I have never been a big fan or follower of rules. Perhaps it is because I grew up in the rebellious late 60’s, or because I was a middle child trying to carve my own destiny. However, in another way, I am an absolute subscriber to rules, subject to three constraints being:
First, there are not very many (maximum twenty);
Second, the rules are robust and based on strong first principles;
Third, although the rules may have their basis in the Bible, law or other wisdoms, I have personally applied them to myself and made them MY INTERNALIZED RULES.
So, what do rules have to do with wellness? A lot. Rules can reduce what is called ego depletion.
Ego depletion refers to the idea that self-control or willpower draws upon a limited pool of mental resources that can be used up. When the energy for mental activity is low, self-control is typically impaired, which would be considered a state of ego depletion.” *
Temptations of all sorts are everywhere. Being honest can be very challenging. Dan Ariely wrote an insightful book on honesty.** Based on his research, he noted we are almost naturally inclined to being less than totally honest. We have all sorts of irrational justifications for cheating. He had few remedies to our cheating frailty other than rules, which he followed almost unquestionably.
Why do rules work? They counter ego depletion; rather than debating the pros and cons of a choice, we automatically follow the rule and act accordingly. Rules counter going down the slippery slope of saying YES and not knowing when or how to say NO. I was raised with the Ten Commandments hardwired into my brain (my first ten rules) and that has made making better choices so much easier. Rules free up a lot of wellness space, as ego depletion is significantly reduced. Rules provide borders if thoughtfully designed.
Most rules are short and based on your values (don’t steal, show fidelity, avoid jealousy, etc), The challenge is to know what YOUR RULES ARE and WHY THEY MATTER AND DEFINE YOU. It is amazing how empowering these personal rules can be.
What are your rules? If a young adult asked you what your life rules were, could you readily list them? Rules can significantly improve our wellbeing.
Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org
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*: Wikipedia
**: The (Honest) Truth About Dishonesty, Dan Ariely