The little is to be in awe of how ingenious humans are and how far this energy advantage has benefited us.  The bigger issue is to note our energy addiction has become almost chronic and will be very harmful for the wellness of our descendants, especially those not yet born.  We are addicted to energy, using more and more and becoming lazier, heavier, greedier and generally not any more content.

 This reflection is not about being greener or making our energy footprint smaller, but rather looking within and pondering our energy craving.  What is driving this desire?  The solution is not improved energy efficiency, but rather better energy effectiveness.  What are these needs that are energy dependent? Energy consumption has become part of the solution to meeting our social needs.  Social media has indeed increased our connectivity but reduced the depth and sincerity of our engagements and interaction.  Things may be faster, bigger, easier and nearer because of energy improvements, but are we meeting or missing our wellness needs? 

 Being kind, thoughtful, patient, loving and tolerant requires little or no calories.  These emotions and actions will have enormous payback and incline us to be more mindful of climate change.  Put otherwise, solar and wind power without an improvement in overall wellness may win the battle, but not the war for well-stillness and serenity.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: Transcendence: How Humans Evolved through Fire, Language, Beauty, and Time by Gaia Vince

THE ORGANIZED MIND*

After reading  The Organized Mind,* what did I learn?  Not a lot, unfortunately, but can I share a few simple truths from this well-researched text on brain science? 

 Mental health and wellness all rely on a healthier and happier brain.  Ignoring brain wellness will impair your well-being.

 Not surprisingly, our brain is lazy and is looking for easy solutions and rules to make its job less stressful, yet successful.  Our successful brain is largely designed for the hunting and gathering activities of our primate fore-parents of 50,000 plus years ago. Three things mattered then: survival, using the least amount of calories possible and passing on the genes to the next generation.  Likely your goals are a little more aspirational, but our brain functions largely according to this simplistic set of guiding principles.

 Our brain really does not like stress: over-complexity seriously undermines its effectiveness and efficiency. Where possible outsource (externalize) memory or attention. We really do have a one track mind: multitasking and multi-attention is an impossibility.  Trying to do or remember several things simultaneously puts the brain into alarm mode.  The solution is simple.  Prioritized lists  solve most of these stresses to the brain.  By writing something down, the brain does not have to remember it, and by prioritizing the list the need to multi-task is materially reduced. The book and research suggest a simple prioritization scheme: Do it, Delegate it, Defer it, or Drop it It took over fifty pages to provide the science behind these essential and obvious observations!

 The most interesting conclusions in the book were about sleep.  A tired brain is problematic and often unhelpful.  Not getting your rapid eye movement (REM)  sleep can have serious negative consequences.  For best results you need 1.5 hours of REM per night.  What was interesting is that you cannot cram or double up on REM sleep.  If you don’t get your dose one night, you cannot make it up the next evening.  Sleeping in doesn’t recover the deficit or build a surplus.  The most important strategy was to get into a regular sleeping schedule of 8 hours (+/- 1 hour) a day: neither over nor under sleeping alters your underlying REM diet.  Alcohol and drugs interfere with REM: you may fall asleep quicker, but your REM could be on hold.

 A healthier brain does not guarantee wellbeing, but an ill brain certainly reduces it.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: The Organized Mind, Thinking Straight in the Age of Information Overload by Daniel Levitin