WHERE SHOULD I START?

So many times I have had a sense of feeling overwhelmed, not knowing what to do next or how.  And then I remember one of the more clever song lines from of all places, the Sound of Music!  Julie Andrews sang:

  “Let start at the very beginning - a very good place to start.”

 I learned this lesson on the first day of my professional career, when I was given a task for which I had no training (and a charge out rate of $16/hour, which was a lot of money in those days).  I spend the rest of that day and the start of the following day just puzzled and totally overwhelmed.  And then it dawned on me what the problem was: I did not know where to start.  So I started at what was the obvious first step. I have seen the same challenge countless times when students complete exams: they don’t know where to begin an exam question.

 Acknowledging that one does not know where to start is very helpful when it comes to problem solving.  So often we start in the middle or near the end of the solution process, only to backtrack, go sideways and finally come up with a mediocre conclusion. 

 Mindfully pausing, carefully defining the challenge, admitting to yourself you are lost and deliberately planning a way forward, can seem so unnatural.  But it works!! Eventually seeking out the origin of the problem and an organized sequential path forward might become your pattern of problem solving and decision making.

 Pausing and planning is a very efficient and effective strategy. Carefully defining the first few steps in the solution process works very well.  Then check the task regularly to see whether you seem to be on the correct path.

  Starting at the beginning is a very good place to start.

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RUNNING FASTER or FURTHER?

When you run alone you, you run fast. But when you run together, you run further and more joyfully**. 

 Often going it alone is faster and more convenient, but does it feel better?  Doing things collaboratively can be awkward and slower, but doesn’t it feel more soulful and inclusive?

 Having been a lecturer for over thirty years, one of the most noticeable changes in the classroom culture is the focus on teamwork and co-operation.  Calling one’s colleague a team mate, doing things as groups, seeking out the quiet one, looking for input from many sources – these are just some of the improvements I can see from the more solo learning environment of my youth.  Observing from the outside, I notice a sincere and organic group learning ethos. What an impressive change! 

 I was reading about one of the most challenging sporting events around: the 26.2 mile marathon. This October, Eliud Kipchoge will attempt an amazing feat in London, trying to break the 120 minute barrier. What really struck me was that he was going to have many pace runners who would join him for short stretches and then retire.  This companionship would motivate, calibrate and rejuvenate him.  Clearly, even for marathon running, running together enables you to run more purposefully and joyfully.

 Is life about going faster or further? Is it about being first, or is it about the process as much as the destination? 

 Wellness is a process, not a destination; if you are solely focused on the end result, the actual reward will be short-lived and quickly forgotten.  Remember to err on the side of joyful and savouring experiences over efficiency, rewards or awards.  Seek out opportunities to do things with others.

 **:  Thank you my dear friend Joseph Pereira for this wonderful quote

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MEDITATION

A prominent psychiatrist (Jonathan Haidt) noted that there are essentially three ways to change one’s mind and mental health: counselling (using proven techniques like Cognitive Behavioral Therapy), medication (using drugs like Prozac), or meditation.**  If one reviews the literature about positive psychology, there is a broad consensus that meditation is an excellent way to improve one’s mental health, and indeed, many religions encourage meditative practices.

I remember when I first tried Transcendental Meditation (TM) in 1972 it was almost a cult ritual, full of mystery, rules, protocols and DON’Ts (and cost $25).  I stopped soon enough, as it was so demanding, inflexible and prescriptive.  Last year I gave meditation a second go (for free), and it was so much easier to get started – there is so much literature around about mindfulness, including many exemplar meditations online, that it was easier to find practices that spoke to me. The MBSR course (Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction) has some excellent materials available, and these courses are widely run across many parts of the world, being non-religious in their approach.  This time I stuck with meditation.  If I lost concentration I was gentle encouraged to re-focus and continue, which I have.  After 66 habit-forming days, the pattern of chilling out continues.

So what are some of my observations about the benefits of meditation? The first is that it encourages me to pause and re-frame my thoughts when times are anxious or tense.  Rather than fight or flight, I PAUSE and eventually do neither.  Being calmer is easier.  It gives my mind a chance to relax, which improves problem solving, planning, and creativity. I have a chance to observe my thought patterns, which are often pretty fixed and recurring, in a non-judgemental way, rather than always being at the mercy of my reactions. Despite taking time out of my day, at the end of the day I am more relaxed. I something feel a little self-conscious when asking for some time to chill out, but other than that, the benefits far outweigh the constraints on my time.

Learning to meditate is easy and convenient, requiring as little as 10 minutes a day.  A useful link to learn the breathing meditation technique is (sorry about the short ad you can skip at the start):

   https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mMMerxh_12U  

Be kind to yourself as you will lose concentration frequently, but with some practice you will come up with your own preferred meditation practices and hopefully, see some real benefits.

**:  The Happiness Hypothesis, Jonathan Haidt, page 43

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THE EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN MONEY AND WELLNESS

Does money buy wellness?  We assume the answer is yes, but is it?  Regularly we read of wealthy people destroying their lives despite their riches.  We fantasize that were we a little richer, life would be awesome forever.  We work tirelessly for a financial reward, assuming that just around the corner lies wellness and bliss. 

Two of the more respected researchers ** on wellness investigated the money – wellness dilemma and below are their conclusions.

“Research does suggest there is a relationship between money and wellness.  At very low levels of earnings, money does improve overall wellness and life satisfaction.  However, we can say that the research on this topic tells us that it is generally good for your happiness to have money, but toxic to your happiness to want money too much.  A high income can help happiness, but is no sure path to it.  Therefore, readers must determine the motives underlying their desire for money, and not sacrifice too much in the pursuit of wealth.  It is important not only to spend money wisely, but to earn it wisely as well."

“That is, although money and happiness are linked, the effect of money on happiness is often not large.  Income appears to buy happiness, but the exchange rate isn’t great.  Extra dollars often amount to modest gains in happiness.”

A phenomena called the ‘Easterlin paradox’ notes that over the past fifty years or more, per capital income adjusted for inflation has more than doubled, but measures of personal happiness in the West have remained constant at 30%, meaning that about 30% of the population would describe themselves as happy.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like excellent news to me. This empowers me to seek other means to improve my well-being besides money, and focus my time and attention on more effective wellness improvement strategies.

**: Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener

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HESITATION AND THE FIVE SECOND RULE

Who doesn’t hesitate at least occasionally, if not often?  While in a warm shower, who wants to get out?  A few more minutes in bed?

“I should phone so and so.” “I should start the painting”.  We have all been there a hundred times. Joseph Addison wrote the often quoted line, “He who hesitates is lost,” yet we persist in our inability to move on or engage.

Hesitation is a combination of reluctance, fear and pleasure (short term,) prevailing over wellness (long term).  Hesitation is costly not only in lost time, but more importantly opportunities foregone.

One day I accidentally came across the simplest, most effective and cheapest solution to the hesitation dilemma.  Mel Robbins coined The 5 Second Rule* and my, does it work.  When you are in one of those hesitation situations you simply say,

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO”

and you enact whatever you are delaying, fearful of, or debating.  Get out of the shower, bed, say hello, leave or whatever.  Mel got the idea from watching a rocket launch where they say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, LIFTOFF and so she launched her own career as a motivational speaker on overcoming hesitation. Why 5 to 1, not 1 to 5?  That is part of the success formula, as counting up has no limit but counting down does hit a limit, and you have no alternative but to go.

I have shared this effective remedy with others and it really works.  Soon you appreciate that over thinking, stopping, and second guessing yourself are just defense strategies to avoid your current situation.  And then you learn that whatever you are reluctant to do was actually not that bad – you just have to get started sometimes – and that is the hardest bit.

I heartily recommend the video link below for more inspiration:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSn-L9IXbOY

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO  and click the link above (I dare you).

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JEALOUSY

In the early ‘90s I travelled about China and learned a curious term the Chinese had for jealousy.  I was told the Chinese sometimes called it “red-eye disease**”. China was in the early stages of its amazing economic transformation, but there were signs already of what economic prosperity could do the social fabric of a country.  Just below the surface lurked envy and jealousy of the more fortunate.  Back then in China having an electric fan, a fridge or a foreign made TV were top of the list of objects most envied and displayed in one’s home.

In the West, a similar phenomenon is rampant and thriving, only here we call envy the “green eyed monster”. Consumerism, materialism, designer brands and the celebrity culture all promote cravings for what one does not have, and a jealousy of those who HAVE IT, whatever it is.  Advertising and social media aim to make us mindful of what is missing in our lives, telling us if we only had “X” then we would be happy.

Mark Twain noted that “comparison is the death of joy,” as the act of comparing generally focuses our minds on what we do not have, rather than what we possess already.  Very likely anyone reading this reflection is in the top 5% or better of the world population in terms of income, possessions, education, health and wealth, and yet we still can desire more, without considering our very good fortune.

The most effective key to well-being is an attitude of gratitude, the very opposite of jealousy.  Rather than having a half full or empty glass, a smaller glass is the best antidote to red-eye disease, and it is free and immune to marketing.

**: 眼红 is a Chinese slang that is used to describe someone who is jealous of another person who is better off than oneself.

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Fake it Till you Make it

I see this regularly when I teach, a students who decided that the subject, instructor and/or university is terrible.  No amount of encouragement or humour will move the learner from this determined belief.  Guess what, from their perspective the results bare out their pre-conceptions, they unhappily labour at the subject matter and end up doing less well and it was all because the subject or whatever was terrible.

Fortunately, I also see others who acknowledge that the subject matter or instructor leaves much to be desired but soldiers on but with a different perspective.  They have decided to reframe the situation and initially pretend that the subject matter or task is intriguing and engaging.  Slowly the course or experience becomes enjoyable and the results are acceptable and worthwhile.

When I am in many encounters I have at least two choices.  First, do I perceive it positively or negatively?  Secondly, how much effort will I have to exert to convince myself that indeed it is a joyful undertaking?  How much faking will it take to convince (fool) myself that this moment and experience is at least okay and perhaps wonderful?

If one waits for evidence to convince oneself that the present moment is grand, it is very likely that most of those moments and NOW will be spent waiting, being less engaged and disappointed.  Consider carefully, if there is no realistic alternative to your present moment.  If there is no Plan B but only the current Plan A, than fake it till you make Plan A awesome or at least bearable.  If there is a Plan B, either take it and actively start faking it that this is ideal or totally drop Plan B and make Plan A your joy present moment.

Research shows that mind over matter, convincing yourself that what is your present moment is ideal is very helpful and does work. Fake it till you make it may initially seek to “fool” you but you may be a fool not to actively try it.

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MUST, SHOULD OR LETTING GO

“People SHOULD be polite and queue up properly!”, “People MUST NOT throw their litter carelessly about!”, “That person SHOULD NOT speak so loudly!”  You are totally right, but where is all this should, must and righteous disappointment getting you? Certainly to a less than joyful journey of life and perhaps an earlier grave.  Stressing about the lack of correct and more thoughtful behavior of others is such an easy TRAP to get into.  You are right, they are wrong but at the end of the day that other person likely is not going to change and more likely is not aware of your fussing and complaining.

An important ingredient of well-being is tolerance; letting go of the shortfalls of others (and yourself).  Letting go means letting go of MUST and SHOULD and replacing them with MIGHT, PERHAPS and better still, WHY DO I CARE or IT’S NONE OF MY BUSINESS. 

Clearly there are legal and moral imperatives where MUST or SHOULD totally prevails, but don’t become judge and jury unless these clear lines of acceptable conduct are crossed. Protest accordingly and assist in the enforcement of prescribed laws.  But let go of policing the small stuff, just ensure that you are acting in accordance with your values.

Tolerance and letting go are empowering and uplifting.  Not sweating the small stuff takes a lot off your emotional and stress workload.  Next time you see someone cutting in line, littering, being too loud or whatever is your issue, consider whether your fretting is getting you anywhere or likely to change the situation.

Letting go, meaning letting go. Re-focus your intolerance with an awareness of all the good that is going on around you which you were too busy ignoring.  99% of what is going around you is actually going perfectly well and in an orderly fashion.  Don’t let go of that awesomeness.

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ASK YOUR FRIENDS WHO YOU ARE

Often we are the last one to really know what is going on in our life. We may be sad, lost, less fit or a chore to be around but we don’t really know or believe it.  But our friends and associates certainly do.

One especially useful time to involve others in your journey is when you are making career, retirement or finding our purpose dilemmas.  We think we know what we like or want but by design we are biased and subjective.  Your friend may be biased in that they like you but more importantly they see you as you are and behave. What they see is your strengths and weakness as they have had to adjust and accept them.  Friends see what you are better or worse at because they can see how others reacted to your actions.

Bob Buford* described the process of discovering who you are by asking friends as seismic testing; where you allow others to drill into your personality and tell you what they observe and have discovered.  These other set of eyes and hearts can be especially telling.  Remembering these are friends and they are looking out for your well-being, they are certain to focus more on your abilities and steer you away from folly.  Their precise insights may confirm or refute your plans, but at the very less their comments should be considered carefully.

Wonderfully, personal seismic testing let you know how others observe the consequences of your actions. 

Asking questions such as “What do you (your friend):

“think I am especially effective (ineffective) at?”

“observe from the reactions of others that I do well (poorly)?”

“consider to be some of my more useful (weak) technical skills?”

“think I would be especially good at doing?”

“recommend would be the wisest new skill I develop to master my strengths (or tame my weaknesses)?”

“wish I would just stop doing as it is especially annoying to others?”

Asking close friends how you actually come across is useful advice when you are looking for direction and purpose.  They likely know a lot more about you than you imagine.  And do listen carefully to what they say and observe, it may be positively inspiring.

*Half Time, Moving from Success to Signifance by Bob Buford

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We are NOT our Thoughts

Here’s a frightening thought and fact - the average human has between 12,000 and 70,000 thoughts per day! Or between 500 and 3,000 per hour.  85% of our thought are negative, and 95% are repetitive (as in we had the same thought yesterday and again and again).

I used to think that me and my thoughts were the same and I was my thoughts.  Well, pick any number between 12 and 70 thousand thoughts per day, does that assumption sound reasonable?  Not really.  Our thoughts are just that, a less controllable response that is a reaction, observation, conjecture or feeling that comes out of the blue and goes nowhere.  Picking up on this fact there are two important insights.

First, whereas we cannot effectively or directly control our immediate thoughts, we are not helpless or hopeless.  I am my own THOUGHT POLICE!  When you watch a violent or disturbing movie, read about untoward events, willingly associate with troublesome individuals and guess what – these inputs become part of our thoughts and thought patterns.  Similarly if you mindfully seek out constructive and joyful circumstances then the frequency of unwelcome thoughts decreases and positive thoughts become more pronounced.

Second, whereas we are not our thoughts, we are our actions.  What you do is a reflection of who you are.  Watch your thoughts and note how some become actionable and others not.  What is that trigger between thought and action.  Observe it carefully.  Too often the trigger is the trade-off and tension between immediate pleasure and longer term and more permanent wellness.  Consider what urges you internally debate as you put the thought into a deed. Or what stops you from acting out a consider thought. Are you OK with these action monitors?

Taming so many thoughts is daunting assignment.  However, one can over time turn the tide positively by watching and managing your thought input diet.  Please actively monitor the medias (social, visual, print, audio) and ask whether this is a helpful or too many of the wrong thought calories. Healthier thoughts need healthier inputs and stimuli.

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Seven Dimensions of Wellness – Part Two

Continuing from Tuesday’s reflection, below are the last three wellness dimensions, as described by the Wellness Program at the University of California, Riverside.

 -         Occupational Wellness is the ability to get personal fulfillment from our jobs or our chosen career fields, while still maintaining balance in our lives. Our desire to contribute in our careers, and to make a positive impact on the organizations we work in and to society as a whole, leads to Occupational Wellness.

 -         Intellectual Wellness is the ability to open our minds to new ideas and experiences that can be applied to personal decisions, group interaction and community betterment. The desire to learn new concepts, improve skills and seek challenges in pursuit of lifelong learning contributes to our Intellectual Wellness.

 -         Physical Wellness is the ability to maintain a healthy quality of life that allows us to get through our daily activities without undue fatigue or physical stress. The ability to recognize that our behaviours have a significant impact on our wellness and the adoption of healthy habits (routine checkups, a balanced diet, exercise, etc.) while avoiding destructive habits (tobacco, drugs, alcohol, etc.) will lead to optimal Physical Wellness.

 In summary, this model noted that wellness has seven aspects: social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, intellectual and physical wellness.  Is there a dimension that is weak or lacking in your wellness journey? Speculate what you might do to strengthen this area.  Similarly, appreciating the full scope of wellness may help you identify what is going well in your life and be grateful for this bounty.  Awareness of our blessings is essential to improved well-being. 

Source: University of California, Riverside, Wellness Program https://wellness.ucr.edu/seven_dimensions.html

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Seven Dimensions of Wellness – Part One

Several researchers have investigated different spheres of wellness. Tuesday’s and Thursday’s reflections will review seven dimension of wellness, described by the Wellness Program at the University of California, Riverside.

 What is interesting about the seven dimensions is that we often associate too much importance to emotional wellness, and overlook other opportunities to improve overall well-being.

 Wellness is much more than merely physical health, exercise or nutrition. It is the full integration of states of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. The model used by the California campus includes social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, intellectual and physical wellness. Each of these seven dimensions act and interact in a way that contributes to our own quality of life.

 -         Social Wellness is the ability to relate to and connect with other people in our world. Our ability to establish and maintain positive relationships with family, friends and co-workers contributes to our Social Wellness.

 -         Emotional Wellness is the ability to understand ourselves and cope with the challenges life can bring. The ability to acknowledge and share feelings of anger, fear, sadness, stress; or hope, love, joy and happiness in a productive manner contributes to our Emotional Wellness.

 -         Spiritual Wellness is the ability to establish peace and harmony in our lives. The ability to develop congruence between values and actions and to realize a common purpose that binds creation together contributes to our Spiritual Wellness.

 -         Environmental Wellness is the ability to recognize our own responsibility for the quality of the air, the water and the land that surrounds us. The ability to make a positive impact on the quality of our environment, be it in our homes, our communities or our planet contributes to our Environmental Wellness. 

Source: University of California, Riverside, Wellness Program https://wellness.ucr.edu/seven_dimensions.html

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GENEROSITY – THE TALE OF THE PIG AND THE CHICKEN

 Years ago, at a fund-raising dinner, I had the good fortune to meet a very joyful, successful and wealthy entrepreneur. What struck me and others about this person was how kind, unassuming and at peace he was.  He gave a very short speech, after which he made an impressive donation to the organization we were there to all support. I will never forget what he shared with the audience. 

The speaker told a story about a community of animals on a farm.  The most popular and befriended animal by far was Ms. Chicken.  She was never alone, highly regarded and a leader in the farm yard.  Then, there was Mr. Pig.  He had few friends, was often ignored and felt rather lonely.  One day Mr. Pig met Ms. Chicken and he ask the obvious question, which was, “What is the secret to your charm and popularity?” 

Without pausing, Ms. Chicken stated, “The reason I am held in high regard is that I give every day to the community, and you give only once.  Simple as that.”

Don’t delay in your generosity until you are older, or writing your last will and testament.  Enjoy and savour the bounty of charity by making it a frequent and habitual part of your life journey.  And again, remember the three T’s of time, talent and treasure.  You must have a surplus of one of these that you can share with others. Regular giving of small amounts of time or treasure often has much more impact on those around us than grander, one off gestures.

Please give than live, rather than the reverse of living than giving.

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GENEROSITY – THE THREE “T’s”

Many respected leaders in the area of well-being (the Dalai Lama, Desmond Tutu, Sonja Lyubomirsky), have noted that generosity is one of the more redeeming and effective ways to improve one’s sense of wholeness and joy.  Generosity is prescribed by almost every religious tradition.  It is one of the five pillars of Islam, called zakat.  In Judaism, it is called tzedakah, which literally means “justice”. In Hinduism and Buddhism, it is called dana.  And in Christianity, it is called charity.

Generosity is one of the best vitamins for happiness, but our understanding of it may be challenged and short-sighted, because we often associate charity with money and gifts.  Fortunately, money is but one expression of generosity.  Let’s meet the three “T’s”: Time, Talent and Treasure.

For much of our life being financially charitable is challenging and awkward, as money (treasure) may be in short supply.  We want to be generous, but say to ourselves that we will get around to it when we are older.  However, we also have skills (talents) which can benefit those in need.  Or, giving up some of one’s time to a cause that speaks to you is also an act of charity. Sharing one’s expertise or leisure feels every bit as good for the soul as money.  At the end of the day, time is our most intimate expression of ourselves; sharing it altruistically with those in need is the dearest thing we can give.

Wonderfully, when time or talent are our method of expressing kindness to others, we get the added benefit of being part of a relationship with others.  This connectivity and interdependence with a community adds depth to our well-being.

Volunteering one’s time or talents does not have an age restriction, the earlier you starting giving of it the more you grow.

 Further reading: The Book of Joy   by the Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu, Hutchinson 2016.

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NOW OLD

I have aged a bit since I was a youngster, one day at a time!  I can remember at the age of about ten wondering how I could possibly know as much as a twelve year old. How could my small brain hold any more information?  The same fear gripped me as I was finishing high school.  Fortunately it all worked out, and space was found for the new knowledge as it came.

As I got older, the notion of ageing forever amazed, puzzled and frightened me.  At twenty five, I imagined how ancient I would feel at forty.  At forty, I was sometimes the youngest person in the room and rather intimidated by my elders.  Along the way, I also speculated about whether this age must be my peak, and whether soon after everything would go downhill……. 

Can I share with you my personal truth? Those emotions and desires of so many years ago are dim compared to today; aging teaches you how to manage, maximize and savour situations.  I encourage you to replay a circumstance you are currently having, and re-live how you would have coped with a similar situation twenty years ago.

So when I think of how old I am, I have decided that I am NOW OLD.  Finally after so many birthdays and years, I finally appreciate that there is only one age or moment that matters, and that is the present moment.  Being NOW OLD means that dwelling on your age and aging is irrelevant, unhelpful and distracting.  The awesome thing about being alive is that there is only one state of nature, the present moment, and every other time only exists as a memory or an expectation.  Start acting your age, which is NOW OLD.  Everyone else can also only live in their present moment, whatever page of their life journey they are currently in.

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The Pleasure or Wellness Decision Rule

So often in life we have difficult decisions or trade-offs to make. We agonize over whether or not to accept a job offer, buy that new car we have been thinking about, accept that invitation to a party, or even eat that tasty pastry. Yes or No? We can go back and forth.

One useful decision rule might be whether the YES response would bring you or I pleasure or well-being. On the one hand, pleasure is immediate, momentary, and gives one joy right now. Conversely, well-being is sustained and gives you less immediate joy, but more wellness in the future.  Saying NO may mean denying immediate pleasure in favour of longer term well-being. 

When you choose pleasure rather than wellness, you should be mindful of the consequences of that immediate hit of ecstasy.  You need to weigh that against the more important goal of a life of wellness.  Often a dose of pleasure is what you need to relax or enjoy the present moment.  Forever pursuing wellness can get trying, so manage the pleasure versus wellness trade-off carefully and mindfully. 

For those choices which are of limited consequence, sure, it’s fine to lean towards pleasure, but as soon the consequences can become serious, wellness MUST prevail. 

Making better trade-offs and living within constraints is a major part of improved well-being. Mindfully saying YES to wellness and NO to pleasure is a useful re-framing exercise and will take the stress out of many of the choices you have to make. Deferring gratification is similar to delaying pleasure and reaping well-being; a nobler place to be in the longer run.

For further reading:  The Art of Happiness: A Handbook for Living by the Dalai Lama and Howard C. Cutler, Page 35 

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Celebrate What is Right with Your Present Moment

How do you view a half full cup ? Happy full, half empty or needing a smaller cup?

What matters is the point of view you bring to your present situation.  When you read the newspaper, visit a news website, or watch/listen to a news cast, you will notice that these tend to focus on what is wrong with our world.  Only the sports pages exalt our achievements, but then with a biased perspective. Sadly, the world seems addicted to this negative narrative and perspective, rejecting a more positive perspective as naïve or Pollyanna-like in nature.

Celebrate what is right with your situation; seek out the excellence, bounty and blessing within your present moment.  Change your point of view, change your lens of life, and seek out with the positive - RIGHT NOW!  One of the most wonderful aspects of looking for the positive is that there are many perspectives and ways to view each situation in a better light. Once you identify these, risk being in awe of them.  Don’t analyze these blessings with a critical eye and destroy the mystery, but rather enjoy them without the cynicism that seems to have invaded our cultural perspective.

While you are in the spirit of celebrating what is right with your present moment, reflect on those who you are close to, and acknowledge their good points and how they improve your present situation.  Be prepared to marvel and appreciate the good around you. 

For every wrong, failure or weakness you observe, deliberately look for an equal number of kindnesses and strengths to CELEBRATE.  This conscious reframing of your present moment will reward you with wellness.

 For further reflection:  Please do listen to the TEDx Talk by Dewitt Jones called “Celebrate what’s right with the world!” Well worth the 18 minutes of your time.

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Less Attachment

One of the core principles of Buddhism is the notion of non-attachment.  Buddhists believe that attachment (clinging onto things) is the root of suffering.  It is hard to disagree that strong attachment to possessions can frequently lead to or increase suffering.  Materialism is hardly the road to well-being.

Recently during the night someone stole my shiny new mountain bike, and my attachment tendencies were tested.  Yes, I fussed about the loss for a few minutes, and then I came to a decision: should I ruminate (attachment) or let go (detachment).  Letting go took the sting out of the loss and made getting on with my day very easy. By noon the sense of loss was gone.

As I reflected on my loss, I had to decide whether I was a janitor or security guard of my belongings and captured by them or someone with a fortunate short term lease.  Borrowing, using, enjoying and letting go is so much more peaceful and less stressful.

Please don’t assume that I do not have an attachment nature and cling to nothing.  No way!  I do appreciate my creature comforts and possessions (travel watch, music, photos) but focus on the joy and gratitude I experience  when using them.  Being attached to fewer things and savouring those fewer things certainly beats accumulating and worrying about your belongings. 

As I thought about the theft more, I took a mental inventory of my possessions that I truly lament were I to forfeit them.  What was left was a few material items of significant sentimental value (but limited market value), and the rest was baggage.  Wonderful memories quickly came to the forefront as my more prized possessions, and these cannot be readily forfeited.  remembering your blessings is an attachment worth cherishing.

Take your own inventory; if the list is too long, consider whether you have become the janitor and watch person and have been captured by your attachments.  Less attachment and more active sharing and gratitude are worthwhile attachments.

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The If and When Myth

“I will be happy IF” … “I will be happy WHEN” doesn’t work or happen.  You get the desired outcome, have elevated spirits for a few weeks, months or at best a few years and then you are right back to where you were earlier. 

This natural occurrence of returning to your natural set point of wellness is called the hedonistic treadmill or hedonistic adaption.  We are like the hamster on the treadmill running quickly but getting nowhere, stuck. Changes in circumstance have a short term pay-off and then this new situation becomes the new normal.  The adaption makes you inclined to aspire for new achievements which then undermines the joy of the current achievement.  And then comparison sets in, and we see others with more or better or newer rewards and we are back to square one.

For me, appreciating and observing this adaption process countless times tamed the shopper in me and changed me.  Now I savour a few very special and thoughtful gifts, experiences or purchases and regularly just pause to be so grateful for those blessings. A multi-function travel watch, blue tooth headphones that meet my unique needs, Bolivia, colourful sandals that can go anywhere; these are special things that ring my well-being bell.

Experiment with your IF and WHEN expectations for well-being.  How long did your joy persist? Have you already replaced that desire with a new or more lavish wish?  If that IF or WHEN had not happened, would you really be any less pleased?

Letting go of IF and WHEN is most liberating as it puts one into the present moment where there is no IF or WHEN, only now.  Not wanting or waiting for something to happen to be achieved or owned means you have enough, and perhaps even a surplus.  Practice savouring things with serenity, re-thanking others for their awesome gifts, or remembering/sharing those powerful memories and milestones but again.  Sure, it is fine to want an IF or WHEN once in the while, but not always or to the determinant of what you already are blessed with.  Wonderfully, gratitude will improve your spirits and defeat the treadmill. 

For further reading, if you are interested just Google “Hedonistic treadmill”]; there is no shortage of insightful sources for further insights here.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Significance

There is a story about Mother Teresa (Noble Peace Prize 1979) being on an airplane and sitting next to a passenger who was extolling his amazing achievements; CEO of a huge company, possessions, fame, network of influential business leaders and fortune.  You know and can imagine the person.  He was unaware that the listener was Mother Teresa. 

Mother Teresa finally interrupted the gentleman by asking a simple question:  “What have you done that is significant?”  Despite his career highs; the thousands of adoring shareholders, the countless subordinates and employees and the awesome salary, he was silenced, deflated and probably disappointed or embarrassed. But where was his significance agenda? There is a natural tendency to pursue success and forget or negate significance.  Urgency overwhelms purpose, as ever larger survival urges overwhelm longer term wellness. 

Along your life journey regularly ask if there are opportunities for significance and higher purpose in your daily actions.  Start by thinking small and locally; do a random act of kindness, volunteer, put yourself out to help someone else, mentor a subordinate - seek simple service gestures, as these opportunities are countless.

One of the more powerful tools or habits that brings a sense of well-being and contentment is serving others.  It will improve your spirits, your local community and your world view.

Significance, and the purpose it engenders, encourages a cycle of improved wellness and wholeness. Significance encourages joy to flourish around and within you.  Start to look for significance opportunities, and you will find they are everywhere. 

Balance your life and career so you both do well (personal rewards) but also do good (benefit others).  “Doing good” is your significance agenda and challenge.

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