“I will be happy IF” … “I will be happy WHEN” doesn’t work or happen. You get the desired outcome, have elevated spirits for a few weeks, months or at best a few years and then you are right back to where you were earlier.
This natural occurrence of returning to your natural set point of wellness is called the hedonistic treadmill or hedonistic adaption. We are like the hamster on the treadmill running quickly but getting nowhere, stuck. Changes in circumstance have a short term pay-off and then this new situation becomes the new normal. The adaption makes you inclined to aspire for new achievements which then undermines the joy of the current achievement. And then comparison sets in, and we see others with more or better or newer rewards and we are back to square one.
For me, appreciating and observing this adaption process countless times tamed the shopper in me and changed me. Now I savour a few very special and thoughtful gifts, experiences or purchases and regularly just pause to be so grateful for those blessings. A multi-function travel watch, blue tooth headphones that meet my unique needs, Bolivia, colourful sandals that can go anywhere; these are special things that ring my well-being bell.
Experiment with your IF and WHEN expectations for well-being. How long did your joy persist? Have you already replaced that desire with a new or more lavish wish? If that IF or WHEN had not happened, would you really be any less pleased?
Letting go of IF and WHEN is most liberating as it puts one into the present moment where there is no IF or WHEN, only now. Not wanting or waiting for something to happen to be achieved or owned means you have enough, and perhaps even a surplus. Practice savouring things with serenity, re-thanking others for their awesome gifts, or remembering/sharing those powerful memories and milestones but again. Sure, it is fine to want an IF or WHEN once in the while, but not always or to the determinant of what you already are blessed with. Wonderfully, gratitude will improve your spirits and defeat the treadmill.
Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org
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For further reading, if you are interested just Google “Hedonistic treadmill”]; there is no shortage of sources for further insights here.