Caring for and being cared for by others is an essential part of a constructive and productive relationship. However, in our busy lifestyle, do we actually spend enough time looking for caring opportunities or acknowledging when others look after us? Rick Hanson noted:
Caring comes in five major forms, with increasing intensity: being included, being seen, being appreciated, being liked, and being loved. Each one of these is an opportunity to feel cared about. Over time, repeatedly internalizing these experiences can build up a basis for secure attachment. As you go through your day, look for the little moments in which another person is interested, friendly, grateful, empathic, respectful, affectionate, or loving towards you.*
What I like about this thorough dissection of caring it that it opens up how you can actively care for others and similarly appreciate when others are actively caring for you. Whereas we all know being concerned for others is central to a healthy relationship, do we necessarily know how to go about tending for others?
Starting with caring for others; it is like a dial that I can mindfully turn up and down. Mentioning the other person’s name in a conversation with them immediately makes them feel included. Making the effort to look them up, noting their achievements, asking genuinely curious questions about what they are doing, using affirmative or appropriate endearing terms to describe your friendship are all caring gestures. What is so fascinating but also disappointing about caring for others it that we probably don’t do it as deliberately or mindfully as we could or should. Challenge yourself to proactively appreciate a specific person, through a variety of caring actions.
Noting and enjoying being cared for by others is also part of the cycle. How often do we stop and savour those times when others are affectionate towards us? In our hurriedness are we oblivious to the kindness of others. Do we dismiss or overlook the interest, friendliness, empathy, respect or other caring gestures sent our way? Tuning in to when we receive affection reinforces and encourages us to return the favour.
Caring matters! We can all up our kindness quotient. Experiment with and observe when caring is occurring: it will make for a kinder world and community.
Reflection Source: www.smallercup.org
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*: Rick Hanson, "Resilient: 12 Tools for transforming everyday experiences into lasting happiness"