Do unto Others as You would have Others Do unto You (The Golden Rule)

The Golden Rule of life is expressed in many cultures and religions as an essential part of living and being part of a more meaningful life.

Being more thoughtful and aware of others has immediate pay-offs and instructive rewards.  Consciously holding the door open, giving up your seat, letting someone else speak, complimenting someone, letting that car in or helping someone with their luggage all trigger an immediate sense that you are mindful, thoughtful and in the moment.  Being altruistic is one of the blessing largely unique to human beings, something that defines our humanity.  Selflessness elevates one spirit the same way gratitude also does.  An easy and obvious way to implement the Golden Rule is to be of service to others. Added together, gratitude, selflessness and service compound their benefits in improved wellness.

Cultivating the habit of being more selfless opens you to being more aware of the kindness of others.  If you want your world to be kinder and more whole, start from within and project thoughtfulness; over time other will notice and reciprocate in random and wonderful ways.  Also, observe and acknowledge the kindness of others that you receive. The world is much kinder than you imagine but you have to look out for the many blessings we receive.

The reward of the Golden Rule is the gold it bestows on you; kindness, purpose, wellness and being part of a larger, more meaningful world.  Start causing the gold and cashing in.

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The Hard Work + Success → Happiness MYTH

The Hard Work + Success → Happiness MYTH

Most of you were raised on a formula of happiness that suggested that if you worked really hard someday you would be happy.  Guess what!  Recent research strongly suggests this proverb is WRONG, because it has the cause and effect reversed!!  The correct formula is:

Happiness + Hard Work → Success

If you starts with a positive, happy, optimistic frame of mind and works hard, then success, however defined, is much more likely to result and more importantly, be experienced. 

Using the traditional formula absolutely does not work as each achievement (success milestone) encourages one to set an even higher benchmark for happiness.  You get a promotion, complete a course of studies, meet the person of your dreams and you feel satisfied and happy for a few months and then you set a new target or grow accustomed to this new normal.

Instead, research suggests that if you start out with a happier, more positive disposition and work hard, success is more likely to be a bi-product. The happiness causes success cycle than repeats itself and the contentment and achievements multiply.  Your physical and mental health, life span, relationships, bank accounts and career are all generally in much better shape than when we use the traditional success causes happiness work ethic.

Re-engineering your work and life ethic to this new paradigm should not be frightening, rather it should be inspiring.  Given the counter-intuitive nature of happiness breeding success, changing to this new approach is not automatic, immediate or effortless, it requires focus and mindful attention to change your habits. The challenge now is to develop life skills which proactively and deliberately improve wellness and the likelihood of success will follow. 

For further reading, if you interested: 

The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success?, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Laura King, Ed Diener; Psychological Bulletin, Vol 131(6), Nov 2005, 803-855

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Campsite Rules

The campsite rule is: “When you leave the campsite, try to make it a little neater, cleaner, better then when you arrived.  Take away a little more litter than is yours.”  

Whereas I don’t camp much (almost never), I apply this rule to the community I live in.  The world is too weird, complicated, confused and often angry, but my local and immediate community does not have to be that way.  At the end of the day we spend at least 99% of our life in a very small, confined and intimate world of our home, local community and workplace.  Rather than fretting too much about the unfairness of the geo-political world, why not focus a lot of your attention and effort on your rather small world and seek to make it kinder, friendlier and tidier.  Your nicer local campsite makes the larger world more tolerable and accommodating.                           

I have a habit of seeking out litter as I walk along; picking it up.  Smile at the clerks in the shops that you frequent.  Greet the bus driver with a Hello and say thanks when you get off.  Hold the door open in the elevator.  Help strangers who seem lost.  Give up your seat on the bus or train.  Let that car that is try to cut in, in. Seek out ways to make your neighborhood a better place. Start an uplifting and positive conversation with that person standing next to you. Your community is your campsite, deliberately make is a nicer and friendlier place.

It may seem trivial and unimportant but, at the very least it makes you a little prouder and more positive about your world.  Curiously and wonderfully over time your immediate surroundings will feel more like home.  And your example may inspire a few others, and that is how change happens.    

Think globally, but act locally.  Make your campsite more awesome. This is pro-active, community based wellness in action.

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Human Being or Human Doing

So what are you, a human being or a human doing?  To improve wellness should you focus on being or doing? Certainly sounds like there is a difference and it is more than semantics. 

A human doing would likely be DOING; busy, active, focusing on the immediate task and what to do next. Worrying, anxious, perhaps in the flow, but only marginally, in what might be a mindful or joyful moment.

And the human being would likely be BEING; existing mindfully in the moment, NOW, feeling blessed, calm and at peace. 

It feels like BEING is a noun state of existence and DOING is a verb state of existence.  One of the biggest challenge to wellness and peace is to find and be in a BEING state of mind regularly and profoundly; society values so highly the DOING state of mind that you forget to BE in the here and NOW.  How many times have you heard, “Smell the coffee.” or “Life is about the journey, not the destination.” 

Being active and engaged is absolutely essential and valuable, but always acting in a state of action denies the present moment its due respect and purpose.  Regularly taking time out to observe your situation and circumstance, to pause and see the glory of your present moment; to be thankful; to reflect on your very existence; to seek out something wonderful, unique, curious, special and worthy of sharing.

Actively and purposely doing the act of BEING is what makes you a human being and lets you escape the endless pursuit of activity and what to do next. 

When Preparation meets Opportunity

Some people just seem to be so lucky, or blessed. Life just seems to go their way. Why so?? Why not me?

One views suggests that luck is passive, random and largely beyond one’s control. Good things might happen to me, but I do not cause them to happen. Another view is that luck is less random and is often caused or encouraged by mindful intervention.

Steven Leacock has said, “I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more of it I have.” I think that being lucky in life largely occurs when preparation meets opportunity.

One can significantly increase one’s likelihood of good fortune in life by consciously maturing skills and attitudes that are useful in one’s line of work. Putting yourself at risk and exposing yourself to opportunity is also a major factor. So many people miss out on opportunities because they do not put themselves forward, often from the mistaken belief that they are not good enough.

 For your career or calling, start by learning your craft and developing your skills, observing closely the rules of the game in your profession and identifying influencers or key players in that area. Start walking the walk and talking the talk. Be authentic and focused, but also be realistic. Unrealistic hopes are bound to disappoint; but realistic aspirations, deliberately planned, seem to yield “luckier” outcomes. This is the preparation part.

Next, start looking for those opportunities. Put yourself at risk and expose yourself to situations where opportunities related to your calling or aspirations are present. Cause opportunity by going outside your comfort zone, and try networking beyond your traditional circle of acquaintances. Invest some of your leisure time to researching in detail the more complex aspects of your goal.

An important ingredient of luck is to be in the right place at the right time, with the requisite skills. Strategically do your preparation and imagine not only your next move, but your next several moves – having a plan doesn’t mean it will succeed, but it has to be better than having no plan at all. It is no coincidence that those who work harder and smarter seem to be luckier. And once the ball starts rolling, luck seems to multiply and flow more easily.

Framing (and Reframing) your Experiences

Framing is a description of how your mind captures and perceives your experiences or circumstances on a moment by moment basis. Continuously while you are awake, events are occurring around you and your brain is trying to make sense of them. Your senses receive various stimuli and your mind builds a picture of this moment. Up to 90% of that experience is how the mind framed or pictured it, and as little as 10% is objective reality. 

As upwards of 90% of a moment is a matter of perception and framing, that means you have a lot of opportunity to make your present reality (NOW) wonderful, painful, awful, joyful or many other emotions in-between. What frame of mind you start with is powerful. 

What is your default tone? Is it positive or negative, awesome or awful, optimistic or pessimistic? You are your own spin doctor and that initial spin taints everything.

One of the more insightful books on wellness that I have read is by Martin Seligman and it is called ‘Learned Optimism’. Seligman, backed by substantial research findings, suggests that you can activity learn how to frame (or reframe) your circumstances to view them in a more positive light. 

Experiment with whatever you are doing at this moment. How many ways could this moment be captured? Frame it as many different ways as you can imagine. Practice reframing your first impressions. Watch your initial reflexes: are they helpful or harmful? Deliberately, consciously and vocally put a positive spin on your present moment. Find that “silver lining” of your NOW. Yes, it is raining BUT the plants are pleased. Yes, X is a difficult person BUT they are in a tough place. YES BUT...

After a while constructive and affirmative re-framing and framing will become a mindful habit.

Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

Developing an attitude of gratitude is an essential ingredient in my recipe for wellness.

It is a deliberate and conscious exercise of being, acknowledging the wonderful portions of your current circumstance, whatever that might be.

Not everything in this moment is awesome, but if you look about you there are certainly a few good things happening to or around you. If you are not used to thinking in this way, it is a good idea to keep a gratitude journal and to make yourself note down at least three things you have to be grateful for each day. Appreciate these good things and be mindful of them – the more you practice this attitude, the easier it becomes, until it becomes a habit of mind. Developing this attitude of mind can be hard and it requires effort, but it is so worthwhile.

Consciously challenge yourself to experience these better or more wonderful aspects of your present moment, your now. Make it a habit to pause in thankfulness. Share these thoughts with friends and colleagues, if this feels appropriate. Encourage and engage those near to you to share their blessings. Your life and your circle of friends will be blessed by your more positive attitude. 

Being joyful is an active and engaged state of being; wellness does not exist in a vacuum. Having an attitude of gratitude makes your joy deeper, more profound and re-generating. You know you are in a moment of joy because you are praising that moment in an active way.

Openness is essential as you should be deliberately aware and looking out for your good fortune and blessings.

Recounting the happiness and bounty you have experienced makes you the keener to re-experience that now moment again, but in a different way. What is repeated is the joyfulness.

Gratitude causes joy to synergize and multiply.

How to make your Smaller Cup Fuller

Reframing situations in my life so that I have a smaller cup has been incredibly empowering. Can we stay with this wisdom a little longer? 

Don’t misunderstand this: I am not suggesting that you simply desire a smaller cup and your current situation is forever good enough, allowing you to sit back and never have another aspirational thought again. NO!! Rather, I would suggest that being aspirational, self-motivated and proactive are easier attitudes to adopt when we feel higher levels of self-esteem and contentment. The secret is in finding a balance between contentment and aspiration - how full is the optimum level of our cup?

The range of 65 to 75% full works for me. Goals should be challenging and attainable, but not overwhelming. When my cup is around 70% full, I am encouraged to keep trying hard and to keep seeking out new challenges and opportunities. One of the more insightful movies I saw was “What about Bob?’ One of the characters is a psychiatrist whose treatment protocol is about baby steps. The trick is to forever make your cup grow a little bigger: grow your cup, but grow it slowly. 

One is forever in a state of either growth or decline: it is like you are rowing up a river, and if you stop rowing you don’t stay still – you go backwards. As I achieved a new milestone, I invented a new goal that were just a little bit beyond my current reach. Just a little further out there, but always within reach. Small increments in the long run advance us towards our goals. 

To implement the smaller cup lifestyle, start by finding you own best state of being “full”. And remember to keep expanding your cup in small steps - even let it overflow once in the while! Over a lifetime, a healthily realistic, but nonetheless essentially optimistic, attitude towards life’s situations and challenges can create a tremendous sense of well being and bounty.

A Smaller Cup

When looking at your life, I am sure that you have heard the question, “Is your cup half full or half empty?”  It is a simple query that suggests whether you are an optimist (half full) or a pessimist (half empty). Using this question, it is implied that you can be classified into one of two camps, but can we rephrase our response?

Imagine if the cup were smaller, then it would be fuller with the same amount of liquid. So a better reply might be, “This cup is just too big. I need a smaller cup.”  Instead of being half full or half empty, you now receive a much more generous looking portion. 

In life, by reframing a situation, by simply changing our expectations, we can change our attitudes and create more joy in our lives. Some of us expect so much from life that we cannot help but be left wanting – nothing is ever quite enough to satisfy. By expecting less (having a smaller cup), we will be more happy and content with the good things that come our way.

Picture and experience how this reframing of the half a cup question changes the answer; the cup is now over half full.  You are encouraged to feel special, indeed fortunate and blessed.  Can you picture or feel the joy and the calm of the fuller cup sensation, compared to either the half full or the half empty alternative? 

If there is only one take away from everything I ever share with you, may it be this one:

Get a smaller cup, and relish its fullness.