Habits

Confucius noted that “All humans are the same, except for their habits.” 

Habits are your natural tendencies or practices.  They determine how you behave or react to a situation and they are automatic reflexes, often unconsciously made.  We are all largely the same biologically, but we differ in how we behave or react to things.

Given that habits define your uniqueness and personality, then maturing habits that enhance contentment and wellness would be constructive. I have struggled to make my intentional activities (the 40% I control, see graph below) habitual and more beneficial.  Learning to be grateful, positive and reframing problems to possible thinking took a lot of mindful effort.  However, with practise these responses and perspectives became my natural habits - my default reaction.

Habits do have a pattern in their formation.  Repeating the same behavior consistently, deliberately and with mindful determination, for on average for 66 days, make a behavior or response automatic and habitual.   The wonderful reward of building wellness and contentment habits is that you get a subtle but real reward almost immediately and sub-consciously; you feel better quite quickly.  But just like medicine, once you start to feel improved health you often stop taking the medicine.  So also with wellness habits. 

Positive psychology suggests that the most useful and easiest well-being habit to mature is gratitude.  Start a gratitude journal to note your blessings, finding three to five things to be grateful for EVERY day.  Express internally or externally gratitude at every available opportunity (and especially when you are in a difficult situation).  Search for wonder in your present moment. 

Design your wellness program and invest 66 days to see what happens.  Nothing to lose- just take baby steps, one habit at a time.

Think about looking at some of your strengths and making them more habitual and regular.

What other well-being habits might you want to cultivate?

Ø  seeking opportunities for service

Ø  delaying gratification to its most opportune moment

Ø  exercising

Ø  working with your willpower to make it stronger

Ø  wanting less

Ø  practising resilience

Ø  looking for opportunities to express your purpose. 

For further reading, if you are interested:

How are habits formed: Modelling Habit Formation in the Real World,  Phillippa Lally,  Cornelia H. M. van Jaarsveld,  Henry W. W. Potts,  Jane Wardle; European Journal of Social Psychology, 16 July 2009, https://doi.org/10.1002/ejsp.674.

Please freely share and widely, there are no copyright concerns.

Why not Default to YES and Joy?

If you were to look at the evolution of humans, it is only a very recent phenomena that humans live in a relatively safe and secure environment.  Real risk of injury, illness or death from violence, disease or hardship was everywhere.  It made sense for humans to be cautious, conservative, and ever mindful of what was just around the corner. 100 or 1,000 years ago being an optimist was unwise as there were risks and perils everywhere. Until the early 1900’s life expectancy was in the low 30’s, whereas now in the west it is nearer to 80 years (and in many countries over 80).

Given that premature death and the consequences of illness and injury have been so much delayed or reduced, why do we continue to maintain a defensive, anxious and negative mindset?  The dangers of today are so limited compared to earlier times, but our reflective habits have not been updated.  Being highly pessimistic no longer has the same rewards that it promised in the past as the underlying problems and situations have been resolved or eliminated

A major theme running through many reflections is that it is time to change your default wiring from fight or flight to well-being, joy and optimism. Being less cautious and more positive and optimistic does not mean being reckless or stupid, rather it allows for more joy, wellness and plenty.

Next time you have a choice about how to frame your present moment, allow for the possibility that everything many turn out to be rather wonderful or okay.  Like a computer, re-set your default reflex and reaction to YES and joy rather than NO and fight or flight.

For further reading you may find the following book inspiring (I certainly did):

Solve For Happy: Engineer Your Path to Joy, Mo Gawdat, bluebird books for life, 2017 

Please freely share and widely, there are no copyright concerns.

Do unto Others as You would have Others Do unto You (The Golden Rule)

The Golden Rule of life is expressed in many cultures and religions as an essential part of living and being part of a more meaningful life.

Being more thoughtful and aware of others has immediate pay-offs and instructive rewards.  Consciously holding the door open, giving up your seat, letting someone else speak, complimenting someone, letting that car in or helping someone with their luggage all trigger an immediate sense that you are mindful, thoughtful and in the moment.  Being altruistic is one of the blessing largely unique to human beings, something that defines our humanity.  Selflessness elevates one spirit the same way gratitude also does.  An easy and obvious way to implement the Golden Rule is to be of service to others. Added together, gratitude, selflessness and service compound their benefits in improved wellness.

Cultivating the habit of being more selfless opens you to being more aware of the kindness of others.  If you want your world to be kinder and more whole, start from within and project thoughtfulness; over time other will notice and reciprocate in random and wonderful ways.  Also, observe and acknowledge the kindness of others that you receive. The world is much kinder than you imagine but you have to look out for the many blessings we receive.

The reward of the Golden Rule is the gold it bestows on you; kindness, purpose, wellness and being part of a larger, more meaningful world.  Start causing the gold and cashing in.

Please freely share and widely, there are no copyright concerns.

Framing (and Reframing) your Experiences

Framing is a description of how your mind captures and perceives your experiences or circumstances on a moment by moment basis. Continuously while you are awake, events are occurring around you and your brain is trying to make sense of them. Your senses receive various stimuli and your mind builds a picture of this moment. Up to 90% of that experience is how the mind framed or pictured it, and as little as 10% is objective reality. 

As upwards of 90% of a moment is a matter of perception and framing, that means you have a lot of opportunity to make your present reality (NOW) wonderful, painful, awful, joyful or many other emotions in-between. What frame of mind you start with is powerful. 

What is your default tone? Is it positive or negative, awesome or awful, optimistic or pessimistic? You are your own spin doctor and that initial spin taints everything.

One of the more insightful books on wellness that I have read is by Martin Seligman and it is called ‘Learned Optimism’. Seligman, backed by substantial research findings, suggests that you can activity learn how to frame (or reframe) your circumstances to view them in a more positive light. 

Experiment with whatever you are doing at this moment. How many ways could this moment be captured? Frame it as many different ways as you can imagine. Practice reframing your first impressions. Watch your initial reflexes: are they helpful or harmful? Deliberately, consciously and vocally put a positive spin on your present moment. Find that “silver lining” of your NOW. Yes, it is raining BUT the plants are pleased. Yes, X is a difficult person BUT they are in a tough place. YES BUT...

After a while constructive and affirmative re-framing and framing will become a mindful habit.

Developing an Attitude of Gratitude

Developing an attitude of gratitude is an essential ingredient in my recipe for wellness.

It is a deliberate and conscious exercise of being, acknowledging the wonderful portions of your current circumstance, whatever that might be.

Not everything in this moment is awesome, but if you look about you there are certainly a few good things happening to or around you. If you are not used to thinking in this way, it is a good idea to keep a gratitude journal and to make yourself note down at least three things you have to be grateful for each day. Appreciate these good things and be mindful of them – the more you practice this attitude, the easier it becomes, until it becomes a habit of mind. Developing this attitude of mind can be hard and it requires effort, but it is so worthwhile.

Consciously challenge yourself to experience these better or more wonderful aspects of your present moment, your now. Make it a habit to pause in thankfulness. Share these thoughts with friends and colleagues, if this feels appropriate. Encourage and engage those near to you to share their blessings. Your life and your circle of friends will be blessed by your more positive attitude. 

Being joyful is an active and engaged state of being; wellness does not exist in a vacuum. Having an attitude of gratitude makes your joy deeper, more profound and re-generating. You know you are in a moment of joy because you are praising that moment in an active way.

Openness is essential as you should be deliberately aware and looking out for your good fortune and blessings.

Recounting the happiness and bounty you have experienced makes you the keener to re-experience that now moment again, but in a different way. What is repeated is the joyfulness.

Gratitude causes joy to synergize and multiply.

How to make your Smaller Cup Fuller

Reframing situations in my life so that I have a smaller cup has been incredibly empowering. Can we stay with this wisdom a little longer? 

Don’t misunderstand this: I am not suggesting that you simply desire a smaller cup and your current situation is forever good enough, allowing you to sit back and never have another aspirational thought again. NO!! Rather, I would suggest that being aspirational, self-motivated and proactive are easier attitudes to adopt when we feel higher levels of self-esteem and contentment. The secret is in finding a balance between contentment and aspiration - how full is the optimum level of our cup?

The range of 65 to 75% full works for me. Goals should be challenging and attainable, but not overwhelming. When my cup is around 70% full, I am encouraged to keep trying hard and to keep seeking out new challenges and opportunities. One of the more insightful movies I saw was “What about Bob?’ One of the characters is a psychiatrist whose treatment protocol is about baby steps. The trick is to forever make your cup grow a little bigger: grow your cup, but grow it slowly. 

One is forever in a state of either growth or decline: it is like you are rowing up a river, and if you stop rowing you don’t stay still – you go backwards. As I achieved a new milestone, I invented a new goal that were just a little bit beyond my current reach. Just a little further out there, but always within reach. Small increments in the long run advance us towards our goals. 

To implement the smaller cup lifestyle, start by finding you own best state of being “full”. And remember to keep expanding your cup in small steps - even let it overflow once in the while! Over a lifetime, a healthily realistic, but nonetheless essentially optimistic, attitude towards life’s situations and challenges can create a tremendous sense of well being and bounty.

A Smaller Cup

When looking at your life, I am sure that you have heard the question, “Is your cup half full or half empty?”  It is a simple query that suggests whether you are an optimist (half full) or a pessimist (half empty). Using this question, it is implied that you can be classified into one of two camps, but can we rephrase our response?

Imagine if the cup were smaller, then it would be fuller with the same amount of liquid. So a better reply might be, “This cup is just too big. I need a smaller cup.”  Instead of being half full or half empty, you now receive a much more generous looking portion. 

In life, by reframing a situation, by simply changing our expectations, we can change our attitudes and create more joy in our lives. Some of us expect so much from life that we cannot help but be left wanting – nothing is ever quite enough to satisfy. By expecting less (having a smaller cup), we will be more happy and content with the good things that come our way.

Picture and experience how this reframing of the half a cup question changes the answer; the cup is now over half full.  You are encouraged to feel special, indeed fortunate and blessed.  Can you picture or feel the joy and the calm of the fuller cup sensation, compared to either the half full or the half empty alternative? 

If there is only one take away from everything I ever share with you, may it be this one:

Get a smaller cup, and relish its fullness.