Letting go is about knowing when good enough is good enough. Are things likely to get a lot better or is this as good as it reasonably gets?
Some people are perfectionists - things can always be better and they are forever striving for the ideal and the perfect. Others are optimalists - setting high standards and goals, but actively considering the trade-offs, costs and benefits of the perfect, relative to the attainable and possible. Do you only want the very best? Or are you satisfied with BETTER, and prepared to let go of BEST?
A fairly blunt but effective way to classify people is to identify them as either perfectionist or optimalist.
"Perfectionists pay an extremely high emotional price for rejecting reality. Their rejection of failure leads to anxiety, because the possibility that they may fail is always there. Their rejection of painful emotions often leads to an intensification of the very emotion they are trying to suppress, ultimately leading to even more pain. Their rejection of real-world limits and constraints leads them to set unreasonable and unattainable standards for success, and because they can never meet these standards, they are constantly plagued by feelings of frustration and inadequacy.
Optimalists, on the other hand, derive great emotional benefit, and are able to lead rich and fulfilling lives, by accepting reality. Because they accept failure as natural—even if naturally they do not enjoy failing—they experience less performance anxiety and derive more enjoyment from their activities. Because they accept painful emotions as an inevitable part of being alive, they do not exacerbate them by trying to suppress them. They experience them, learn from them, and move on. Because they accept real-world limits and constraints, they set goals that they can actually attain and are thus able to experience, appreciate, and enjoy success."*
When people request that you cut them some slack, give them some space or the like, they are really saying that they are optimalists. Yes, your perfection is wonderful but it doesn’t speaks to them. Show the optimalist where improvements are possible but then move on. If you are a perfectionist, lighten up. It will likely be good for your stress and overall wellness.
*: “Even Happier: A Gratitude Journal for Daily Joy and Lasting Fulfillment" by Tal Ben-Shahar
Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org
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