ACHIEVEMENT AND GRIT*(Part One)

I have had the privilege of observing thousands of university learners over the course of my career. With the most successful ones, I have long wondered why they became particularly successful. I would see saw glimmers of early promise in many students, but why did some go on to great accomplishments, and others seem less destined to succeed?

There is a growing body of research into this area. * Angela Duckworth converted the physics formula:

Distance = Speed x Times    to an achievement equation;

Achievement = Skill x Effort   (leaving the coefficient out).

Using thousands of samples, Angela was able to reasonably predict those that would achieve highly and those that would quit or underachieve.  She found that natural ability, talent or IQ was a poor predictor of success, and that effort, or determination, made all the difference.  She called this effort GRIT.

Angela found that those students who were not automatically able or quick at their studies had to work harder, longer, and practice more (the strivers). They had more grit and their achievements often matched or exceeded their naturally more able colleagues.  Strivers had a better achievement rate.

I have also observed in learners that whilst some are extremely naturally able, there are others who have an extra quality: a steady determination. They are diligent, focused and striving, and they seem to display some resilience when the going gets tough. I admire those especially diligent learners that seem to willingly go the extra mile with a smile.  As the sayings go: Success is 10% inspiration and 90% perspiration (Thomas Edison). Or Winners never Quit, and Quitters never Win.

So what does this have to do with well-being?  Lots.  First, Achievement is one of the five dimensions of well-being or flourishing (Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Achievement or PERMA).  Achievement really matters! 

Whereas you cannot change your natural abilities, you can become more determined and resilient.  Grit is often more important than innate ability, especially in the long run. 

Improving your well-being takes effort but it is rewarding. We give lots of time and attention to gaining academic qualifications, but often we put very little time and effort into improving our own well-being. Maybe we should apply some of the same grit and determination that we apply to our careers to our own well-being, and to making significant changes in our personal lives.

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*: Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing: The practical guide to using positive psychology to make you happier and healthier by Martin Seligman

and

*: Grit: Why Passion and Persistence are the Secrets to Success by Angela Duckworth

NEUROPLASTICITY

A part of me used to believe that I cannot change, that what you see is what you get.  I was finished goods and largely set to stay the way I was.  Fortunately that is not true, one can change in often significant ways.  Scientifically this ability to change or “re-wire” the brain is called neuroplasticity. An adult’s mind is somewhat like plastic and can be re-shaped. What a wonderful possibility! One can become a better person, and well-being is a real possibility.  As positive psychology research has found, around 40% of our well-being is a function of our intentions and willful actions.  That’s a lot of scope for change and improvement.

But how?  To start, change is not automatic or unconscious, you have to be aware and intentional.  Habits take on average take 66 days of practice to be routine and part of your natural repertoire.  So be modest, and take baby steps that are within your reach. 

If you want to become, for example, more thoughtful, seek out or plan multiple daily situations where being thoughtful could be exhibited.  Re-frame the way you see and do things through a “thoughtful” lens.  Observe in others examples of thoughtfulness.  Bring thoughtfulness for others into your conversations.  Make those close to you aware of your new mission and ask them to acknowledge and praise you when you act thoughtfully.   Ponder the depth and breadth of thoughtfulness, how it has many characteristics and expressions.  Journalize your thoughtful achievements.  Pride in one’s success is one of the more positive emotions, so use it to encourage yourself that you are succeeding.  Expect setbacks and bad days.  Over those 66 plus days your brain will be subtly re-programmed to become more thoughtful. 

Neuroplasticity, being able to change for the better, enables your well-being to grow.  Positive change is deliberate, gradual, and awkward at times, but immensely rewarding.  So go for it.

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HELPFUL AND/OR HOPEFUL

One of the essential positive emotions is being hopeful. In the list of ten positive emotions, being hopeful is the only one that is future oriented. The expectation that the future bodes well and is promising is fundamental to joyful well-being.  The aspiration for improvement is what makes life purposeful and meaningful.  Take away one’s hopefulness and life can appear rather bleak.

Another desire is to be helpful and proactive; the sense that effort can make a difference.  Can you personally do anything to improve or implement your hopeful aspirations?

Both hopeful and helpful have antonyms: hopeless and helpless. Both of these are disabling. I have asked people to describe themselves within these parameters.  Age seems to have a bearing on how one classifies oneself.  Older folks (over 50) seem to be generally hopeful and feel empowered to affect their hopefulness.  However, for younger adults hopefulness was in shorter supply and helplessness was not uncommon.  What a despairing revelation!

So how can one get out of this melancholy funk?  Do you start with the helplessness or the hopelessness?  I would start with helplessness.  Without a personal sense that you can make a difference, being hopeful is an impossibility.  It is unlikely that you will be able to solve climate change, but you can make your neighborhood a tidier place, and reduce your climate footprint.  World peace can seem hopelessly idealistic, but in your little way you can be kind and inclusive.  Start small and local.  Make a commitment to honour your word, arrive at the time you agreed, under-promise and over-deliver.  Mindfully practice helpfulness, it will unlock your hopefulness.

And being hopeful?!  Again, think small, setting realistic and immediate goals.  Practice gratitude.  Count your blessings.  Have a SMALLER CUP that is fuller. Let go of comparison (unless it is with your yesterday).  Be charitable. 

If you don’t feel helpful or hopeful, how can you move yourself forward?  Work on your helpfulness, as your well-being depends on it.

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BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU ASK FOR

I lived for a year in one of the most financially prosperous cities in the world.  If there was a lottery and the prize was to be immensely rich, well this was it.  There were malls everywhere and any conceivable consumable pleasure was not far away.  ‘Shop ‘til you drop’ was a national obsession and past time.  They had won the “life” lottery (after all, someone has to) and got the prize of having financial abundance beyond belief.

 I was gone after a year; what a relief. I learned and observed an important lesson:  Be careful what you ask for, you might just get it.  Imagine you got that amazing car, house, partner, career or whatever you asked for: would that be it and nirvana forever after?  More than likely, life would soon be rather hellish or hollow.

 Many aspirations are indeed uplifting and noble, but many are not. How often do we silently say to ourselves: “I wish I had….”    How do you sort them out?  I ask a rather simple question:  “Imagine it is a rainy, miserable Tuesday in the fall and it is 11 AM and you had or were doing what you asked for, would you feel purposeful and happy?”  Maybe you would feel blessed and grateful for whatever you had: great!  Or perhaps that ocean front view, car, job, office or wardrobe might just as easily be humdrum and bland.

 So what are attributes of more purposeful or worthwhile living to aspire to?  The psychologist Martin Seligman summarized five measurable elements of what he described as flourishing* or well-being:  Positive emotions, Engagement, Relationships, Meaning and Achievement (or PERMA). 

If what you desire does not contribute to at least one of the elements, move on.   If the answer is YES, go for it.  If the answer is MAYBE, speculate what is missing and whether you can supplement your desire with it.  If it cannot be bundled together, than stop.  If the answer is NO, let go of that desire, as it is likely very superficial and just a consumption urge coming out of boredom.

Finally, if what you get is what you asked for and it is great, be especially GRATEFUL!! 

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*: "Flourish: A New Understanding of Happiness and Wellbeing" by Martin Seligman 

WHETHER YOU THINK YOU CAN OR YOU CAN’T, YOU’RE RIGHT!

Thank you Henry Ford for this all too correct summary of how influential our thinking and imagining is to our well-being.  Henry, using intuition, observed what Sonja Lyubomirsky empirically uncovered from reviewing the literature on well-being (1).  Both noted that our intentions have enormous effect on our state of flourishing. 

 Sonja summarized her findings by concluding that around 40% of what determines our well-being is up to our intentional thoughts and activities. What about the rest?  50% is largely set by our genetically determined set points (our genes, which cannot be changed).  The last 10% is our unique life circumstances (rich or poor, beautiful or plain, etc.).

If we decide, often by default, that we are having a bad day, it is almost certainly going to turn out that way.  Inversely, if with determined intentions we decide our day or experience is going to go well, that day or event will have a high probability of being satisfying.  Try it: frame some upcoming occasion with optimistic potential.  Chances are it will go joyfully, or at least better than if one had no joyful expectations.

Having watched (and graded) thousands of learners sitting examinations, the correlation between the candidate’s intentional preparation and attitude and their subsequent performance seems strong.  The writer with a confident air generally walks out of the venue with a positive expectation and later a rewarding result.  And those that enter and exit the exam hall with low expectations seem too often get their expectations confirmed.

Whether one can or can’t is a less random outcome than we imagine.  Realistic intentions, coupled with proper preparation, have a significantly higher success rate than imagining we are the victim of circumstance. 

Make our self-fulfilling prophesies bountiful and beautiful.  Chances are we will get what we asked for.   

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 (1): Pursuing Happiness: The Architecture of Sustainable Change, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Kennon M. Sheldon, David Schkade, Review of General Psychology 9(2):111-131 · June 2005

FLOURISH

An interesting shift in terminology around the science of happiness and well-being is occurring.  A growing number of positive psychologists have shifted their view and discussion of well-being to a larger perspective.  Rather than talking about happiness, they now describe their goal as to understand the experience of flourishing.

Changing your paradigm to flourishing from happiness is empowering.  Being happy may sounds to some like you are just smiley faced, a gleeful but not especially purposeful or grounded person. They may view you as being too obsessed with the NOW (which isn’t correct or complete, but does have some merit).  The idea of flourishing has a more expansive remit, as it implies growth and an interest in tomorrow.

This change in positive psychology terminology is more than clever marketing.  It embraces an enlarged view of what a more joyful life might entail as described below (1):

Authentic Happiness Theory: Focus: Happiness Goal: Increase one’s life satisfaction primarily by increasing Positive emotions, Engagement, and Positive Relationships

Well-Being Theory:  Focus:  Well-being Goal:  Increase one’s flourishing by increasing Positive emotions, Engagement, Meaning, Positive Relationships, and Accomplishment (or PERMA) 

So what? you reasonably ask.  At the very least, if one changes the way one describes their well-being goal from happiness to flourishing others may not dismiss you as readily, and may listen to you less judgementally.  Secondly, and very importantly, the inclusion of accomplishments (achievement) and meaning (purpose) into your repertoire of well-being tools does materially expand ways you might improve your quality of life.

Personally, I find it much easier and helpful to challenge myself to flourish than to be happy.  Acknowledging creating purpose and valuing accomplishment as concrete aspects of my well-being causes me to reflect on what I can DO proactively and privately to improve my quality of life.  By adding engagement I acknowledge the intense satisfaction I can get when I am engaged or busy in something deeply satisfying.

By giving attention to what really matters to you (meaning), developing the skills to do it well (engagement), and seeking to excel, you should become a flourishing (and happy) camper!

Start thinking about and acting out your FLOURISH agenda.

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(1):  Martin Seligman, Flourish, (Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2011)

MAKING HELPFUL AND HOPEFUL COMPARISONS

Comparing yourself to others often breeds jealousy and/or a sense of disappointment.  There will ALWAYS be someone with a better, bigger, newer, shinier, smarter, richer, faster or flashier whatever.  At best you may win the comparison contest for a few weeks before you are topped or your achievement, if compared to others, loses its merit, interest or bragging rights.

However, comparisons can also be very constructive as they motivate us to seek to improve ourselves and our situation.  We look around and speculate how we can make for a better tomorrow.  Much of this forward thinking is based on comparing what is to what might be; looking for a fix or improvement to our current situation. If there was no better or worse outcome, nothing would be worth doing. (1)

So, how can you make the process of comparison helpful and work for you? It comes down to what is the standard or base you use when you make comparisons.  Is it reasonably achievable or unrealistic? Related or unrelated to your personal strengths?

The Canadian psychologist Jordan Peterson came up with a simple and effective rule, being: “Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today”. (1) Looking at the comparison process this way provides some practical guide.  Letting go of others in the comparison game makes the possibility of successful improvement highly achievable, as you become your own standard. 

So how can you make comparison helpful and hopeful?  Decide on what aspects of yourself to focus on for improvement by asking: “What is the better version of yourself you want?”  What are those personal attributes that you are likely to succeed at bettering?  Set low and readily achievable targets and slowly up your game.  Observe and appreciate your personal improvement over time.   Make the rewards for progress intrinsic and personally satisfying.  Look at your yesterday and note how your today is in a minor way better.

Letting go of others in the comparison process is an effective way to focus on yourself and your journey.  Get rid of the disquieting self-doubt and jealousy that others unhelpfully introduce into your self-improvement challenge.

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(1):  Jordan B. Peterson, 12 Rules for Life: An Antidote to Chaos, (Penguin Books, 2018)

HOW LONG IS NOW?

With so much mention about “being in the now or moment” it seems a fair question to ask: ”How long is now?”  NOW is defined as the length of time that you can be aware of something before your awareness moves on to something else. Different estimates abound, ranging from one to ten seconds long, averaging between two and three seconds for each discreet NOW moment. (1) 

That means you experience between 10,000 and 20,000 NOWS during each waking day. However you remember almost none of these NOW moments.  Does this forgetfulness dismiss the importance of being the moment?  NO! 

As Bill Keane, the cartoonist of Family Circle said in 1984:   “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a GIFT.  That’s why it’s called the present.”

At any one moment there are three different NOW selves potentially engaged. These selves are your experiencing (present) self, your remembering (past) self and your planning (future) self.  Each of these selves is fighting for your awareness.  Unfortunately the past (regretting) self wins most of your NOW awareness, followed the future (worrying or anxious) self and the present (mindful) self just hangs around being rather dis-engaged.

You cannot productively use all those three second moments as present gifts, but you can improve re-prioritise your mind to think more effectively.  Whereas 99.9% of these NOWs are fleeting, deliberately engage with the 0.001% of them (about 20 per day) and make them real and alive.  Bring a smile to your face.  Pause, take a breath, look about and engage as many of your senses as you can. Once in the while cause a NOW moment to become a genuine memory worthy of sharing with others and remembering for a few days.  Do something exciting, uniquely different and spontaneous.  And make it your mission at least four or five times a year to create a celebration that you will use to frame the year by.   This isn’t taking a selfie and putting it on your Facebook, but rather experiencing something that you will privately cherish and smile about as you re-count this year several years later.  Cause some NOW milestones!!

Annually you have around five million NOW moments, so make some of these present moments a gift to yourself.

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(1): Marc Wittmann, Felt Time: The Psychology of How We Perceive Time, (MIT Press, 2016)

THE MARRIAGE POSITIVITY RATIO

Being married or in a committed primary relationship is a puzzle with an amazing prize.  Figuring out how to make the relationship work beneficially for both parties is challenging but well worth the effort.  Members of constructive, happy, primary relationships have improved health, well-being, longevity, resilience and income. (1) One renowned psychologist expanded on the finding of a colleague and made the following empirical finding:

Psychologist Barbara Fredrickson discovered that experiencing positive emotions in a 3-to-1 ratio with negative ones leads people to a tipping point beyond which they naturally become more resilient to adversity, and effortlessly achieve what they once could only imagine. (2)

Another psychologist John Gottman, however, found a different ratio in a different context. He found that for a marriage to succeed, there must be at least five times as many positive interactions in the relationship as negative ones, a 5:1 ratio that Gottman dubbed the “magic ratio,” more commonly known as the “Gottman ratio.” (3)

If you put these two ratios together side by side, you immediately understand why marriage is so tough. We demand a 3:1 positivity ratio for all our daily experiences, except in our marriage, from which we demand even more. In that sense, we all behave more sternly toward our partner, and we judge them far more harshly than we judge mere acquaintances. Maybe if we understand that, we could give our partner a little bit of a well-deserved break, and maybe marriage would not be quite so tough. (4)

Acts of kindness and expressions of gratitude towards your partner sometimes go undone or unsaid because of the busyness of life.  Similarly, partners can judge the other too frequently or bluntly.  Time to go back to the basics: pro-actively love your partner as yourself.

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(1): Ilona Boniwell, Positive Psychology In A Nutshell: The Science Of Happiness (McGraw-Hill, 2012)

(2): Barbara Fredrickson, Positivity, www.positivityratio.com.

(3): John Gottman, Why Marriages Succeed or Fail . . . and How You Can Make Yours Last (New York: Simon & Schuster, 1994)

(4): Chade-Meng Tan, Daniel Goleman, Jon Kabat,  Search Inside Yourself: Increase Productivity, Creativity and Happiness [ePub edition] 

PERFECTIONIST OR OPTIMALIST

Letting go is about knowing when good enough is good enough.  Are things likely to get a lot better or is this as good as it reasonably gets? 

 Some people are perfectionists - things can always be better and they are forever striving for the ideal and the perfect.  Others are optimalists - setting high standards and goals, but actively considering the trade-offs, costs and benefits of the perfect, relative to the attainable and possible.   Do you only want the very best?  Or are you satisfied with BETTER, and prepared to let go of BEST? 

A fairly blunt but effective way to classify people is to identify them as either perfectionist or optimalist.

"Perfectionists pay an extremely high emotional price for rejecting reality. Their rejection of failure leads to anxiety, because the possibility that they may fail is always there. Their rejection of painful emotions often leads to an intensification of the very emotion they are trying to suppress, ultimately leading to even more pain. Their rejection of real-world limits and constraints leads them to set unreasonable and unattainable standards for success, and because they can never meet these standards, they are constantly plagued by feelings of frustration and inadequacy.

Optimalists, on the other hand, derive great emotional benefit, and are able to lead rich and fulfilling lives, by accepting reality. Because they accept failure as natural—even if naturally they do not enjoy failing—they experience less performance anxiety and derive more enjoyment from their activities. Because they accept painful emotions as an inevitable part of being alive, they do not exacerbate them by trying to suppress them. They experience them, learn from them, and move on. Because they accept real-world limits and constraints, they set goals that they can actually attain and are thus able to experience, appreciate, and enjoy success."*

When people request that you cut them some slack, give them some space or the like, they are really saying that they are optimalists.  Yes, your perfection is wonderful but it doesn’t speaks to them.  Show the optimalist where improvements are possible but then move on.  If you are a perfectionist, lighten up.  It will likely be good for your stress and overall wellness.

*: “Even Happier: A Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment" by Tal Ben-Shahar

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THE 83% MONA LISA SMILE

"The Mona Lisa gives us a hint about the desirable or optimum level of happiness. Scientists recently computer-analyzed the emotions expressed in this famous lady's face, and concluded that she is 83 percent happy, 9 percent disgusted, 6 percent fearful and 2 percent angry. Interestingly, we find that people who are happy, but not perfectly so, do well in many domains of life. Perhaps Leonardo da Vinci was onto something, and the widespread appeal of his famous painting may be due to the fact that his lady projects the look of success."*

If Mona Lisa was 83 percent happy, that does suggest that it is okay to be 17 percent of the time in a melancholy or bad mood.  Too much joyfulness and you may be willfully blind to some of the harsh realities of life.  Being anxious is a good thing if it is a buttress to your happiness.  Negative emotions can keep you in check and alert you to others and to risks around you.

 If you are fortunate enough to be in that 30% of the general population that would describe their current situation as happy, you are encouraged to allow for some negative emotions to keep you centered.  If you are verging on classifying yourself as happy, perhaps you imagine that happiness is being always in a state of wellness and joy.  Having a bad hair day now and then is good for you and a realistic expectation and reality. 

 Wellness does not mean your life is perfect and without obstacles. No, you will experience setbacks and misfortune, but the advantage of wellness is that you have RESILIENCE.  You bounce back, don’t harbor anger, let go and see what you can learn from those challenging moments and experiences. 

 If you know someone who seems to be one of those lucky 30 happy folks, do allow them the liberty of the occasional frown.  And if you are in the other 70 percent who imagine yourself unhappy, you may be in that optimum zone, but have unrealistic expectations of what is as good as it gets.

 *: "Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth" by Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener

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PEAK – END RULE

Imagine you had a choice of either:

-         Experiencing a rather unpleasant experience for five minutes, with the worst moments about three minutes into the process,  or

-         Experiencing the same unpleasant five minute ordeal, but with another two minutes added of a slightly less unpleasant but tolerable experience (seven minutes in all).

 Or consider this choice:

-         A one week vacation at an exclusive destination with all the amenities, indulgences, experiences you fancy, or

-         A two week vacation, for the same cost in a nearby destination, which is pretty amazing but not over the top.

 Nobel economist Daniel Kahneman researched these types of options and noted generally that, using the above choices, the longer unpleasant experience or the shorter vacation were the preferred options.  He summarized this research and coined the term PEAK-END RULE. What we REMEMBER is the most intense or peak moment (whether pleasant or unpleasant) and the last moment.  We don’t necessarily forget the other details; we just tend to describe the encounter by the best and last events and overlook much of the other occurrences. If I think back on certain episodes in my life, then it was the best or worst moments and how it finished that I remember and retell.

 This is a rather powerful insight and has influenced my travel style.  I now pay much more attention to the last day of my travel and how I get back home.  I more willingly splurge on doing those things that are unique but can be pricey. I don’t try to stay away longer but now focus on staying away better.

 Managing experiences and CAUSING AND CREATING MEMORIES is an amazing opportunity for a well lived and remembered life.  What you remember can have a powerful positive effect on your well-being.

 Going forward, plan your peak and end experiences deliberately and manage carefully how you finish.  Make it a goal to finish well.  Create wonderful final recollections and reduce disagreeable endings where possible - that is a manageable undertaking, and well worth seizing.

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RESILIENCE

Recently I visited a museum which aimed to highlight the living conditions of the local working class population at various time intervals in history – it went back to 1805 and then each subsequent house advanced on another 50 years. What immediately struck me was how primitive and harsh life was back then, and more alarming still, two of the examples were from 1955 and 1985 in the UK.  Some of the examples had no flush toilets, hot running water, central heating, vacuum cleaners, colour TV or many of the other conveniences we assume are necessities today.

 I speculated that life then had as many wonderful and special moments of joy and wellness as we have today.  Then, as now, likely 30% of those living in the UK would have rated their life as very happy (see May 10 Reflection, THE EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN MONEY AND WELLNESS).  Once the hurdle of serious poverty is overcome, more money does not translate into more wellness. 

As I looked at these simpler environments of earlier generations, I admired the bravery and determination of those bygone years and wondered what the missing link today was?   Resilience and tenacity, I concluded.  Life was tough, creature comforts were limited, but people still got up in the morning with purpose and a smile.

 Unfortunately, today we seem to expect comfort and convenience or else we complain.  Rather than looking inside for purpose we turn to Amazon or the internet for a remedy.  A better prescription would be resilience.  Training one’s resilience occurs when one mindfully adjusts to and positively embraces your current circumstance, especially when it is less than ideal. 

 Being without something you want, savouring the longing and then resolving that you are better without it matures your emotional suppleness and makes you a better person.  Being determined to want less and being grateful for what you have demonstrates what your real needs are.  This focuses your tenacious energy to do what is necessary to achieve your higher goal. 

 Wonderfully, exercising one’s resilience and tenacity is, of itself, empowering, joyful and uplifting.

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BEING and/or DOING?

We seem to spend so much time doing that we forget we are human beings not human doings. But how does one get from doing to being? By recognizing that the only thing we have is the present moment – the past is past, and the future is still ahead of us. We need to live in the NOW.

 There are two cycles we are perpetually involved in: the doing and the being aspects of life.  The DOING, DO, DONE loop of life is important but it should not overwhelm the BE, BEING sequence.   Regularly one should acknowledge that actions and busyness are FINISHED and it is time to smell the coffee and savour and relish the moment.

 Just being in the moment means appreciating what has been done, being quiet, and being at peace.  It means consciously stopping and evaluating before you go from one relentless task to another. That is what NOW is all about.  Regularly taking an inventory of your blessings, achievements and progress settles the spirit and improves your well-being.

 Forever pursuing tasks and doing more is exhausting and is well served with the occasional reflective moments.  Maybe meditation is not your cup of tea, but invent your own calming exercises.  Setting aside chill out breaks recharges the brain, encourages creative thinking, problem solving and well-being. 

 Four of the ten positive emotions (Reflection of February 26th) are about experiencing and being in the moment.  They are: amusement, awe, inspiration and interest.  Being in the now means engaging your various senses to non-judgementally savour and capture whatever is around you.  Challenge yourself to smile, find beauty and joy in what is going around you.   There are so many grand things going on around and within you, but maybe you just aren’t seeing them. 

 Challenge your powers of observation to record the amusing, awesome, inspiring and interesting things about your present moment. You might find this very hard to begin with, but practice makes it easier, and it will improve your mood and probably your productivity too!

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THE EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN MONEY AND WELLNESS

Does money buy wellness?  We assume the answer is yes, but is it?  Regularly we read of wealthy people destroying their lives despite their riches.  We fantasize that were we a little richer, life would be awesome forever.  We work tirelessly for a financial reward, assuming that just around the corner lies wellness and bliss. 

Two of the more respected researchers ** on wellness investigated the money – wellness dilemma and below are their conclusions.

“Research does suggest there is a relationship between money and wellness.  At very low levels of earnings, money does improve overall wellness and life satisfaction.  However, we can say that the research on this topic tells us that it is generally good for your happiness to have money, but toxic to your happiness to want money too much.  A high income can help happiness, but is no sure path to it.  Therefore, readers must determine the motives underlying their desire for money, and not sacrifice too much in the pursuit of wealth.  It is important not only to spend money wisely, but to earn it wisely as well."

“That is, although money and happiness are linked, the effect of money on happiness is often not large.  Income appears to buy happiness, but the exchange rate isn’t great.  Extra dollars often amount to modest gains in happiness.”

A phenomena called the ‘Easterlin paradox’ notes that over the past fifty years or more, per capital income adjusted for inflation has more than doubled, but measures of personal happiness in the West have remained constant at 30%, meaning that about 30% of the population would describe themselves as happy.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like excellent news to me. This empowers me to seek other means to improve my well-being besides money, and focus my time and attention on more effective wellness improvement strategies.

**: Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener

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HESITATION AND THE FIVE SECOND RULE

Who doesn’t hesitate at least occasionally, if not often?  While in a warm shower, who wants to get out?  A few more minutes in bed?

“I should phone so and so.” “I should start the painting”.  We have all been there a hundred times. Joseph Addison wrote the often quoted line, “He who hesitates is lost,” yet we persist in our inability to move on or engage.

Hesitation is a combination of reluctance, fear and pleasure (short term,) prevailing over wellness (long term).  Hesitation is costly not only in lost time, but more importantly opportunities foregone.

One day I accidentally came across the simplest, most effective and cheapest solution to the hesitation dilemma.  Mel Robbins coined The 5 Second Rule* and my, does it work.  When you are in one of those hesitation situations you simply say,

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO”

and you enact whatever you are delaying, fearful of, or debating.  Get out of the shower, bed, say hello, leave or whatever.  Mel got the idea from watching a rocket launch where they say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, LIFTOFF and so she launched her own career as a motivational speaker on overcoming hesitation. Why 5 to 1, not 1 to 5?  That is part of the success formula, as counting up has no limit but counting down does hit a limit, and you have no alternative but to go.

I have shared this effective remedy with others and it really works.  Soon you appreciate that over thinking, stopping, and second guessing yourself are just defense strategies to avoid your current situation.  And then you learn that whatever you are reluctant to do was actually not that bad – you just have to get started sometimes – and that is the hardest bit.

I heartily recommend the video link below for more inspiration:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSn-L9IXbOY

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO  and click the link above (I dare you).

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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BEING IN THE FLOW

We have all been in the flow** and relish these moments.  This is where one is engaged in an activity which is both high in challenge, but matched with a high level of personal skill.  Awareness of time disappears, one is totally absorbed in the task at hand and in a state of peace, joy and total presence in the moment.  In sports, the experience of flow is described as being “in the zone”.   The importance of having a high degree of personal control over your circumstance makes the flow that much more authentic.  By contrast, the opposite of flow is apathy or boredom, where one is using few of one’s skills, and the level of task challenge is low, with generally limited autonomy.

There are challenges to being in the flow, and they can be overcome.  A good place to start is to appreciate the importance of deliberately combining high levels of challenge and skill together.  The synergy of skill and challenge can motivate you to design part of your career or leisure time to allow for more flow situations. 

Creatively and carefully look at your job or leisure time and consider where there are opportunities to develop new skills or challenging opportunities.  Look at some of your more frequent but boring or less satisfying obligations and see if they can be re-engineered to being more skillful or challenging.  I disliked the exams marking aspect of university lecturing.  Subsequently I re-engineered the exam papers, questions, answer booklets, grade allocation/calibration, marking pens, marking space and work space arrangement such that grading was more skillful and properly challenging (though never a joy).  Also see where there are opportunities for increased autonomy and design activities for skill improvement and challenge.

The awesome thing about flow is that by deliberately embedding it into your daily rituals, your occupational and intellectual well-being improves (two of the seven aspect of wellness).  

**: Mihály Csíkszentmihályi coined and researched flow extensively.  The TedTalk video noted below provides more details on flow:

www.ted.com/talks/mihaly_csikszentmihalyi_on_flow?language=af

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Seven Dimensions of Wellness – Part Two

Continuing from Tuesday’s reflection, below are the last three wellness dimensions, as described by the Wellness Program at the University of California, Riverside.

 -         Occupational Wellness is the ability to get personal fulfillment from our jobs or our chosen career fields, while still maintaining balance in our lives. Our desire to contribute in our careers, and to make a positive impact on the organizations we work in and to society as a whole, leads to Occupational Wellness.

 -         Intellectual Wellness is the ability to open our minds to new ideas and experiences that can be applied to personal decisions, group interaction and community betterment. The desire to learn new concepts, improve skills and seek challenges in pursuit of lifelong learning contributes to our Intellectual Wellness.

 -         Physical Wellness is the ability to maintain a healthy quality of life that allows us to get through our daily activities without undue fatigue or physical stress. The ability to recognize that our behaviours have a significant impact on our wellness and the adoption of healthy habits (routine checkups, a balanced diet, exercise, etc.) while avoiding destructive habits (tobacco, drugs, alcohol, etc.) will lead to optimal Physical Wellness.

 In summary, this model noted that wellness has seven aspects: social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, intellectual and physical wellness.  Is there a dimension that is weak or lacking in your wellness journey? Speculate what you might do to strengthen this area.  Similarly, appreciating the full scope of wellness may help you identify what is going well in your life and be grateful for this bounty.  Awareness of our blessings is essential to improved well-being. 

Source: University of California, Riverside, Wellness Program https://wellness.ucr.edu/seven_dimensions.html

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

Seven Dimensions of Wellness – Part One

Several researchers have investigated different spheres of wellness. Tuesday’s and Thursday’s reflections will review seven dimension of wellness, described by the Wellness Program at the University of California, Riverside.

 What is interesting about the seven dimensions is that we often associate too much importance to emotional wellness, and overlook other opportunities to improve overall well-being.

 Wellness is much more than merely physical health, exercise or nutrition. It is the full integration of states of physical, mental, and spiritual well-being. The model used by the California campus includes social, emotional, spiritual, environmental, occupational, intellectual and physical wellness. Each of these seven dimensions act and interact in a way that contributes to our own quality of life.

 -         Social Wellness is the ability to relate to and connect with other people in our world. Our ability to establish and maintain positive relationships with family, friends and co-workers contributes to our Social Wellness.

 -         Emotional Wellness is the ability to understand ourselves and cope with the challenges life can bring. The ability to acknowledge and share feelings of anger, fear, sadness, stress; or hope, love, joy and happiness in a productive manner contributes to our Emotional Wellness.

 -         Spiritual Wellness is the ability to establish peace and harmony in our lives. The ability to develop congruence between values and actions and to realize a common purpose that binds creation together contributes to our Spiritual Wellness.

 -         Environmental Wellness is the ability to recognize our own responsibility for the quality of the air, the water and the land that surrounds us. The ability to make a positive impact on the quality of our environment, be it in our homes, our communities or our planet contributes to our Environmental Wellness. 

Source: University of California, Riverside, Wellness Program https://wellness.ucr.edu/seven_dimensions.html

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

The Ten Positive Emotions (Part Two)

The last reflection listed the ten positive emotions--joy, gratitude, serenity, hope, pride, love, awe, amusement, interest and inspiration--in the order I have memorized them. [* See below for the more common negative emotions]. The next step is to actively cause, re-frame and remember your experiences through these feelings.  Similarly seeking out opportunities to be in one or several of the positive emotions can be especially powerful.

Two researchers in particular, Marcial Losada and Barbara Frederickson, note that if you increase  the ratio of positive to negative emotions above 3:1, you note  a significant improvement in well-being.  The 3:1 ratio is the tipping point where you begin to flourish rather than languish. Your life seems easier, lighter and more joyful. This ratio is also called the Positivity Ratio.

Positive Emotions 

Negative Emotions

There are two ways to make the Positivity Ratio work for you:  Increase the frequency and depth of positive emotions and/or decrease the occurrence and depth of negative emotions.  Reducing negative emotions is mostly about letting go, moving on and not ruminating on past events, or anticipating or dwelling on future situations to the detriment of the present moment. 

Positive emotions are mostly about being in the present moment.  Framing NOW with one or several of the nine positive emotions, and re-visiting and framing the past through the serenity (or savour) lens generally brings you to a better place.

Please experiment with your positive ratio and make it one of your well-being habits. Perhaps chose one or two of these emotions and filter your day and present moments through them and allow for the elevation or your spirits and sense of well-being.

*:  The eleven most common negative emotions are: Anger, anxiety, annoyance, sadness, guilt, fear, discouragement, despair, apathy, disappointment and frustration

Note, if you would like to assess your Positive Ratio for free go to:

http://www.positiveresonance.com/survey.php?loc=pos

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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