We have all heard the saying it is either fight or flight when in a tense situation.  We imagine these are the only two alternatives but fortunately there is a third choice, which is to PAUSE and reflect on the situation.  Certainly, up until about 200 years ago the threats to your person were very real and ever present, so being alert was a good idea.  But today, such risky encounters are rare, so neither fight nor flight may be the right thing to do.

 I have learnt the hard way that the binary nature of fight or flight is not a good idea.  By nature, I tend to opt for fight and let anger get the better of me in a tense situation. I remember many of my angry moments with regret as the penalty can be serious and even career limiting.   Flight was not in my character and the moment overtook me. For others, they regret flight and not standing up to a challenge.

 Then the notion of PAUSE occurred to me.  When things went pear shaped, I took a step back and reflected on what was going on. I considered whether anger or flight were a good idea or whether better still, maybe things were not as I imagined them to be. 

 Indeed, more likely than not it was my imagined view of the situation that was wrong. Pausing to access the situation often made me realize my assumptions about the facts were incomplete, biased, overly emotional or just plain irrational and self-centered.  Allowing time to reflect and contemplate the consequences of my actions was so timely, but something I did not do in the past.

 In psychology, what I am describing is called cognitive behavioral therapy (or CBT*).  Pausing and deliberately reframing your reactions into a more thoughtful, objective, less emotional or personalized response certainly takes the sting out of many tense situations.  Pausing lets you find the middle route where you see opportunities for growth, reduced conflict and harmony.

 The pause button is on all videos for good reason, it allows you to freeze the moment.  Hit your pause button (count to ten) when the going starts to get weird and overly emotional, it can save a lot of grief later in life.

Reflection Source: www.Smallercup.org

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 *:  There is a huge body of research and practice related to CBT, do check it out, especially if you are fight inclined.