Being patient is not one of my strong points. Being impatient has, on more than one occasion, had significant career consequences. However, as I have gotten older, I have improved on this score. Recently, I learned a bit of the science behind patience, which has improved my ability to demonstrate it.
Patience might sound like a modest virtue, but it’s the essence of two primary factors in mental health and worldly success. The first is delay of gratification, the willingness to put off immediate rewards for the sake of a greater future reward. The second is distress tolerance, the capacity to endure a painful or uncomfortable experience without making a bad thing worse.*
What I find helpful from this dissection of patience is that it identifies two rather different inputs: delaying gratification and distress tolerance. Each of these give me ideas for different strategies to manage my impatience.
Explicitly acknowledging that I am delaying gratification keeps me focused on the fact that the reward is coming, I just must wait. Being mindful I am deferring gratification lets me know what I should be doing, and thereby significantly reduces my impatience. Knowing that I am practicing deferring gratification is helpful, as this skill is one of the most important contributors to overall wellness and success. Mindfully waiting for pleasure or joy also materially enhances the later happiness.
Being made to wait for something pleasurable induces an element of distress or discomfort. Knowing this is part of the process, I just grin and bear it. Knowing the stress will go away soon enough makes waiting that much easier. I remember when I quit smoking (eighteen years ago), just by distracting myself for ten seconds it took my mind off the cigarette, and the desire to smoke would go away (and it generally did).
Recently, I was in a slow car parade with the lead driver going 2/3 of the posted speed limit. I practiced being patient. I started with acknowledging that all I was deferring was the idea of getting home a little earlier. The distress tolerance started by accepting that fact that the experience was not really that unpleasant and getting home sooner or later by five minutes was no big deal. Seeing others behind and in front of me suggested I was not alone; misery often loves company. Patience prevailed over getting too worked up.
I’m no poster person for patience. However, being able to reason and feel my way through the waiting period allows my slow thinking self to take over my fast thinking nature. Using the science behind patience does encourage greater serenity. Learning and being more patient is so good for the soul.
Reflection Source: www.smallercup.org
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*: Rick Hanson, "Resilient: 12 Tools for transforming everyday experiences into lasting happiness"