No Sunk Costs

One of the more obvious truisms in economics is the fact that past actions are irrelevant in terms of making choices about what one might do today.  These past decisions are called SUNK COST; being that they are sunk and cannot be reversed, recovered, or revised; what has happened cannot be changed, they are forever sunk.  Whereas the economic and logical truth of the irrelevance of sunk cost and past choices is irrefutable, our emotional attachment to our past and unwillingness to let go of it is often overwhelming.

For example, countless times I have advised and observed learners who seriously dislike accountancy in all its form. When I confront them about their distain and how they ought to pursue a different major and career, the restrain is usual, “I cannot change focus, I have been studying accountancy for three or four years.”  Invariably they graduate with their accountant degree and an adequate grade, and later perhaps a professional designation, but there never was an accountant inside.  They win the education/career battle but lost the education/career war.

Consider what following story by Jason Zweig, a Wall Street Journal investment columnist while he was working with psychologist Daniel Kahneman on writing his book Thinking, Fast and Slow. Zweig tells a story about a personality quirk of Kahneman’s that served him well:

Nothing amazed me more about Danny than his ability to detonate what we had just done,” Zweig wrote. He and Kahneman could work endlessly on a chapter, but: The next thing you know, Kahneman sends a version so utterly transformed that it is unrecognizable: It begins differently, it ends differently, it incorporates anecdotes and evidence you never would have thought of, it draws on research that you’ve never heard of. “When I asked Danny how he could start again as if we had never written an earlier draft,” Zweig continued, “he said the words I’ve never forgotten: ‘I have no sunk costs.’” Sunk costs—anchoring decisions to past efforts that can’t be refunded—are a devil in a world where people change over time. They make our future selves’ prisoners to our past, different, selves. It’s the equivalent of a stranger making major life decisions for you.*

What are your sunk costs that are hindering your progress?  What is it that is time to let go of and move on from?

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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*: The Psychology of Money: Timeless lessons on wealth, greed, and happiness by Morgan Housel

CONFIDENCE AND RISK TAKING

Consider a small child learning to do something for the first time: they fail at activities many times over, but they keep persisting until they do it, with encouragement from their parents. As we get older, we gradually become more and more cautious, as each perceived failure eats away at our ability to take risks. If we are not careful, we can end up with a life in which we live totally and only within our comfort zones, never taking any risks at all. Sounds good to you? Well, that kind of life can feel stifling in the end, and lead to later life regrets.

 If you are confident in yourself but do not take risks related to this faith in yourself, this could easily be false confidence.  If you have faith in yourself that you can do something but do not test that ability by doing something challenging (and potentially failing), then that confidence is likely shallow or misplaced.  By taking risks and pushing your given abilities, your confidence and faith in yourself matures.  Your confidence grows as your continue to challenge yourself.

 Confidence and risk taking are two sides of the same coin; they can mutually build up or undermine each other.  If you are confident you should reasonably be more able to do more challenging tasks.  Taking risks and exploring new opportunities to grow increases your abilities and the assurance you have in these skills. Conversely, not testing yourself stalls your improvement and inhibits getting better.  Soon not taking risk becomes the norm and your skills are constrained.

 Risk taking enhances your confidence and confidence can encourage you to take more risk. Managed together you will grow and experience a more complete and purposeful sense of well-being.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Your “One” Sentence

In 1962, Clare Boothe Luce, one of the first women to serve in the U.S. Congress, offered some advice to President John F. Kennedy. “A great man,” she told him, “is one sentence.” Abraham Lincoln’s sentence was: “He preserved the union and freed the slaves.” Franklin Roosevelt’s was: “He lifted us out of a great depression and helped us win a world war.*

You don’t need to be the president of the USA, or your local PTA, to ponder this curious challenge. At the core of this one sentence summary is the issue: What is your PURPOSE? What larger than life goal gets you up in the morning and inspires you to want to make a difference?  Rather than imagining your eulogy or shortened CV, the one sentence summary of your purpose cuts to the quick of what really matters to you.

In fairness, I think you really have two short sentences. 

The first, is the overarching sense of purpose as it relates to your relationship and spiritual journey.  What does your soul yearn for?  How do you want to be remembered by the people in your life that are your heritage and legacy? What soulful difference do you want to make to them? This sentence stays relatively constant, but how you actualize it changes with time.

The second, less important but still significant, one sentence would relate to your sphere of influence, be that work, family or within your community.  For me, that sentence has significantly evolved as my career matured and I more clearly understood the potential purpose of what my career might do, but for others their purpose and goals may look very different.  When I started lecturing over forty years ago, I could not have imagined how profoundly I could make a difference to my learners.  Similarly, depending on where your sphere of influence resides, the way you can purposely make a difference changes. When you are younger, it can be more of a challenge to define that larger opportunity, but don’t wait until you are in your fifties to articulate your sentence.  The clearer and sooner that sentence is written, the more chance you have to see it effectively realised.

As you contemplate your purpose, begin with the big question: What are your two  sentences?

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*: Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us by Daniel H. Pink

The Hard Work + Success → Happiness MYTH

Most of you were raised on a formula of happiness that suggested that if you worked really hard someday you would be happy.  Guess what!  Recent research strongly suggests this proverb is WRONG, because it has the cause and effect reversed!!  The correct formula is:

Happiness + Hard Work → Success

If you start with a positive, happy, optimistic frame of mind and works hard, then success, however defined, is much more likely to result and more importantly, be experienced. 

Using the traditional formula absolutely does not work as each achievement (success milestone) encourages one to set an even higher benchmark for happiness.  You get a promotion, complete a course of studies, meet the person of your dreams and you feel satisfied and happy for a few months and then you set a new target or grow accustomed to this new normal.

Instead, research suggests that if you start out with a happier, more positive disposition and work hard, success is more likely to be a bi-product. The happiness causes success cycle than repeats itself and the contentment and achievements multiply.  Your physical and mental health, life span, relationships, bank accounts and career are all generally in much better shape than when we use the traditional success causes happiness work ethic.

Re-engineering your work and life ethic to this new paradigm should not be frightening, rather it should be inspiring.  Given the counter-intuitive nature of happiness breeding success, changing to this new approach is not automatic, immediate or effortless, it requires focus and mindful attention to change your habits. The challenge now is to develop life skills which proactively and deliberately improve wellness and the likelihood of success will follow. 

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Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

 For further reading, if you interested: 

The Benefits of Frequent Positive Affect: Does Happiness Lead to Success?, Sonja Lyubomirsky, Laura King, Ed Diener; Psychological Bulletin, Vol 131(6), Nov 2005, 803-855

FIGHT, FLIGHT or ??

We have all heard the saying it is either fight or flight when in a tense situation.  We imagine these are the only two alternatives but fortunately there is a third choice, which is to PAUSE and reflect on the situation.  Certainly, up until about 200 years ago the threats to your person were very real and ever present, so being alert was a good idea.  But today, such risky encounters are rare, so neither fight nor flight may be the right thing to do.

 I have learnt the hard way that the binary nature of fight or flight is not a good idea.  By nature, I tend to opt for fight and let anger get the better of me in a tense situation. I remember many of my angry moments with regret as the penalty can be serious and even career limiting.   Flight was not in my character and the moment overtook me. For others, they regret flight and not standing up to a challenge.

 Then the notion of PAUSE occurred to me.  When things went pear shaped, I took a step back and reflected on what was going on. I considered whether anger or flight were a good idea or whether better still, maybe things were not as I imagined them to be. 

 Indeed, more likely than not it was my imagined view of the situation that was wrong. Pausing to access the situation often made me realize my assumptions about the facts were incomplete, biased, overly emotional or just plain irrational and self-centered.  Allowing time to reflect and contemplate the consequences of my actions was so timely, but something I did not do in the past.

 In psychology, what I am describing is called cognitive behavioral therapy (or CBT*).  Pausing and deliberately reframing your reactions into a more thoughtful, objective, less emotional or personalized response certainly takes the sting out of many tense situations.  Pausing lets you find the middle route where you see opportunities for growth, reduced conflict and harmony.

 The pause button is on all videos for good reason, it allows you to freeze the moment.  Hit your pause button (count to ten) when the going starts to get weird and overly emotional, it can save a lot of grief later in life.

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 *:  There is a huge body of research and practice related to CBT, do check it out, especially if you are fight inclined.

UNDER PROMISING

Years ago I was involved in an undertaking that was very frustrating.  The person I reported to was making promises and commitments, but rarely achieved anything near what was suggested.  Over time, I lost interest in the project due to embarrassment and disappointment.  Whereas the underlying project was interesting and achievable, the misleading expectations that were created ultimately lead to the project being abandoned, despite its potential.

 As I look back at that episode I learned an important lesson: under promise and over deliver.  It is better to please than disappoint someone, as we tend to harbour disappointments for a long time.  Over delivering generates surprise and gratitude – you have done more than expected.

 We are often far more eager to talk up rather than to downplay an opportunity.  Promising early delivery, significant improvements, amazing low cost, stunning quality is all great marketing, but it isn’t necessarily a good idea.  If the actual result will likely be less than promised; the achievement is depreciated in the eyes of the friend, customer or colleague.

 The consequence of over promising is that one’s reputation for reliability and integrity can be undermined.  In the longer term, what is more important, one’s reputation or a quick sale?  You may win the battle (getting the immediate reward), but lose the war (the next opportunity or a more sustained relationship with that person or client).  Eventually, earning the trust and confidence of others is what should really matter.

 Under promising means being very realistic about what can be delivered and then adding a margin for error.  Knowingly quoting a higher cost, later delivery date or lower performance and later actually surprising the customers, friend or colleague with a better result is a winning formula.  In the short run you may lose a few deals, friends or promotions, but in the longer run you will definitely gain an advantage of trust.  

 Having a reputation for integrity and honouring your word is priceless, and it bears huge dividends in the longer run. 

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PEAK – END RULE

Imagine you had a choice of either:

-         Experiencing a rather unpleasant experience for five minutes, with the worst moments about three minutes into the process,  or

-         Experiencing the same unpleasant five minute ordeal, but with another two minutes added of a slightly less unpleasant but tolerable experience (seven minutes in all).

 Or consider this choice:

-         A one week vacation at an over-the-top exclusive destination with all the amenities, indulgences, experiences you fancy, or

-         A two week vacation, for the same cost in a nearby destination, which is pretty amazing but not over the top.

 Nobel economist Daniel Kahneman* researched these types of options and noted generally that, using the above choices, the longer unpleasant experience and the shorter vacation were the preferred options.  He summarized this research and coined the term PEAK-END RULE. What we REMEMBER is the most intense or peak moment (whether pleasant or unpleasant) and the last moment.  We don’t necessarily forget the other details; we just tend to describe the encounter by the most intense and last events and overlook much of the other occurrences. If I think back on certain episodes in my life, then it was the best or worst moments and how it finished that I remember and retell.

 This is a rather powerful insight and has influenced my travel style.  I now pay much more attention to the last day of my travel and how I get back home.  I more willingly splurge on doing those things that are unique but can be pricey. I don’t try to stay away longer but now focus on staying away better.

 Managing experiences and CAUSING AND CREATING MEMORIES is an amazing opportunity for a well lived and remembered life.  What you remember can have a powerful positive effect on your well-being.

 Going forward, plan your peak and end experiences deliberately and manage carefully how you finish.  Make it a goal to finish well.  Create wonderful final recollections and reduce disagreeable endings where possible - that is a manageable undertaking, and well worth seizing.

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*: Fredrickson, Barbara L.; Kahneman, Daniel (1993). "Duration neglect in retrospective evaluations of affective episodes". Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. 65 (1): 45–55.

RESILIENCE

Recently I visited a museum which aimed to highlight the living conditions of the local working class population at various time intervals in history – it went back to 1805 and then each subsequent house advanced on another 50 years. What immediately struck me was how primitive and harsh life was back then, and more alarming still, two of the examples were from 1955 and 1985 in the UK.  Some of the examples had no flush toilets, hot running water, central heating, vacuum cleaners, colour TV or many of the other conveniences we assume are necessities today.

 I speculated that life then had as many wonderful and special moments of joy and wellness as we have today.  Then, as now, likely 30% of those living in the UK would have rated their life as very happy (see September 23 Reflection, THE EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN MONEY AND WELLNESS).  Once the hurdle of serious poverty is overcome, more money does not translate into more wellness. 

As I looked at these simpler environments of earlier generations, I admired the bravery and determination of those bygone years and wondered what the missing link today was?   Resilience and tenacity, I concluded.  Life was tough, creature comforts were limited, but people still got up in the morning with purpose and a smile.

 Unfortunately, today we seem to expect comfort and convenience or else we complain.  Rather than looking inside for purpose we turn to Amazon or the internet for a remedy.  A better prescription would be resilience.  Training one’s resilience occurs when one mindfully adjusts to and positively embraces your current circumstance, especially when it is less than ideal. 

 Being without something you want, savouring the longing and then resolving that you are better without it matures your emotional suppleness and makes you a better person.  Being determined to want less and being grateful for what you have demonstrates what your real needs are.  This focuses your tenacious energy to do what is necessary to achieve your higher goal. 

 Wonderfully, exercising one’s resilience and tenacity is, of itself, empowering, joyful and uplifting.

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WHERE SHOULD I START?

So many times I have had a sense of feeling overwhelmed, not knowing what to do next or how.  And then I remember one of the more clever song lines from of all places, the Sound of Music!  Julie Andrews sang:

 “Let start at the very beginning - a very good place to start.”

 I learned this lesson on the first day of my professional career, when I was given a task for which I had no training (and a charge out rate of $16/hour, which was a lot of money in those days).  I spend the rest of that day and the start of the following day just puzzled and totally overwhelmed.  And then it dawned on me what the problem was: I did not know where to start.  So I started at what was the obvious first step. I have seen the same challenge countless times when students complete exams: they don’t know where to begin an exam question.

 Acknowledging that one does not know where to start is very helpful when it comes to problem solving.  So often we start in the middle or near the end of the solution process, only to backtrack, go sideways and finally come up with a mediocre conclusion. 

 Mindfully pausing, carefully defining the challenge, admitting to yourself you are lost and deliberately planning a way forward, can seem so unnatural.  But it works!! Eventually seeking out the origin of the problem and an organized sequential path forward might become your pattern of problem solving and decision making.

 Pausing and planning is a very efficient and effective strategy. Carefully defining the first few steps in the solution process works very well.  Then check the task regularly to see whether you seem to be on the correct path.

 Starting at the beginning is a very good place to start.

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Fake it Till you Make it

I see this regularly when I teach, a students who decided that the subject, instructor and/or university is terrible.  No amount of encouragement or humour will move the learner from this determined belief.  Guess what, from their perspective the results bare out their pre-conceptions, they unhappily labour at the subject matter and end up doing less well and it was all because the subject or whatever was terrible.

Fortunately, I also see others who acknowledge that the subject matter or instructor leaves much to be desired but soldiers on but with a different perspective.  They have decided to reframe the situation and initially pretend that the subject matter or task is intriguing and engaging.  Slowly the course or experience becomes enjoyable and the results are acceptable and worthwhile.

When I am in many encounters I have at least two choices.  First, do I perceive it positively or negatively?  Secondly, how much effort will I have to exert to convince myself that indeed it is a joyful undertaking?  How much faking will it take to convince (fool) myself that this moment and experience is at least okay and perhaps wonderful?

If one waits for evidence to convince oneself that the present moment is grand, it is very likely that most of those moments and NOW will be spent waiting, being less engaged and disappointed.  Consider carefully, if there is no realistic alternative to your present moment.  If there is no Plan B but only the current Plan A, than fake it till you make Plan A awesome or at least bearable.  If there is a Plan B, either take it and actively start faking it that this is ideal or totally drop Plan B and make Plan A your joy present moment.

Research shows that mind over matter, convincing yourself that what is your present moment is ideal is very helpful and does work. Fake it till you make it may initially seek to “fool” you but you may be a fool not to actively try it.

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I DON’T KNOW

Early in my career, when I was asked a question that challenged my knowledge or understanding I would venture an answer based on my best, educated guess.  Partly out of pride and false confidence, an answer would emerge. 

 Then one day I changed my reply to: “That was a good question. I don’t know. Can I get back to you on that?” if I was less than certain of the answer.

 Publicly acknowledging that I did not know was wonderful; a true breath of relief to admit my limitations.  Letting go of thinking or acting as if you know more than you really do is such a joy.  It encouraged my learning and zeal in my area of expertise as I now had topics to explore more carefully and curiously.  That small uncertainty was so exciting, I could probe some obscure issue with a new perspective.

 I have learned to understand the empowerment of admitting I don’t know and sharing my limitations that with others.  This honesty increases the confidence in what I do know and understand, but adds a note of humility and sincerity to my advice and instruction.  It is okay to have gaps in your knowledge.

 I noticed that others were fine with me not knowing the precise answer, particularly when I did get back to them later.  This ignorance seemed to increase their trust in what I otherwise suggested.  Being overconfident in your expertise is unnecessary and possibly even unprofessional.

 Being humble and honest about what you don’t know opens you to being in awe of your body of knowledge.  Exploring these omissions is good for your critical thinking abilities.  Humbly admitting you don’t know something is excellent medicine for your well-being.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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THE EXCHANGE RATE BETWEEN MONEY AND WELLNESS

Does money buy wellness?  We assume the answer is yes, but is it?  Regularly we read of wealthy people destroying their lives despite their riches.  We fantasize that were we a little richer, life would be awesome forever.  We work tirelessly for a financial reward, assuming that just around the corner lies wellness and bliss. 

Two of the more respected researchers ** on wellness investigated the money – wellness dilemma and below are their conclusions.

“Research does suggest there is a relationship between money and wellness.  At very low levels of earnings, money does improve overall wellness and life satisfaction.  However, we can say that the research on this topic tells us that it is generally good for your happiness to have money, but toxic to your happiness to want money too much.  A high income can help happiness, but is no sure path to it.  Therefore, readers must determine the motives underlying their desire for money, and not sacrifice too much in the pursuit of wealth.  It is important not only to spend money wisely, but to earn it wisely as well."

“That is, although money and happiness are linked, the effect of money on happiness is often not large.  Income appears to buy happiness, but the exchange rate isn’t great.  Extra dollars often amount to modest gains in happiness.”

A phenomena called the ‘Easterlin paradox’ notes that over the past fifty years or more, per capital income adjusted for inflations has more than doubled, but measures of personal happiness in the West have remained constant at 30%, meaning that about 30% of the population would describe themselves as happy.

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like excellent news to me. This empowers me to seek other means to improve my well-being besides money and focus my time and attention on more effective wellness improvement strategies.

Reflection Source:  www.Smallercup.org

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**: Happiness: Unlocking the Mysteries of Psychological Wealth by Ed Diener, Robert Biswas-Diener

YOU REAP WHAT YOU SOW

I am a rather simple person who relies on a few brief and succinct rules that get me though my day and life.  At around nine or ten I was taught and understood the Golden Rule (Do unto others as you would have others to unto you ).  That guidance worked very well in my youth, but it did not seem concise  or sufficient to me as I got order as it ignored the fact that much of life is about making awkward trade-offs.  How you are perceived by others, the reputation you earn, and how you balance short-term and long-term consequences of your choices, to me, left the Golden Rule wanting.

 As my career progressed, my reputation became the metric that I used to mediate many of my choices.  One’s reputation takes years to cultivate; are you becoming the person you want to be and remembered as? So, my revised rules for life became:

You reap what your sow.

Or

What goes round, comes around.

 Either advice is essentially the same, they remind me of the consequences of my actions.  I set in motion reactions and effects that will come back to reward or haunt me.  People and life seem to have an amazing memory: what I do does seem to rebound back on me. 

 These mottos are generally framed in the negative, implying that bad deeds will plague the doer with unfortunate outcomes. However, it is the positive possibilities and rewards of doing good that excites me.  Mindfully doing ethical and kind deeds, will, over time, mature the habit and natural inclination to have integrity and compassion.  Being aware of the reputational rewards of your actions keeps the long-term in focus which is a useful moral compass.

 Acquiring a reputation for integrity, fairness and willingness to help others  ABSOLUTELY does incline others to treat you in a similar manner. It also makes you more open to receive kindness from others. Yes, sometimes your kindness is not reciprocated, or you are taken advantage of, but this is very much the exception. 

 Being fair and  equitable to others is empowering and it does pay significant dividends.   Plant the seed of your integrity and reputation early and often, it will define you later in your career and life.  The rewards are immense (and make your eulogy more kindly and gentle).

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FEES OR FINES

As a Chartered Accountant I know all about income taxes.  However,  I try to look at the taxes I pay as a FEE for the PRIVILEGE of living in a compassionate society and country.*  What a blessing to live in a functioning democracy and the success it has afforded me to pursue my dreams and ambitions.  Many others see income taxes as an arbitrary FINE or PENALTY imposed by others that should be diligently avoided by whatever legitimate means.  Fussing about the tax liabilities can become their all-consuming obsession. 

 When life imposes negative consequences and setbacks, do you view these obstacles as fees or fines?  A fine is a penalty that you should avoid, whereas a fee is the price you pay in exchange for a privilege that nice or favourable.    When you get a speeding ticket, or you bang your head, is it a fine for being negligent or clumsy, or a fee that just happens while you are charging about?  You can 100% avoid traffic tickets, bumps and bruises by staying at home and wearing protective gear. Do you perceive these reversals as punishments or as a learning lesson so you can enjoy traveling about?  Or do you  just get on with life and look at your misfortunes and curveballs as learning opportunities and the fee for fun and adventure?

 The fine or fee conundrum is similar to the rights or privileges dilemma.  A wellness perspective views our circumstances largely as a fee for privileges, which invites a sense of gratitude.  A fine or rights view views our favourable circumstances as an entitlement, which would dismiss any sense of gratitude.

 You can get stuck in a ritual of trying to avoid or minimize fines and adverse outcomes or chose to enjoy your situation as the post-fine bounty of being alive. In life there is no such thing as a free lunch: every engagement is an exchange that has a cost.  Most of these costs are non-financial but rather emotional or physical, but real none-the-less.

 Seeing life through a fine paying lens can easily distract you from your present moment.  I’d rather accept the travails of life as fees incurred with lessons to be enjoyed and learned than let fines haunt my life and daily experiences. 

 I’m totally fine with fees, the more fees you pay the more life you may experience.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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 *:  For the record, I do look for opportunities to gently manage my tax liabilities, but I quickly let go and willingly pay to Caesar what is due to Caesar.

 Also, remember the more tax you pay the income you likely earn and get to keep after tax.  If you really want to reduce your income taxes to zero, take the oath of perpetual poverty and join a monastery.

SELF-MOTIVATED

Sandra Richter noted:

“The difference between work and play is who is making you do it.”*

For most of my career I would describe my employment arrangement as being paid to play.   How so??

First, I absolutely convinced myself that I enjoyed what I was doing . In particular, I reminded myself how fortunate I was when I was doing the least preferred aspect of my job (marking assignments).

Second, I became obsessed with being self-motivated.   I was at play, not work. I wasn’t working for the man; I was working for me. I wanted to be doing what I was doing.

Third, I set small daily goals so I could continuously achieve them. A daily to-do list of a few goals kept me focused and I regularly got the enjoyment of crossing chores off.

Finally, I forever sought out and nurtured new opportunities, which were either challenging or improved my craft. 

The opposite of being self-motivated is  being unenthusiastic, indifferent or disinterested.  These are easy mindsets to fall into and do nothing for your well-being.  As you go down this road of emotions, your present and future experiences can easily become more and more dire and unsatisfactory.

Central to converting my career into an amazing calling was the idea of being self-motivated by telling myself:  I wanted to be doing what I was doing; I actively enjoyed what I was doing, and I mindfully understood that I had to reinforce the cycle of doing and enjoying what I was doing.  This self-perpetuating cycle of being self-motivated can be applied to most things you do, whether it is mowing the lawn, doing the dishes or whatever chore you are engaged in. 

Challenge yourself to be enthusiastic, keen and energetic about whatever is before you.  Being positive is a habit which requires mindful practice and patience to mature but the wellness pay-off is immense.

Reflection Source: www.smallercup.org

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*:          The Epic of Eden: A Christian Entry into the Old Testament by Sandra L. Richter

HESITATION

Who doesn’t hesitate at least occasionally, if not often?  While in a warm shower, who wants to get out?  A few more minutes in bed?

“I should phone so and so.” “I should start the painting”.  We have all been there a hundred times. Joseph Addison wrote the often quoted line, “He who hesitates is lost,” yet we persist in our inability to move on or engage.

Hesitation is a combination of reluctance, fear and pleasure (short term,) prevailing over wellness (long term).  Hesitation is costly not only in lost time, but more importantly opportunities foregone.

One day I accidently came across the simplest, most effective and cheapest solution to the hesitation dilemma.  Mel Robbins coined The 5 Second Rule* and my, does it work.  When you are in one of those hesitation situations you simply say,

“5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO”

and you enact whatever you are delaying, fearful of, or debating.  Get out of the shower, bed, say hello, leave or whatever.  Mel got the idea from watching a rocket launch where they say 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, LIFTOFF and so she launched her own career as a motivational speaker on overcoming hesitation. Why 5 to 1, not 1 to 5?  That is part of the success formula, as counting up has no limit but counting down does hit a limit, and you have no alternative but to go.

I have shared this effective remedy with others and it really works.  Soon you appreciate that over thinking, stopping, and second guessing yourself are just defense strategies to avoid your current situation.  And then you learn that whatever you are reluctant to do was actually not that bad – you just have to get started sometimes – and that is the hardest bit.

I heartily recommend the video link below for more inspiration:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HSn-L9IXbOY

5, 4, 3, 2, 1, GO  and click the link above (I dare you).

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THE CAMP SITE RULE

The campsite rule is: “When you leave the campsite, try to make it a little neater, cleaner, and better then when you arrived.  Take away a little more litter than is yours.”  

 Whereas I don’t camp much (almost never), I apply this rule to the community I live in.  The world is too weird, complicated, confused and often angry, but my local and immediate community does not have to be that way.  At the end of the day we spend at least 99% of our life in a very small, confined and intimate world of our home, local community and workplace. 

Rather than fretting too much about the unfairness of the geo-political world, why not focus a lot of your attention and effort on your rather small world and seek to make it kinder, friendlier and tidier.  Your nicer local campsite makes the larger world more tolerable and accommodating.                            

I have a habit of seeking out litter as I walk along; picking it up.  Smile at the clerks in the shops that you frequent.  Greet the bus driver with a Hello and say thanks when you get off.  Hold the door open in the elevator.  Help strangers who seem lost.  Give up your seat on the bus or train.  Let that car that is try to cut in, in. Seek out ways to make your neighborhood a better place. Start an uplifting and positive conversation with that person standing next to you. Your community is your campsite, deliberately make is a nicer and friendlier place.

 It may seem trivial and unimportant but, at the very least it makes you a little prouder and more positive about your world.  Curiously and wonderfully, over time your immediate surroundings will feel more like home.  And your example may inspire a few others, and that is how change happens.    

 Think globally but act locally.  Make your campsite more awesome. This is pro-active, community-based wellness in action.

  Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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When Preparation meets Opportunity

Some people just seem to be so lucky or blessed.  Life just seems to go their way. Why so??  Why not me?

One view suggests that luck is passive, random and largely beyond one’s control. Good things might happen to me, but I do not cause them to happen.  Another view is that luck is less random and is often caused or encouraged by mindful intervention.

Steven Leacock has said, “I am a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more of it I have.” I think that being lucky in life largely occurs when preparation meets opportunity.

One can significantly increase one’s likelihood of good fortune in life by consciously maturing skills and attitudes that are useful in one’s line of work. Putting yourself at risk and exposing yourself to opportunity is also a major factor. So many people miss out on opportunities because they do not put themselves forward, often from the mistaken belief that they are not good enough.

 For your career or calling, start by learning your craft and developing your skills, observing closely the rules of the game in your profession and identifying influencers or key players in that area.  Start walking the walk and talking the talk. Be authentic and focused, but also be realistic. Unrealistic hopes are bound to disappoint; but realistic aspirations, deliberately planned, seem to yield “luckier” outcomes. This is the preparation part.

Next, start looking for those opportunities.  Put yourself at risk and expose yourself to situations where opportunities related to your calling or aspirations are present. Cause opportunity by going outside your comfort zone and try networking beyond your traditional circle of acquaintances. Invest some of your leisure time to researching in detail the more complex aspects of your goal.

An important ingredient of luck is to be in the right place at the right time, with the requisite skills.  Strategically do your preparation and imagine not only your next move, but your next several moves – having a plan doesn’t mean it will succeed, but it has to be better than having no plan at all.

It is no coincidence that those who work harder and smarter seem to be luckier. And once the ball starts rolling, luck seems to multiply and flow more easily.

Reflection Source: www.smallercup.org

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FOLLOWERSHIP AND FELLOWSHIP

There is so much discussion and focus on leadership and leadership skills. If one listens to this chatter one might think there was a shortage of able and honourable leaders and a leadership crisis.  If there is a problem, is it at the leader or follower end of the spectrum?  Likely a bit of both, but it might be useful and fair to look at the followership issue.  As in sports, does firing the coach necessarily solve a team’s poor performance for more than a game or two, or are the players the more likely culprit?

Most of us will forever be followers, and escape the challenge of being a senior leader.  Heads of organizations need to make complex trade-offs, absorb immense information, meet countless people, travel tirelessly and work significantly longer hours than we do. Are we being fair, objective or informed?

 If there are leadership skills, there are also followership skills.  Let’s start with giving the leader the benefit of the doubt: maybe we need to second-guess question them less often.  Let’s appreciate the complexity of the choices and trade-offs that have to be made.  Do we use the same scale when we evaluate our own behaviors?   What about the fact the boss does not have perfect information, and has to make judgement calls and predictions?  Is it reasonable that we have a tendency to assume those in authority as having less moral or ethical character then we have?  Using hindsight to second guess the superior’s decision can be a little harsh. Let’s accept the fact that leaders, like followers, are trying their very best given their natural limitations.

 I am not suggesting that we blindly follow leaders.  Rather it is accepting that often those in authority will make different choices than we might.  Where we disagree, let’s invest the effort to get as informed on the matter as we can, or else hold our fire. 

 Followership is a willingness to give up power for a higher collective good. Being an excellent subordinate is more than team work and collaboration.  It speaks to the notions of letting go of power, independence and finding internal resources to make the process of being led more agreeable. 

 Followership and fellowship share many common themes; that of being cooperative, tolerant, fair minded, inclusive and deferring to others for the good of the larger entity.

 Better followership will lead to improved fellowship (including with the leaders) for those accepting their leaders and their leadership.

 Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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Significance

There is a story about Mother Teresa (Noble Peace Prize 1979) being on an airplane and sitting next to a passenger who was extolling his amazing achievements; CEO of a huge company, possessions, fame, network of influential business leaders and fortune.  You know and can imagine the person.  He was unaware that the listener was Mother Teresa. 

Mother Teresa finally interrupted the gentleman by asking a simple question:  “What have you done that is significant?”  Despite his career highs; the thousands of adoring shareholders, the countless subordinates and employees and the awesome salary, he was silenced, deflated and probably disappointed or embarrassed. But where was his significance agenda? There is a natural tendency to pursue success and forget or negate significance.  Urgency overwhelms purpose, as ever larger survival urges overwhelm longer term wellness. 

Along your life journey regularly ask if there are opportunities for significance and higher purpose in your daily actions.  Start by thinking small and locally; do a random act of kindness, volunteer, put yourself out to help someone else, mentor a subordinate - seek simple service gestures, as these opportunities are countless.

One of the more powerful tools or habits that brings a sense of well-being and contentment is serving others.  It will improve your spirits, your local community and your world view.

Significance, and the purpose it engenders, encourages a cycle of improved wellness and wholeness. Significance encourages joy to flourish around and within you.  Start to look for significance opportunities, and you will find they are everywhere. 

Balance your life and career so you both do well (personal rewards) but also do good (benefit others).  “Doing good” is your significance agenda and challenge.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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